I came out to my best friend and his family and just like people assured me, they didn't care. I also realized it was the first time I came out to people who used to be openly homophobic but you know what? They still love me, and I was happy to be the one to show them that their views on gays were wrong. I have a straight best friend an I feel like he's the brother I never had! Well I guess I'll start by talking about my best friend (let's call him Matt). Matt has this friend 'John' (I know, real original). I've known Matt for almost two years and John a little less. Matt and John are best friends too. Matt and I had a LOT in common and just 'got' each other, like we were long-lost brothers. John, who lived in the same building with a gf a kid, really resented it. I didn't want to "steal" his best friend! I want to be John's friend too and I made efforts but they were in vain. I'm sorry he felt that way because I thought the three of us could be friends, but John wanted something more than friendship with Matt but more on this in a bit. Life went on and as Matt and I got closer I realized if we really were brothers then he wouldn't care if I told him I'm gay. And I did, and he didn't. BEFORE I came out we would sometimes talk about John. Once I asked Matt flat out "Does he even like me?" and he kinda shook his head. I was surprised by how crushed I felt. Before John was just this cute guy Matt and I hung out with sometimes and now I couldn't stop thinking about him. I knew I liked him but I tried to suppress it because I thought he didn't like me lol. Nothing ever happened between John and I, but I somehow knew he was into dudes. And my instincts were bang on. AFTER I came out Matt asked me if I ever liked John. "I was like 'hell yes'"and Matt was so happy for me he wanted to be my wingman to hook up me and John. Now John was no longer just another unrequited crush to me, there could actually be sparkage between us! And Matt, bless his heart, encouraged me and got me psyched. We went to John's place where he introduced me to his girlfriend as the sweetest guy he knows, the nicest etc… Matt gently took John aside and it turns John is bisexual. But you know what's a huge red flag to me? Matt says John will only fuck dudes when he's drunk. What's that all about? All night John was bending over in front of me (jeez this guy is insanely sexy!!). They wanted me to have a threesome that night but I am strictly dick, I don't want to fuck women, but I'm thinking if this is the only way I can have this guy then I'll think about it. Did I mention I start work with him Tuesday where he'll be walking around with his shirt off in the hot sun? I'm really conflicted and don't know what to do. On one hand I don't want to work with him at all but on the other this might be the opportunity I've been waiting for. Yesterday Matt told me that John confided he had a big crush on him, I don't know if he still does but it explains a LOT. I hope this is just an infatuation, am I too impatient, or is this one majorly fucked-up sitch I should just forget. I really want to be John's friend though, he doesn't resent me anymore and I feel something real between us. I want to talk to him but he lives on the other side of the city and he lost his phone and wallet so we can't. I just wish I wasn't in love with him and I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm feeling. John is the first man I actually really cared about that I might have a chance with, but I also don't want to come between his relationship as I adored his gf when we met. Help!
First of all, congrats on coming out to your friend and his parents (*hug*) Now, I probably won't give you the advice you want to hear, but in my opinion I think i would be wise to talk to John and find out where he stands with all this. I know you said he lost his phone, but does he have internet? Maybe you can skype him? Where does his girlfriend stand with all this? Is she aware that her boyfriend is, at the very least, experimental in his sexuality? It sounds like you really want a proper relationship with John, not just a casual hook-up, which is where it gets sticky with his girlfriend. I don't know him, but it sounds like he's not entirely comfortable or sure about his own sexuality, which, as we all know, can really screw with our heads. My advice would be to wait it out and talk to him first, find out where you stand, before you go and do anything that might drive a wedge between the two of you. Good luck with all of it, let us know how you make out! x
