First off, I'd just like to say hi to everyone at EC. i finally worked up the nerve to create an account here. But on to the issue: School for me starts soon, which on its own isnt a problem, except for the fact that in the last week I have a) finally accepted that I'm bisexual b) came out to my two best friends, and c) go to an all-boys school Recently, in a conversation with one of my friends, i asked if there might be any awkwardness regarding the upcoming school year. Much to my disdain, the answer was a resounding yes. Apparently I have little things about me that send the vibe that I'm definitely not straight. Now dont get me wrong, this friend of mine is practically my brother, so I'm not doubting that what he says isnt true. He's perfectly ok with everything and totally supportive. Its just that I've never noticed these things and this is definitely not good considering I'm surrounded by 800 other guys for half the day, 9 months of the year. Personally, I'm not quite ready to come out to everyone else so this news has sent me into a bit of a panic-y mode. I definitely dont want to transfer or anything like that, but i also dont want to risk the chance of anyone else finding out. It probably doesn't help that I'm also trying to find a boyfriend at the same time. :icon_sad: If, at this point, anybody is still reading, bless your soul for having the concern to read past the first sentence. I dont really know exactly what I'm asking here, but I was hoping that someone had advice so i dont have to worry about this as much anymore :icon_wink
Hi and welcome to EC! Congratulations on accepting your sexual identity and coming out to others. It sounds like that you are a bit overwhelmed at the moment. You have gone through quite a bit within a short period of time. Take a deep breath. I think what might help you is if you take a little break from it all. Put the thoughts about trying to find and having a boyfriend aside for now. I do think it is important that you take one step at a time and that you allow yourself enough time to adjust yourself to the changes in your life. You don't have to come out to others when you are not ready. Remember that every person is different and that all of us have something that could lead someone to identify us one way or another. Don't worry too much about the vibes because the more you think about it the more nervous you will become. Try to be yourself as much as you can. I hope this helps a bit.
Whoever said that school-days are the best days of your life was wrong, a liar and probably couldn't remember back to his/her own days. You have to go out there and MAKE them the best days of your life. Don't panic, you'll manage. Don't feel obligated to come out. It's not something that has to happen all at once. Nobody expects you to choose a single day, wake up, stretch, then announce to the whole world (preferably in song form) that you're bisexual. Some people can do that, and all the best for them. Most people probably couldn't and come out by degrees. Like you have, to a few close friends and then expanding outwards. So just back away, regroup your thoughts and come out at a time where it's convenient for you. Take one step at a time. As for being in an all boys school, I know the feeling. I went to one and was surrounded by 300 odd guys. Rugby playing guys. I swear, rugby is the most homoerotic sport ever. I mean, a scrum is practically an all guy grope-fest, with hands and heads going places that no gentleman should really go. And then there's the showers after...Anyway, I've been rather sidetracked. It's hard (lewd pun intended), I won't say that it's not. Its a tough experience, because you brush right up with casual homophobia, a desire to prove straight-ness as well as all sort of complicated social nets. However, with a close circle of friends, and maybe someone you can talk to about it-you'll fly right through it all. Finally, your fear of being outed, either by searching for a boyfriend or by whatever little habits and quirks you think will give you away. First, I think that now isn't the best time for romance. Not because the stars are wrong (I don't believe in astrology) but simply because you're going through a major set of life changes. It's a big thing, and you might be in for some troublesome and turbulent times-relationships tend to do best when you have a little stability in your life. About being "outed" I shouldn't worry. Some guys might guess, some won't have a clue, some won't care. But what virtually every guy -will- do is keep it to himself. There might be a little discussion behind closed doors, but never anything large and nothing to your face. Why? Because you're all probably going to be in the same sort of situation for a long time. They'll probably want to keep everything the same, with no need for accusation and argument to happen. Gosh, if you've read this far, thanks. I certainly hope it helped and wish you good luck and a good time in your new year at school.
Welcome to EC! Just to clear away some underbrush first, let me quote something back to you. ...i also dont want to risk the chance of anyone else finding out. It probably doesn't help that I'm also trying to find a boyfriend at the same time. This is a common dichotomy, but if you think about it, it works at cross-purposes. Your chances of getting a boyfriend without anyone knowing you're looking for one are rather small. This doesn't mean you're destined to be alone forever (you're not), or that you've gotta come out of the closet immediately (you don't). But it does mean you should probably lower your sites a bit on that front, at least to start out with. Instead, just spend some time trying to find your "place" at school. Don't worry too much about whether or not you're coming across "gay". If you do, you'll just end up coming across confused, secretive, and a bit odd. Be nice, be outgoing, be friendly. If someone thinks that's "gay", and doesn't want anything to do with you, consider - is that someone you'd want as a friend, anyway? Someone you'd have to put an act on everytime he was in the vicinity? That's not what friends are. No, not everyone will want to be friends with you. That'd be true if you were straight. Just remain open and friendly, and you'll find people you'll click with. Lex
Sorry dude, don't have too much advice, but hey, look on the bright side-- you're in New York, which is a pretty diverse place, not in like the south where everyone (well, okay not everyone) is a church-going homosexual hater. Yeah, that's the bright side. Sorry that it isn't any brighter. =D Good luck though!
800 guys huh...? Sounds like a great place to be! Odd are that there are going to be 40 to 80 other guys there that also into guys... although they aren't likely to admit it either. You don't need to feel pressured to come out, and you don't need to worry about someone outing you simply because of some of your mannerisms. Everyone is different. Oh ya! And welcome to EC!
