So today I found out who my roommates will be for the upcoming semester. And I'm just not sure how to tell them I'm gay or even if I need to. I guess I'm just not sure if I should tell them through an email/facebook message or if I should wait to tell them in person. And I don't know if this should be the first thing I tell them or if I should get to know them better first... When I was filling out the survey for the housing department at my school, I said that I would prefer to be with gay-friendly roommates, so I'm hoping they're all okay with it, but I guess I'd just want to be sure. So, yeah, any advice would be appreciated.
I would wait until you know them a little better before you tell them. Just because you indicated you would prefer gay-friendly roommates doesn't mean that the people you've been placed with are necessarily gay-friendly. Be patient, socialize, and make a decision once you're comfortable (or uncomfortable) living with them.
How hard would it be to move if they end up being homophobic? I think it'd be a system failure if they weren't gay-friendly though. And usually a guy asking for gay-friendly roommates would indicate a stronger than 50/50 chance that you're gay yourself. Being that you've been honest about what kind of roommate you're looking for from the get go, I think you should be safe to tell them in person when you get there. Peace! (*hug*)
I would tell him in person and if need help with the conversation, you can ask your resident assistant/RA to help
Is it realistic to anticipate homophobia? Amongst young college-age Americans, presumably on the west coast?
I think the area I'm going to is pretty gay-friendly, but the students could be coming from all over the US.
Are you given contact information i.e. email? I would agree that I would wait to let him know your gay but might be good to send an email introducing yourself and interests. Could take some of your fear. When I went to university we had no idea who we were paired up with till the first day, I remember how nervous that was.
I agree with what everyone else has said. You might want to look into moving policies just in case. My school has what we call the "two-week freeze." During the first two weeks of each new semester, no one is allowed to change rooms. After that, we can only move into a room if there is space available and it's a process that can take quite a bit of time. Ideally, it's information that you won't need to use but will be helpful if you do.
Well, hopefully they have taken that into account. But don't overthink it anyway, at the uni level you are less likely to end up with someone homophobic. I would just tell them the first time it comes up in normal conversation and not make a big deal out of it. I just don't like the idea of telling people beforehand because it seems a bit out of context and as if being gay was something negative you needed to "apologize for" beforehand (no offense intended).
I would suggest that you tell them about yourself, the hobbies you have or have had, the sports you like, if any, and send them some casual pictures of yourself doing the things you like to do with your friends. Save the coming out until you get there UNLESS they ask or come out to you, in which case be honest and casual with them about it. It is harder to develop anger towards a person you feel like you know than a stranger; if they feel like they know you and are looking forward to meeting you they should take the news OK when you tell them later in the right context at the right time.
There were some very homophobic kids on my course last year When you filled out the form was it an option to ask for 'gay friendly', or was that just something you put down in comments? I'd imagine that if it is there as an option then they will definitely have you with people who are cool with it, well they'd probably be the other gay kids who ticked the box ha. If it was just a comment it's hard to see how the university would screen incoming students on whether they're homophobic or not, so you could end up with anybody I'd say don't make a thing of telling them just let them know when it comes up. Chances are it won't be a problem but if it is I'm sure it would be possible to move.
