So today is the day of Pride for my city and it's hit me hard and I don't know why. I felt great yesterday but today I feel so oppressed and sad, on a day that I should feel proud and accepted. I've nobody to talk with since I've lost touch with most of my friends. I want so badly to be out of the closet but there's something holding me back, or maybe it's a few different things. Maybe it's a combination of caring too much what people think about me, a lack of confidence and being isolated in the situation. I've thought about going to groups or clubs but I'm just not there yet. I don't know what to do... What would you guys do if you where in my situation?
It's understandable that you might feel a bit dimmed when your city's Pride festivals are going on. Everyone else is celebrating being out and proud, but you've still not come out yet so you can't openly enjoy it as much as everyone else. That's an understandable feeling. But that feeling's not going to go away unless you work toward coming out. Why don't you want to join any groups or clubs? How close do you think you are to coming out? What concerns you?
Thanks for the reply TJ. I think it's because I wouldn't feel comfortable around strangers and opening up to them. I'd like to say I'm close, I think about just biting the bullet and coming out but I always leave it. My main concerns would probably be people treating me differently or changing how they see me (even though I know I shouldn't care).
Before I was out to the world (which wasn't a big deal for me personally, no matter how big a deal I made of it in my head), I actually found it much EASIER to open up to strangers that I would never see again than to people that I actually knew. That's just me, but possibly some food for thought. There's a lot less risk (to me at least) in revealing myself to people that I'll never see again.
Well you have told strangers on EC. That's a big first step. I agree with RanbowMan. I found it a lot easier to tell strangers. I can completely understand where you are coming from. I've thought about joining groups as well but haven't. I get really nervous about meeting new people and usually only go places I know people.
DO what you have already started. Talk to people here, until you are comfortable talking about yourself and have accepted who you are, and are certain that there is nothing wrong with you, nothing to be ashamed about, nothing to hide except when it is convenient for you to not share this information about yourself in a particular situation. You don't have to feel oppressed; you are imposing that feeling upon yourself, because no one else knows you are gay, so they can't be oppressing you; stop doing this to yourself. Turn the computer off and go to the Pride event, then come back and tell us if you met anyone interesting there.
