I wasn't quite sure where to post this as I'm not sure what entirely I'm looking for with this. I thought I was done with posting in the support forum for my own issues, but I guess not, they just seem to keep creating themselves -.- I've been going through a lot lately, to the point I break down crying for no reason, and can't stop myself, and stuff like that. Too much stuff eventually piled up in my head, and I guess it got too much for me to hold in. I finally decided I was done with that, and I was going to be more optimistic if it killed me. (Not literally, >_>) When going over to a family friends house, I walked rather been being driven, and the fresh air and being alone in the open really helped, just to give me some time to think to myself. Anyways, I had a couple days where everything was getting better, but then I woke up this morning. I had the worst feeling (and still do). That something really bad is going to happen, like I don't know how to explain it, but it's scaring the crap out of me. It even hurts at times (like, physically). I have to go to bed now, but I'm afraid, it's hard to explain, I've never felt like this, I guess the easiest way to explain it is, it's like a HUGE feeling of dejavu, where you know something is coming, but you don't know what exactly it is. (not quite like dejavu, but that should explain it some...) As I said, I'm heading to bed, but I don't know, it's almost as if I fear something will happen, and either I won't wake up, or something big will happen to one of my family members, and I won't be there to help them. I know there's nothing people can do to help with this, but has anyone ever had a feeling like this? Cause it's Freakin me out, like majorly. I have actual Dejavu at least 5x a week, my mom used to say my dreams were prophetic, (something about a person at the church told her when she was pregnant with me or something), which I still don't believe, even after all the dejavu caused by some of my dreams. Anyways, just wanted to get this out, as even though I've said that I have a horrible feeling that something is going to happen to my family and on myspace, that wasn't enough. Anyways, I'll check back on the thread when I get back from sleeping...
Sure there's something people can do to help with this. I've been there. As recently as two months ago. At least, it looks pretty damn familiar. It's called "depression". Negative thoughts keep intruding on your life, and they become harder (or impossible) to push away. About three months ago, I was at work, locked in the bathroom. Lying on the floor. Crying. Banging my head against the concrete floor. Why? Because I saw a firetruck drive by. That's it. It just drove by. Didn't even have its lights on. But for some reason, that triggered something in my brain. For the next fifteen to twenty minutes, all I could see was my house on fire. And my cats trapped. Hi-def, audio, the whole nine yards. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. No matter what I did. What's going on? Depression. The brain's a bit off-kilter. It happens. I went to see my doctor, we discussed various treatment options, and decided to go with a mild anti-depressant. It took about a week for them to start kicking in, and it wasn't a miracle cure - I still had some bad days. But I'm more or less out of it now. I still have hints of it roaming around. I say that I can "feel it in the room", but it doesn't affect me the way it did before. I'm on top of it now. Go see your doctor. Immediately if not sooner. Talk about how you've been feeling. There's no shame in doing so - your brain's just like any other body part. When it starts acting off, you go see your doctor to see about setting it right. He'll probably talk about various treatments. It seems from here like you've got a mild case - it's periodic, doesn't totally own you. That's good - it should be easier to treat. Go. You'll be glad you did. Lex
What you are describing is a classic symptom of anxiety. You need to calm down and try to take a step back and look at what is happening in your life to make you so stressed. If you can deal with this then everything else will fall into place. It may sound silly but yoga is a wonderful method of stress management as you learn to control your breathing and relax your muscles. You have gotten yourself wound up tight as a spring, you have to let go of some of that tension before you break down completely. The physical pain is your body telling you that it can't take anymore of this stress. Please find some way of relaxing, like I said, yoga or singing, reading poetry, anything that you like which makes you feel good.
One thing I know about depression, in my case, is that when I try to change( Like you walking to your friend's house) that the depression wants to grab hold and keep me from changing. In some ways depression is comforting because it's a habit and it's frightening to change. Yoga.or Mindful Meditation helps.(*hug*)
Oh, I was diagnosed with depression along with my sister a few years ago... After my dad's death, we kinda shut out the world. I went from straight A's to D's and F's, and she stopped leaving the house period. She chose to go to the psychologist, who ended up saying things that made my mom want to punch the psychologist. I was prescribed anti-depressants, and I took them for a while, and they made no difference. Then I got prescribed "Happy Pills" and read the bottle and saw "May cause suicidal thoughts", I stopped asking my mom for help with this (as she was my link to my doctor, as she still is, I don't like to talk to people, except on the internet...). I also went through a period where I had massive insomnia, to the point I was awake for 7 days in a row once, and stopped making coherent sentences, and then I fell asleep in the school swimming pool. (As I've posted here before in an insomnia thread). Long story short: Not taking anti-depressants. The mild ones do nothing to me, and the stronger one's possible side effects outweigh the possible good effects. Anti-depressants are meant to stop the depression from getting to the final point, suicide, and all they do in some people is speed it up. And as I've said in the past, I have no doctor atm, my old doctor was my pediatrician, when you turn 18, you have to change obviously. It's out of the way, so my mom has to do the paper transfers, and no matter how many times I tell her, she forgets (she's very forgetful lately). However, I have stressed lately she NEEDS to get them in. Also, I know what the feelings brought on from depression are like, this isn't like that, that much I know. I really don't know how to explain it. Well let's see. I have no job, I get pressured every day to get a job, I am not attending college, I get pressured everyday TO attend college, I have a weight problem, I get accused of eating everything when something disappears, despite the fact I'm down to one meal a day due to financial issues (my oldest sister is the one who eats everything, but she pawns it off on me, playing the guild card on my mom), I STILL have bells palsy, which is very stressful, despite the fact it shouldn't be. My mom and sister think the internet is bad for me, because I'm on it all the time. They don't understand that it's the only thing keeping me sane right now, I've signed onto Final Fantasy 11 (a MMO I play) before and just talked to a friend on there for 8 hours just talking, not doing anything, not even moving around in the game. There are plenty of other stresses that would take ages to write about. Since you mentioned muscles, my neck muscles are very very strained lately, like, they feel like they want to be stretched, and naturally, can't quite do that. I thought it was my Bells Palsy, as occasionally my face wants to get exercise, as since I can't move it, I don't do it regularly, but then I noticed it's my entire neck, not just my right side -.-, so you may be onto something... I find singing quite relaxing, however, I suck at it, so I have to do it at night, when everyone is asleep at night, as I have no CD player, my sister stole that a year ago, and my MP3 player mysteriously disappeared, and the same sister has a habit of pawning things. Writing is quite relaxing to me, however, it's hard to write at times, there's so much going on in my life I just can't concentrate on it. I woke up the other day and found a poem I apparently wrote in my sleep, that ended in death. That scared the crap out of me. One thing I have noticed: The only times I am truly happy and laughing without faking it, are when I'm with people I consider family (the other 2 families I've written about in the past). When I went to one of their houses the other day (when I walked there), I helped one of the women I consider a second mom cook dinner for the 9 kids she was watching (only 3 were hers, the other 6 were other family friends kids), I cut the onions, and couldn't tear up, which seemed odd at the time, lol. Doing household chores with them are fun, it's just being around them that makes me happy. I've been making a lot of changes lately... other than the walking thing, we had a party for the adoption of 2 foster kids into a family friends family (the family I visited when I walked <_<) There were LOTS of people there I didn't know, and normally I'd avoid it, but I went, to support them, and because if I go my entire life avoiding large crowds of people I don't know, I'll never meet anyone. That's just a little bit of what I've been doing differently, so it's quite possible the depression is trying to stop me, as you put it. My friend was like addicted to yoga in high school, I'll ask her for some tips, and see if she'll help me, as she knows how stressed I am. I know it probably seems like everything people say goes over my head on EC, but I do read everything someone says to attempt to help me, it's just whenever I seem to fix something, more things happen, and now everything is back, and it's bugging me. I still stick by the fact this feeling is NOT depression or stress related, I've NEVER felt something like it, and as I said, it's completely scary. If one of my cats moves in the kitchen, I immediately turn. It took me 30 minutes to go upstairs yesterday because I kept looking behind me cause I thought someone was behind me (Not paranoia, just the feeling is starting to get to me, when an ambulance drove by the apartment while I was sleep, I woke up instantly and ran downstairs to make sure it wasn't my mom or sister). See, I talk way too much on EC, and at times, I feel guilty and bad because of how much I type on here. I talk to my friends from school MUCH better on the internet than in person. I talked to one of them for 6 hours straight online, and the longest convo we held in person was 20 minutes. It's weird. I've had a few people ask me how can I talk so much on EC if I don't talk that much elsewhere. Although it seems weird, it's because I feel secure here, even though that probably sounds weird... Anyways, going to go to bed again... hopefully it doesn't take as long to get upstairs this time, I'm getting a little better at controlling the feeling that something bad is going to happen... The reason I'm so scared, is even though I haven't felt anything like this before, I had a similar feeling the night before my dad passed away. Right now, I really don't think I could handle it if someone I cared about died. Lately thoughts have entered my head I swore would never get into my head, and I've been able to push them away, but if something did happen, I know I wouldn't be able to hold them back anymore. My dad passed away 5 years ago, and I know I should be over it, but it just seems to get worse every day. As you can see, I tend to rant about stuff that have the SLIGHTEST relationship to something that I'm talking about, and I can't stop myself, however, if I delete it, it just goes back in, and then it messes with me. Now, if anyone actually reads all this... wow. I guess thank you, and hopefully it isn't too bad...
(*hug*) Hi Tim. I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. :icon_sad: You do have a whole lot of things going on in your life that are causing you stress. Sometimes you just need to pick one of them and figure out what you can actually do about it. And there might be several steps involved to get to the solution. Do things that are good for you. Go for a walk - every day. If you're wondering about why your neck is sore, perhaps it's because you're spending your entire day in front of a computer. If the monitor / chair / desk aren't set up correctly you're likelys straining your neck! So get up once in a while and walk around. Talking for 6 hours at a stretch via messenger probably isn't healthy for anyone. Visit with those friends that make you feel good - as often as they can stand you! Talk on the phone with people. Or better yet, go out and meet them in person. Invite someone to go on a walk with you. The only thing better for you than exercising is exercising with a friend. If you want to eventually find work, then you'll need to get out and do something. To start off, perhaps you could volunteer. At a hospital. At a food bank. I'm sure there are no shortage of opportunities. With respect to your mental health... It really sounds like you would benefit from talking to someone. Whether it's a doctor or a counsellor or someone else. You had mentioned before going to a grief support group. Did you ever go? If not - go. It can't hurt. Look at your situation. Would attending a support group like that to talk about how your life has changed since your dad died make your current situation worse? Or better? I hate to think of you feeling the way you do. Some people are dealt with more challenges in life than others. You've been dealth a crappy hand. And I wish there was more that I could do to help other than offer words of encouragement. Don't hesitate to PM me if you want to chat more.
Well, I seem to have come down with the flu, Based on the symptons I'm exhibiting, Freaky how that works, eh? I can't stop sneezing, stomach hurts, my throat is sore, I'm wheezing at times, my nose is running horribly, (btw, hot, liquidy snot is very very gross), I cannot cool down no matter what, then there's times I have those chills that go up your entire spine, I have a headache that is coming and going, I'm tired and I woke up not too long ago, and a few other things. I think I'm going to have my mom buy me some liquids tomorrow, as I haven't been drinking as much as usual, and want to prevent becoming dehydrated. My mom is oblivious as usual... Guess I must've picked it up when visiting those friends, their adopted daughter had a staph infection, and also had the flu, and she was out playing with everyone >_<. Maybe the feeling was my mind telling me this would happen, because I was oblivious to the fact she had the flu and I was interacting with her? (I knew she had the flu, but it didn't register in my head that I should try to avoid her) And yes beyondken, what you said is pretty mcuh exactly what I felt when my dad died.
Haha, I will, when I'm sick, I halucinate a lot, dunno why, one time I saw my mom standing over me when I was downstairs watching TV. Oh, then there's the 13 cats I saw when I went to school when I had strep (My mom made me -.-) Well, off to bed, sorry for all the ranting, XD Felt a little better. And Jim it isn't from being on the computer all the time, I'm on it a lot, but not 24/7, or every waking hour, they just feel I'm on it too much (When in reality, they're both on more than me >_>)
Update: (Although no one probably cares, rofl) It does not seem to be the flu. It's more likely to be a cold + allergies (Causing the sneezing), on top of dehydration, so gonna make an appointment with doctor once the papers are over, as I'm having issues getting liquids down (as in, I'm thirsty, but my brain won't let me drink... hard to explain?), and it's getting hard to lift basic things -.- If it gets too severe, I'll end up going to emergency room, where they'll tell me it's because my weight, I'll die, and my family gets rich from suing them <_< (ER is useless here, if you're overweight, they blame it on that, my mom's friend died because the doctors took one look at her, blamed her weight, something in her stomach bursted and killed her, and her family is suing the hospital...) >_> Though, I went from drinking barely anything (I stopped drinking a lot for some reason, never noticed it, was weird when it donned on me) to drinking more than normal, so hopefully that'll help >_< However, when I do get liquids down, I can physically feel it going down my throat and into my stomach, which is kinda a creepy feeling, which tells me I'm lacking something :S
