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If you don't think they "got it" when you came out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by all paths, Jul 5, 2014.

  1. all paths

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    ...What do you do?

    What are some strategies or things some of you have done?

    I sent my Mom an email in March, doing what I thought was a 'mild' coming out: I gave her a link to a web page that I said I "first recognized myself" after reading. It had to do with romantic orientation.

    I closed the email with an invitation to talk about it, when she wanted.


    Nothing ever came of that, and it's been silent on the subject since, apart from some awkward attempts to suggest guy-'shopping' type activities to me, at first. Which I just *handwavium* poo-pooh'd away, sans commentary.

    After a week or two of this, she stopped that awkward shit. lol *thankful*


    So, what do I do? Or not do? Next?


    My 'plan' was to just sorta carry on with my life...and if I meet somebody, let her know about them. But I really feel like a fish outta water, here, as far as how to go forward with her. :/

    Another question: Should I take her awkward initial faux pas as indications that she indeed "got it?" 'Cause that's kinda been my guess. (Some reaction to let me know that it caused obvious anxiety/freakout/confusion in her, that something in her was fighting to deny...)
     
  2. all paths

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    *bump* Because I really need answers to this.

    This was like my main original purpose in making an account here. :frowning2:
     
  3. Nychthemeron

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    Sorry you didn't get any replies sooner!

    I don't think you should sit her down and talk. Just wait for an opportunity. Maybe she's talking about how she met your dad, or she's asking how school is, and you can stealthily slip in how you thought this girl was cute, then go off on that.

    Really vague stuff, I know. But I wish you the best.

    EDIT: ... Just realized you're 38. Oops.

    Well, there's plenty of cute ladies outside of school too.
     
    #3 Nychthemeron, Jul 6, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2014
  4. all paths

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    Heh. It's alright.

    For what it's worth, I don't act anything like 38, and most of my friends are much younger or much older than me. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Thank you for your response. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Really

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    Can you send another email being slightly more blunt? Maybe saying you hoped she understood what you were saying in the last email regarding your romantic preference (maybe you don't have to mention sexuality, per se, if it's uncomfortable) and that you really want her to be happy for you because you're happier than you've ever been (I'm making this up but hope it's true) and you'd like to talk to her about this and answer any questions she has, to the best of your abilities, when she's ready.
     
    #5 Really, Jul 6, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2014
  6. all paths

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    Well, since I said in the first one that "I recognized myself when I first read this. (-link-)
    I would like it if you could read it & think about it, and we can talk sometime later, if you wish" -

    -and there was never any response whatsoever, I don't think that sending something again will necessarily get a response.

    And I'm uncomfortable pressing the issue if she was that avoidant of it, the first time. :frowning2:
     
  7. spockbach

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    Your plan is similar to mine! I sort of figured I would move away, transfer colleges, possibly meet a girl, mention it to mom.

    When I tried to tell my mom - for the first, second, and twentieth times - she refused to acknowledge it. She still thinks I'm straight. She'll talk about guys with me. She won't let me talk about my feelings for other girls. Makes me feel as though I'm a freak.

    Worst of all, whenever I bring it up and ask her if she believes me, she says no.
     
  8. wanderinggirl

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    Hmm. Maybe you should start introducing an obnoxious amount of rainbows into your life? like, make your email signature rainbow, wear rainbow everything... until she gets it?

    Umm on a more serious note, you could just talk to her about it. "Umm so did you get my email? Just wondering, some of my emails haven't been getting through." or something so that you casually bring it up, and then maybe she'll open up about it.
     
  9. Bolt35

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    try to see if she understood the emails she received. if not try to bring it up at a time where you and her can have a private conversation about it. She might be in denial about it so who knows.
     
  10. all paths

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    Yes, I am entirely sure that she's in denial about it and probably hopes for the life of her that it just never comes up again. :frowning2:

    And unfortunately, I was scared sick the first time I even sent that 1 email. I just don't even know if I have the guts to try to bring it up again somehow with her, unless it's to say, "hey, I don't want this to shock you, but I'm seeing this girl."

    :/

    I know I am the most scaredy cat person in the world...but facing my mother about anything serious at all (serious in a 'possibly upsetting to her' way) is extremely difficult for me.

    She makes me really anxious when she's anxious.

    And I have to live with her. *facepalm*