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Lunch Time trouble... (4)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DeviantAttitude, Jun 29, 2014.

  1. DeviantAttitude

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    Today was the LGBT pride parade in Porto in the north of my country. And the TV news channels covered it like normal. I was eating at home with my mother, her boyfriend, my mother's good friend and an foreign intern that is working on my mother's boyfriend's company.
    To start off I think the intern guy is gay... not going to ask but... I don't know...
    Also, everyone accepts and supports the LGBT community. (I came out to my mother and she accepted it at the time)
    But we were watching that while we were eating lunch and the fucking retarded comments started flying.
    "Ohh so many faggots in one place" "blablabla faggots blablabla" (the boyfriend said most of those things)
    GOD I HATE THAT FUCKING WORD!
    Everyone except me and the intern said those things and I just felt so angry. I know they "don't mean it" but it was so annoying to have to listen to those things. I think even he felt bad.
    Those things made me angry... really angry. It's mindless insults and referring to this community as "faggots" is so fucking idiotic.

    At the same time I don't think my mother accepts it 100%. I told her I have a crush on a girl and she is just focusing on that. I think she is dismissing the "gay part" as a phase or something like that.
    During that conversation I was looking at her but I guess she just forgot about my situation...

    I'm not coming out until I'm absolutely certain of my orientation but that conversation was so stupid it feels like I'm getting pushed back into the closet.

    My mom's boyfriend accepts and supports (I think) the LGBT's but small comments like those are just so insensitive. He likes to play and fool around like a 12 yo and shows no respect sometimes.

    I'm not telling him.
     
  2. Really

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    Hi DA,

    That doesn't sound particularly like accepting attitude to me. If you don't feel like confronting them/him when those things are said, how about something like, "You kiss my mother with that mouth??" while scowling.
    Just something to indicate that you're not impressed with the language.
    Or try to imagine they were saying racist things. What would you say then?
    "What have tbey ever done to you? People are just people, you know."
     
  3. mnguy

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    I'm sorry, man, that's just trashy of them especially since you came out already. Who can have such short memories especially about such an important thing you shared? Sounds like ignorance bordering on cruelty. I know it's easier said than done, but I wish you could have shown your anger and said that's really disrespectful of them to call gay people faggots and all that. Maybe you can talk to your mom one on one and tell her how hurt you were and angered that they all showed such hatred toward the GLBT people. Your mom is supposed to defend you no matter how old you are. There's no reason to ridicule and insult us. Best of luck you (*hug*)
     
  4. DeviantAttitude

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    Thanks to both of you for your replies. I really didnt know what to say at the time and quickly left the table. I don't usually say what goes on my mind.
    I have no idea how to deal with this.
     
  5. mangotree

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    Is it possible that they didn't think you would find the comments offensive for some reason? I think in some communities, it's not such a taboo word any more.
    I mean a lot of gay people use terms like that towards each other all the time, and maybe your family were just trying to lightheartedly join in? Or was there a harsh undertone to the way they were saying it? (i.e. it's not what you say, it's how you say it)
    I'm not trying to downplay their actions/words or make them acceptable, it's just that often things aren't always what they seem on the surface.

    You've got 2 choices:
    Say nothing to them about their behaviour
    Say something to them about their behaviour

    Is it something that you could let go of and move on until the next time it happens?
    If so, just be prepared for next time.

    Or is it making you so angry that you feel like you'll burst if you don't say something?
    In which case, you should probably set aside a time for you and your family to talk about it where you can explain your feelings and concerns. And possibly explain WHY you find the word's they used so offensive.

    Peace! (*hug*) and good luck
     
  6. DeviantAttitude

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    Well it's not everyday we discuss lgbt topics. The boyfriend is just an asshole sometimes but he is a nice friend... we all have one of those. Only one of them knows.

    It's just offensive. Just that. Its like calling someone a name with no reason when they could be using a less offensive one. Gay instead of faggot. It felt insulting. I did say something but they probably didn't hear it. It was something like "I don't think that is the most appropriate word to use."