I am 16 and have always sorta known that I was gay, but I think I am ready to tell everyone else. There is a major issue there though. I have been dating a girl for almost 4 years now. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I don't want to continue with our realationship because if I wait, it will only hurt her more. I've been so close to telling her for a couple weeks but I just couldn't. I am a senior in high school (just started yesterday) and I think that this is the right time for me to let everybody know. Any advice??
I think you should break up with her before telling any one, including your gf. First just say it's not working for you, etc. Then after that, I say you come out to her [& friends], stressing the fact that you never meant to mislead her or lie to her, and you remained faithful to her (if you did.... ?). Good luck! It's not an easy position to be in at all. I hope all goes well =]
It's not like I ever cheated on her or anything, but I think the only way TO break up with her is to tell her first. Ya know? I have to give her a real reason for breaking up and I want to be honest.
I think that may be the best bet. Tell her first so she isn't heart broken and let her know you've been questioning yourself. Just open up to her. Things may even get better between the two of you, in terms of friendship. . .
Hi there! Welcome to EC! I think the best thing to do would be to talk to her and let her know about your true feelings. It might not be easy but the sooner you do it, the better it will be. She will probably be angry/disappointed for the first little while but after a period of time she might come around to it. Give her space and time and if possible try to remain in contact with her. Retreating from coming out to someone can be a sign that you are not ready to come out yet, or that you are at some level afraid of what others might say or how they might react. I am wondering if it might be better to come out to a close friend first, whom you can trust and know will be supportive and accepting. That might make your talk with your girlfriend a bit easier. She would not be the first one to know, but maybe if you have a bit of support it might just make it a bit easier to have that conversation with her. But it is up to you how you want to proceed. When you decide on the day to end the relationship and come out to her, take her out for lunch or ice cream, and talk to her as openly and honestly as you can. Hope it goes well for you. I hope this helps!
I am thinking of telling my sister first, but my girlfriend (for now) is supposed to be the Maid of Honor in my sisters wedding. I want to tell my them both before the wedding, which is October 11. I just don't want it to screw up the weding though.:icon_sad: lol ( I love icons!!)
I hate being in situations like that... you have to choose whether to do what is best for you or best for everyone else... You sound like the kind of person that would do the best thing for everyone else... now you have to decide if that's really the best. Geez man, that's a tough one.
Your tellin me! lol I think im going to tell my gf on friday after school. We'll go to her house or something. I just hope I can go through with it, because I've been seriously stressing about this all week. Wish me luck! And thanks for all your help so far, it's been really... umm helpful!
Well, you have a tough situation, but I think honesty is definitely the best policy. You should come out to her, and be honest with your feelings. I made the bad choice of lying to myself since middle school. I even got married and had children. After two years of marriage, I recently told my wife that I was gay a few months ago. I never meant to hurt her, but there it is. You definitely cannot lead her on, but on the other hand you have to be delicate to her feelings. Discuss things with her, and be honest. You will feel a lot better inside, knowing that you are not living a lie. Good luck with what ever you decide, and EC is here when you need to talk.
Well, I told her. She seems supportive, but I know this is going to be harder for her right now. We both cried for awile and I think it will be ok. She asked how long and thats a hard question to answer. Now i'm gonna have to figure out how to tell my mom, because she saw me crying and is asking all these questions. Any tips?
Welcome to EC! I would definitely wait until after you break up with her to come out to anybody because if you don't and she hears that you are gay from somebody else it will be much worse. 4 years is a long time to be in a relationship so no matter what it is going to hurt both of you but the sooner you do it the better. The longer you wait the worse it will be. Good luck with everything! Sam
It's a tough situation! I've been there a few years ago. I tried to make a relationship work with a girl I worked with, but it just didn't feel "right". At the time I still hadn't really acknowledged/accepted that I was gay myself so telling her wasn't even an option that I considered. I didn't want to continue the lie, so I broke up with her. The only explanation I gave was "this isn't working for me", which was shitty of me.. I still feel bad about it now. Congratulations on being honest with her, you may end up as closer friends from it, but give her time to come to terms with things. Good luck
