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Is this my being obssesive or just bad luck?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rbbhf111, Aug 27, 2008.

  1. Rbbhf111

    Rbbhf111 Guest

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    Hello all. I'm an 18 year old male who is pretty confident in his sexuality and what he wants. A few things about me.

    I have brown hair, brown/hazel eyes.
    6 ft.
    Slim/Muscular Athletic Build
    And currently not single, but not sure if I can be classified as this.

    My attitude has always been as you say "Straight acting/masculine" I have undergone "personal" issues that I never showed to the outside world. I've had an eating disorer and a problem with self-injury. And sleeping pills (But that wasn't an addiction)

    As I turned 18 years old I went through a stage where I would "Fool" around with many guys and girls. Somewhere along the summer that all changed. Now I want a relationship.

    To start of I have a question with relationships, how hard is it to tame one? I would give my all to have a serious relationship. Though I've been let down too many times to even think I "deserve" one. Sad thoughts to think of, isn't it. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Derek the Wolf

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    Real relationships aren't hard to form, but they do take time. If you want to see someone seriously, the first stage is just talking to them. Become friends with them. Then become close friends with them. Love comes in many forms. Worst case scenario, you end up with a couple good friends and no worse off. One definite way to kill a relationship with a girl is to have sex too soon. I don't know about guys on that. Anyway, communication is the key to any relationship. Be open, don't be judgemental, and be a nice guy. That simple, you'll find it's not that hard to actually fall in love, when you're patient.
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    From what you have written "currently not single but not sure if I can be classified as this" it seems that you are in a relationship but that it might not be a serious one. If you are already in a relationship with someone, I would suggest maybe try working on that relationship and see if it leads you to something more serious.

    All relationships require input and work from all sides. To form a serious (and lasting) relationship will take time but if you are willing to put the effort into it, it can work out. Try to get to know the other person, and allow the other person to get to know you. Most importantly, be yourself. Given that you feel that you already "have been let down too many times," maybe that would be one reason to take it slow and not to set your sights too high at first. Again, forming real relationships takes time, and you need a base from which a relationship can grow. Get to know people, form a friendship and take it from there. If it works out, great. If not, it just means that you have to keep looking.

    I hope this helps!
     
  4. Rbbhf111

    Rbbhf111 Guest

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    My problem is I met this great guy on-line because I come from a small city in Arizona. I met him almost 4 weeks ago. Things where going amazing for the first two weeks, I was on high we Did EVERYTHING together. Then it turns out I made-out with one of his friends back a few months ago. Before we knew each other

    I was so upset "I called myself a whore, and drove away" That following evening he took me to this park and asked me to marry him. That's after TWO WEEKS of knowing each other.

    After he said that I started "Crying" I said "How could you play that cruel joke on me, I care about you. Please don't do this to me" but he meant it. He said he was testing my "Reaction" and he like the reaction he got.

    Now I give my heart and soul into him and he acts like he doesn't give a crap. On Monday I tried to surprise him at a resturant. Its very expensive (50 dollars for entree) I just wanted to show him that I CARE and money isn't an object.

    I want to be with him so much, I want to give him love. But I wish he would feel the same. He said to take things slow and that he is passive and cannot make such decisions. He said he wants to go slow.

    LOOK I'm 18 and a half. I'm too old to be messing around, its TIME to get my life in order and find a relationship for the rest of my life. I'm NOT getting any younger.
     
    #4 Rbbhf111, Aug 27, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2008
  5. Mirko

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    First off, you are not too old to be messing around. You are only 18 and a half. What's the big rush? It's true we are not getting younger but you still have your whole life ahead of you. It's great that you want to get your life in order, but when it comes to finding a relationship for the rest of your life, take it slow and make sure you find the right guy.

    It sounds to me as if you are trying to force a relationship into existence that might not be even there. He wants to take it slow and I think that this is actually a good approach. Try to respect that and try to see it from his perspective as well. That said, his behavior wasn't the best one either. I think it is one more reason for you to take it slow with this guy as well and make sure that you guys are meant for each other before you commit to a long term relationship. There is a chance that it might not work out.

    Going back to your original post you mentioned that you have been hurt in the past. I fear that if you continue to do the things you have done, you will end up being hurt again. I don't think it was necessary for you to spend $50 for an entree to show him that you care. There are so many other things you could have done to show to him that you care, that might be a lot more meaningful. Take a step back and just try to tell yourself to take it slow and see how the relationship develops.

    The other thing I would suggest is maybe before you commit yourself to a long lasting relationship get other things going in your life first. Are you at a college or a university? What are you planning to do carrier wise?

    I hope this helps!
     
  6. Rbbhf111

    Rbbhf111 Guest

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    My so-called "Boyfriend" and I. We had wanted to go into Business together, he had wanted to make me partner for his Business in the future. Also since I'm a year younger then him in University he SAID "He'll take extra classes" just to wait for me.

    I always wanted to live in Boston or New York City, he in fact said he'd go with me. So is he commited? Of course he is, but I feel that there is no spice in the relationship anymore. All there is are promises and that's it. I don't want to go to the movies or eat dinner. I want something DEEPER then that.

    I've given my heart and soul into this, but he needs to put more emotion and effort too.
    How could I adress him in this.

    An emotional connection, I'm 18 years old I want to find that one person that I can be with for a long period of time.
     
  7. Mirko

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    You mentioned he is your "so called Boyfriend", though yet at the same time you want a deeper relationship and you've given your all. I don't want to read too much into it, but where do you see it heading? Try to keep things in perspective. He made some promises but keep in mind that promises often don't work out for various reasons.

    Relationships are in part about dinners, movies, going out etc.... This how you build long lasting relationships. If you want to find someone with whom you are long term, you really need to get to know this person.

    If there is no "spice in the relationship anymore" and if you want something deeper, than I think you should talk with him about your relationship and where you see it heading.

    Hope this helps!
     
  8. Jim1454

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    Hi! And welcome to EC!

    ^ You might think that's the only nice thing I have to say here. But I'm being honest...

    Anyone that refers to themself as being 'something and a half' IS NOT TO OLD FOR ANYTHING! :dry: If you spend some time reading in here, you'll find that most people in this forum (and I think most people in general) haven't had a 'serious' relationship at the age of 18.5. Most are older. It seems to me that you need to reset your expectations a little and allow yourself to figure out who you are, what you want, and what kind of person can make you happy.

    None of us are getting younger. But I found my soulmate at the ripe old age of 36! There's still hope for you - honest.

    I can't blame him for wanting to go slow. At least slower than you want him to go. You met him for the first time in person less than 4 weeks ago!

    Normally people have been on 2, 3, maybe 4 dates in the first 3 weeks that they've known each other. Based on that they won't be ready to commit to that person for the rest of their lives. If you look around at other examples of couples you know, how long did they know each other before they became engaged or moved in together?

    My bf and I have been together now for 9 months. I'd like to think that I'll spend the rest of my life with this person - and I feel comfortable saying that because we've talked about it and based on our present situations, I think he can see the same thing. However, had I said that after less than 4 weeks of dating, I think I would have sent him running for the hills. Almost NOBODY is ready to commit to a long term serious relationship after 4 weeks.

    In fairness, I also know where you're coming from. The 'first' relationship that we have with another guy can have a very powerful effect on us. We open up and feel comfortable for the first time in our lives - and that often makes us feel different than the other person.

    I'm glad you've found EC. There are lots of people here that can relate to your situation.
     
  9. Rbbhf111

    Rbbhf111 Guest

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    I doubt it will work out. Today he texts me and I call him right away then he does that thing where he says.

    "Oh the phone connection is weak and I'm hanging up" so he hung up on me.

    I didn't call him back, I just drove in my car NUMB. I knew this was getting worse between us.

    He called me back 5 minutes latter, he asked me to go eat with him and his friends. I said
    "We talked about this, I wanted us to talk in private, please"

    he said "Oh well I understand you're busy so its ok"

    His condesending attitude, I can't even cry its THAT DEEP. I put my heart and soul into working things out with him, but I can't play his games. I don't know if he is "testing" my patience. But I might as well leave before I fall into depression like I did 6 months ago.
     
  10. Jim1454

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    ^ I'm sorry things are going that way for you...

    I'm wondering - as I'm sure some of the other people are - what you thought of the advice that was provided in response to your original post. We didn't post it for ourselves... it was for your benefit.
     
  11. Alex89

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    Remember there is no time limit on when you "must" be in a relationship by. Don't go thinking "oh, I'm getting older, I need to be in a relationship". Don't try to force something if it's not working out. =)