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Gay Christian Help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kj802, Jul 5, 2014.

  1. Kj802

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    Hey, so I am almost 16 and I feel like I am gay, I am not attracted to women in anyway. And I am attracted to men. But I have a problem my family are Christian seventh day Adventists to be specific. I want to be a Christian to but to do so i can't be gay because our church says been gay is a sin. And since been gay is a natural thing we are born with or without I can't just say I will not be gay.
    I don't want to come out to my family cause I know they will still love me but they will probably try to find me some form of councillor to try to make me straight and I don't want that. And all my friends and relatives are Christian to so I don't know anyone I can tell who won't judge me or try to change me.
    I really need some advice.
     
  2. YuriBunny

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    If you depend on your family, you might not want to come out yet. You should wait until you are independent from them and have at least one friend who will help and support you.
     
  3. ShadowsRunner

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    Yuri is right maybe you should wait til your independent, because (heaven forbid) if things don't go according to plan you don't have to worry about them trying to kick you out. But I see where you are coming from, to many people just assume most people that are gay aren't religious. You want to continue to be christian but also not hide that your gay and I don't envy how difficult that maybe as I have come to terms with my religion and bisexuality, I know what chaos and emotions it can cause to a person. And you never know try talking to one of your friends about LGBT issues and see how they react to them; they talk about it like they don't really mind maybe you can talk to them about your feelings. I hope this helps.
    -ShadowsRunners
     
  4. C06122014

    C06122014 Guest

    I agree with the others but also you need someone who you can confide in because keeping everything inside is bad and it hurts you, keeping everything inside can also provoke negative thoughts which at this point in time is something you want to avoid, Make a friend who is a active member of the LGBT community talk to him/her about your problems but take all the time you need you shouldn't rush out of the closet.
    If you ever need to talk feel free to contact me :slight_smile:
    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  5. IG88

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    Hi and welcome to EC! Also, happy soon to be birthday!

    I looked around the Seventh Day Adventists website to see what they believe (I'm also a Christian, Protestant, but not SDA). On this page about marriage it lists everything that a marriage should be, and you can see that straight and non-straight people can fulfill what's on that list.

    Elsewhere on the website it has a positive view on not condemning someone based on their sexual orientation: "We hold that all people, regardless of their sexual orientation, are loved by God. We do not condone singling out any group for scorn and derision, let alone abuse."

    However, they still only believe marriage to be between a man and a woman: "Still, God's Word that transcends time and culture does not permit a homosexual lifestyle. The Bible's opposition to same-sex unions/marriage is anchored in God's plan at creation for marriage (Gen 1:26-28; 2:20-24), in divine legislation (Lev 18:22; 20:13; 1 Cor 6:9-11), and in Jesus' explicit confirmation of a permanent, monogamous, and heterosexual marriage relationship (Matt 19:4-6)." But, the fact that they use the word "lifestyle" is a red flag that they don't really understand what being gay means. Also, those verses that it lists have been picked apart and explained by Matthew Vines. His book, God and the Gay Christian, is an excellent resource to look at for affirming same sex relationships.

    This is how they believe homosexuals come about: "Homosexuality is a manifestation of the disturbance and brokenness in human inclinations and relations caused by the entrance of sin into the world. While everyone is subject to fallen human nature, 'we also believe that by God's grace and through the encouragement of the community of faith, an individual may live in harmony with the principles of God's Word.'" That phrasing ... "brokenness," "an individual may live in harmony" ... are they suggesting that people can change their orientation? The Bible is not a book on human sexuality, if it were than the authors would have understood what sexual orientation was. But they didn't. They saw everyone as bi in a sense, and that while most people had relations with the opposite sex, if they were lustful and excessive then they would have relations with people of the same sex, in addition to the opposite sex.

    Another place: "Yet throughout history Satan has attacked families—through polygamy, adultery, sibling rivalry, homosexuality, pornography. As families fracture, so do the individuals involved." Which item in that list doesn't belong?

    So, more specifically, it's okay for you to be gay, since it is an inborn thing. However, your church does not approve of same sex marriage. So for the time being, don't get married, and you won't be violating their rules. I would recommend not coming out to your parents, but like someone else said find a friend who you can trust. You can definitely have a relationship with God and still be gay. And by researching the verses relating to homosexuality, you might even come to the conclusion that you can be gay, love God, and get married to a man. But, since you rely on your parents for housing, food, etc., then I would keep this to yourself.

    Please don't hesitate to message me (post to my wall) for further questions. :icon_bigg
     
  6. duende84

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    Dude

    You are not alone! Please read John 6:37 - that was the one verse that pulled me through with this personal battle.

    God does not make mistakes I am sure of that.

    Best of luck and you have come to the right place. Welcome. (*hug*)
     
  7. QueerTransEnby

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    I totally get it, man. It is why I have waited so long myself. Even when you move out, a lot of people rely on their parents for support like I do since I lost my job in October.

    I echo what others have said. Pay attention to relatives like aunts and uncles. Do any of them take stands for gay marriage etc? Do you have any LGBT family or friends? Confide in them if you do. Tell them you want to keep it between you and them for now.

    I moderated for a big Christian website, so I know that SDA's are strict. They would be the types normally to get you to change.

    If you can drive, I highly recommend seeing if there are affirming churches in your area. Go on a Sunday or Wednesday night service while attending your home church for now. Search on a search engine for those affirming churches. Try to see if there is an LGBT center in your area as well. You are not alone, and the Lord still loves you and died for you. :slight_smile: If you have a relationship with Him, you are his. Man cannot pluck you from his hand. :slight_smile:

    Finally, pray that God would direct your steps. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for Him to reveal himself to you in your time of struggle. You will be shocked at the signs along the way. Just wait and have ears to hear. :slight_smile:
     
  8. offmychest

    offmychest Guest

    try seeking out a gay youth hotlines. you can call anoymously there and talk to people. there are also gay christian groups you can research online as well. you never know, your parents and family may support you and embrace you as you are. or they may try to convert you to being straight or "pray the gay" outta you. that could be hurtful to you right now. i would keep my mouth shut and look for other outlets to talk to (hotlines you can call, gay youth centers you could join or gay christian groups you could call/attend). i would also just focus on applying for colleges away from home where you can be a bit independent and explore yourself without fearing what other people will think of you.
     
  9. Kj802

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    Thank you everyone, your support is most appreciated. It is good to know that I am not the only one in this predicament. I also forgot to mention father is a pastor, which would mean I should wait a long while till I am definitely independent. And thank you to deunde84 for directing me to that verse it really helps.
     
  10. QueerTransEnby

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    My dad is an elder in my church. Believe me, I get it. He was so high-ranking, he led the search for our new pastor.
     
  11. phoenix89

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    I would try to find an open and affirming group. Gaychurch.org is a good site for that and for information on being gay and being a christian