Hello, I'm newbie here, I found this site from Google for some issue about my orientation and this is my first thread here. I'm come from a conservative country in Asia where most of people still think homosexual = transgender and Confucianism rule some part of your life. Honestly, I still questioning about my orientation and not sure what is it because I used to be attracted to some girls in past but now is mostly guys:icon_wink and I totally comfortable with myself.:eusa_danc I already told it to one of my friends, he said he cool with it and still want to become my roomate when we goes to college next year before I could take scholarship to study in U.S. Everything seem still be okay but my concern right now is my family. My family is typical type of traditional Asian family, you were born, grown up, study, succeed, married and has children to make your parents proud of you. But I know I can't do that. My question is Should I come out to my family before I reach 22, when I study in abroad or later 27, when I can stable my life and have relationship with someone. Sorry if it have some grammar error because English isn't my first tongue:icon_redf
Hi and welcome. I just wanted to say you can do all those things to make your parents proud! Just marry and adopt (or surrogate) with a man. Secondly COME OUT WHEN YOU'RE READY. This is the most important thing. If your not confident and sure in yourself and your timing others will doubt you. They might doubt you anyway but being ready helps a lot. No one can force you to come out or tell you when the right time is because like your sexuality only you know. When you feel you're ready to face the challenges, benefits, and awkwardness of coming out then do it. It's your closet only you can open the doors and step out (because the handles are on the inside). I hope I helped and good luck.
The most important thing is that if you think your parents might reject you and cut you off if you come out to them, wait until you're not in any way dependent on them (e.g. if they're paying for college, wait until after). If you think they will be accepting, or at least reasonably okay with it, you can come out whenever you feel most comfortable. And whenever you do decide to come out, good luck
If you're afraid that your parents might disown you/reject you, you should tell them when you're independent. Also, remember to come out whenever you feel ready Remember to love yourself and be yourself unapologetically and fuck the haters and don't care what they think because they're opinions about your sexuality are wrong. Good luck!! We're always here to support you (*hug*)
Thank you guys for replies(*hug*) I don't know if my parents will reject/disown me or not if they knew I'm into guys, we never really talks about it before. Sometime, I just drop a hint like this: Dad: Do you have any girlfriend? Me: No dad, but maybe someday I'll have a boyfriend Dad: Boyfriend huh? And nothing happens after that, they're very calm and really don't talk much about that topic anymore. But I totally agree with you you guys, I'll come out to my family when I'm independent, who know what would happen if I come out too soon, right? Thank you all(*hug*)
think about the situation you're in. it's totally up to you when you want to come out. make sure that you're 100% sure and 100% comfortable. make sure that you're definitely ready.
I think that you will be fine. Just make sure your ready, but with the "hint" you dropped, and his reaction, I think they may already know and that they are just waiting for you to really tell them... because honestly, suggesting you may have a boyfriend is not a joke, and DEFINITELY was not simply in one ear and out the other... odds are you dad remembered that and spoke with your mom about it... I say this because none of my straight friends would joke like that or say that... hell before I realized I was into guys as well I NEVER would have said that... But like I said, most importantly wait til your ready emotionally first off, and if your worried, then I suggest waiting til you are also financially independent, but dont make that the determining factor, if you are not ready emotionally when you first financially ready, there is no need to come out just because of financial independence... being ready emotionally is a must, but if your emotionally ready before financial independence then you may want to consider at that point whether to wait til you are financially independent its up to you... either way, I truly wish you the best of luck... I am from a completely different culture (Southern US) and personally, I wont until i have financial independence simply because i am a little quirky (Aspbergers which is highly functioning autism) and i refuse to take a chance on awkward, uncomfortable, and unusual interactions with them.... I would much rather just wait til I move out so that while they process and get used to the idea I MAY end up with a man instead of a woman (I am bi and like both, though admittedly i like boys a little more for now). That way I can still have my parents, but I wont have to worry about having a breakdown or anything during that processing time... So in closing, best of luck with coming out, and I hope you enjoy life in the US, you know where you will be living yet? the US can be great, but their are some areas to avoid if you want to be out in the states... its not that you cant live where ever you want, I just figure as someone moving out of the country alone, you want an easy transition... I suggest avoiding rural areas basically... cities are great, lots of people so their will more likely be some that are accepting and even a PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays). A good example to avoid? parts of Georgia, Louisiana, Minnesota... I say that because these are places I have read about how in high school gay kids are being bullied to the point of suicide and little is done... One Town's War on Gay Teens | Politics News | Rolling Stone just one example... I think one of the most accepting states is California.... and maybe Washington (state)... anyways, I dont want you to get worried about it, I just also dont want you to make uninformed decisions and end up hating America and your experience here... I will go back on topic now lol.. good luck with your parents and your journey... have fun stateside...
Hey Abeautifulmind, thanks for your comment Yeah, I could say I'm not ready to coming out yet because I think it will be so awkward and confused when I telling them. All in all, I'll be fine because I'm big enough to take care of myself at that time so even the worst situation happens that they reject me, I'll survive and not mention to my sis, she always supports me in everything. Maybe you will see my coming out story after 8 or 10 year laters.:icon_wink And hey, I know about Asperger syndrome, I'm myself has a little bit shy in social interaction and everyone thought I was one of AS at first time we met (ouch, now I don't know if I was one of AS or not because you seem exactly like me). I heard about the Bible Belt 3 year ago on Reddit, these are a story (seem like a fiction novel) about two college frat boys who also roommate falling for each other and they're live in deep South and that moment I realized Southern U.S is a conservative society and many story on the site confirmed that there are too many straight guys here. So, thank you for asked, I consider to live in Massachusetts or New York state because my aunt live in Philadelphia. CA or WA seems a good choice but I really don't know anyone else there if my cousin consider to choose Canada instead U.S
Well, on the computer I usually dont get anxiety or have anxiety attacks like i can with face to face interactions. In other words, I am alot better in forums lol. And yea, I live in the Bible belt. It sucks. I sat down tonight to consider my options for coming out and realized they suck. not just the outside environment, but my parents. My dad was raised here. My mom moved here from michigan, but based on a certain experience I had with her I KNOW she wont be accepting, at first for sure, though she may come around. Its funny, I think my dad will be more accepting than my mom, and my dad was a hardcore bible thumping christian conservative. And I didnt even consider my siblings. I think my sister might support me... well she wont disown me. my brother wont either, but he wont be 100% accepting. As for New York, if you mean state, it is bound to be better than the south. If you mean city, you will be fantastic. I think you will be great in Mass too, from what I understand they are fairly liberal. Also bankrupt. Or was that Maryland.... Anyways, neither ot those states are in the south, they are both yankee states, so they will lean more liberal. I really hope everything works out for you. If you have any questions about culture differences or anything, feel free to ask
Aw, how nice of you(*hug*) You're not the only one person has that feeling bro, I can become a keyboard hero on internet but in reality I'm very shy when talking with strangers:icon_redf because on internet you can become whatever you want without society's judgment, it safe but it lacking affection, did you ever try to skyping with someone? About your situation, I just finish reading your thread in FFRs forum, don't be stressed yourself to much, just relax to handling everything, you need to live, not to exist, be well. And holy cow, I can see you everywhere in this forums today, and yesterday, and you're always online, are you stay up overnight? :jawdrop:
nah, it is summer though, and my dad is the only one here because my mom is in the hospital with my niece. So I dont have to worry about shit right now. I am up late. And I have come to realize I have been looking for an outlet like these forums for a while. as for that thread.... Yea. As for a keyboard hero, definitely. But mine is not because of societies judgement as much as my discomfort with emotions. I hate trying to figure out how someone feel when I am talking to them in person. and then trying to make sure I am exhibiting the emotion I mean to. Dont even get me started on subtext. You know people should really just say what they mean and want, because their really are some people who cant read subtext. Hell even sarcasm can give me trouble. Not to mention not fully understanding the concept of even a simple high five. I really dont get it. I know what it is, I can imitate it, but I see no reason why it exists. Meanwhile on forums I can simply read someones words and determine their meaning, without considering emotions.
Any time you feel comfortable and ready to deal with their reactions. I suggest you come out at 22, when you're living abroad. This way it will give your parents time to accept you over the years.
