Hi, everybody, I'm new to the site (like I started a couple hours ago new) and I'm just happy to finally have other not-straight people to talk to. I live in Kentucky, I'm home schooled, and I don't have a whole lot of friends, so I don't meet a whole lot of anybody. I focus more on who a person is on the inside than what equipment they have on the outside, so I’m somewhere between a bisexual and a pansexual, but from a physical attraction stand point, I do lean towards women. So, yeah, pansexual/bisexual with a heavier lesbian tendency. My problem is, I feel like I’m trying to ‘come out of the closet’, and everybody else is trying to shove me back in it. My mother is usually a very understanding person. I’m bipolar and she has been the one person I’ve been able to talk with openly about it since I went near-suicidal the summer before high school (not because of my sexuality, other problems). She’s my confidant. And she says she fine with whatever sexuality I am, maybe because she’s lost the ‘shock factor’ because my male cousin’s gay and so is one of my distance cousins or something on that side of the family. We have a lot of gay people on her side, and she all seems fine and perfectly normal with them. But whenever I try to talk to about this with her, I feel judged. Like she shuts down. I feel like she thinks it’s a phase I’ll get over and doesn’t take me seriously. Which really hurts my feelings, because this isn’t just something that happened last week and changes daily. I’ve been struggling with my sexuality, alone, for years. And, yes, in case someone was going to ask, I have tried to talk to her about my feelings about her feelings, but she denies that she acts that way. My other problem is my dad. He isn’t really the ‘let’s talk about our feelings’ kind of dad. We bond and everything, but I don’t normally talk to him about deep stuff. However, I have tried to admit that I’m not straight to him on several occasions, and he still believes that I am 100% straight. Doesn’t see any possibility that I could be in to anything that doesn’t have a… you know. And that makes a sad sort of sense. He’s had a very strict religious upbringing, and if my grandmother found out (his mother), it would probably kill her (I know plenty of religious people are fine with homosexuality, but none of them are members of his family). My uncle’s the same way. And I have expressed a tiny bit of interest in boys in the past, but nothing serious. Just, ‘hey, he’s kind of nice looking. Good for him,” kind of comments. That leaves my sister, who excepts that I’m gay but she’s so much older than I am that we aren’t the sort of siblings who really talk about things, my gay cousin who’s so shy and quiet, I feel awkward bringing this up with him, and my only female cousin who I’m very close with because we’re about the same age, but she’s so young and so…I don’t want to say airheaded because that isn’t the right word, but it’s close. She’s a good listener, but couldn’t really offer very good advice about it. What I really want is a) to meet other gay people and be able to talk about these things (which is why I’m here, so step A accomplished), and b) I’d like my family to accept me so I won’t have to just discuss it with strangers. I want to be able to say ‘I’m bisexual’ at the table and not have my mom go silent and my dad tell me, ‘No you aren’t’. :bang::eusa_doh::tantrum: What do you all suggest? Has anybody else had problems like this? PS- sorry the post is so long, this is the first time I've talked about this, so it gets a little rambly. :help:
