Last night I left my letter for my parents. My mom read it first, then left it for my dad. When I came home to talk about it with me, my mom was the only one downstairs that greeted me. She is, of course, confused, but overall okay with it. My dad is not. I haven't even talked to him about it. My mom told me that he apparently isn't even totally okay with my pair of aunts. I saw him when I was leaving the bathroom right before I went to bed. He was just shaking his head at me, and he started going downstairs. I told him I loved him and he started crying. My mom tells me that he is sad more than mad. I'm scared to leave my room now and I don't know what to do or how to react to him when I see him. It was hard for me to sleep last night and I can't help feeling that I want one more night where my dad didn't know.
Give him space, i think thats the best thing, let him battle it in his head. He might even go on the internet and google stuff about it. If hes still a bit distant after a week then just try and make yourself known a little bit, just help and try and reassure him that you're still the same. But well done for coming out! Very proud of you!
Very proud that you came out to them, and sorry that it's not going smoothly at first. (*hug*) Give your dad a little bit of time to think. Keep talking to your mother - she might be able to talk to him and comfort him a bit. He's most likely going through the grieving process because he's lost the perception that you're straight, and that entails denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance, not necessarily in that order. If he comes to a point where he feels comfortable talking with you, ask him what his concerns are and why he's so sad. Hopefully you can talk through it. Good luck, and good job for coming out to them!
Everyone already said what I really wanted to say, so I guess I can't really add on. All I can say is that, if you told him you loved him, and if he started to cry, it's a good sign that he's feeling regret or guilty of his thoughts, and that he, too, loves you, and he will learn to accept who you are sooner or later. I respect you for being able to come out to your parents like that. It takes a lot of courage. Good job, man, and I hope everything will be okay soon. (*hug*)
He randomly came up to me and hugged me without really saying anything. It was the first time I'd seen him since the stair-crying incident, so it kind of said what I needed to hear. I'm sure he's still not happy, but I know that he still cares and everything. I was scared to leave my room when I woke up this morning, so that's why I was in such a panic. We'll still have to talk about it when he's ready, but I'm definitely going to let him come to me for that.
Be strong. My father and I have no relationship at all. I think your family will be fine in the long run, and I wish for you the best.
I agree with the others, give him time. He is grieving. Many parents envisioned a life for their kid: marriage, kids etc. He is probably sad that this turns out to be an illusion. Eventually he may come to the conclusion, after reading up on it etc, that you may very well still be likely to have all of that and he'll come around. Btw, chapeau for having the courage to come out. Very brave of you.
I'm sorry he's not completely fine with it, but it sounds like he really loves you so I'm sure he'll come round in time Keep us updated!
Be strong and hopefully things will get better. He just needs a bit of time to accept you. I promise it will be okay eventually. You're very brave for coming out to your parents. If you need some one to talk to message me.
It takes time really. I think you're out of the danger zone though my friend. Are things perfect? No. Could they have been much worse? Yes. A lot of men just don't know how to act around gay/bi guys. That's how it is.
I think you and your Dad are going to be ok...it probably took you a little time to process things when you realised you were gay...he just needs time too...like you say...his hug tells you all you needed to know. Btw...think you are awesome for making the decision to tell them...following it through...the compassion you show for them...definitely a son they can be proud of
Leave your dad alone for now. What I think will happen is that he doesn't want to lose the relationship with his son. So, he's going to have to be the bigger man in this situation and come to terms with it.
I haven't come out yet, but I know my dad will probably take more time to come to terms with it. Just give your Dad some space and let him think and come to terms with it. It's always a surprise for parents when there child is homosexual. Hope it all goes we'll.
I think the reason that often happens, is because a father, on some deep level, sees his son as being his continuation in this world after he is gone. When I was a teen, I joked a few times to my dad that I might be gay, and he would get this disgusted look on his face that said, "don't be stupid, son, of course your not". My mother's reaction when I asked her (interestingly, I did not feel I had to joke with her, I actually asked her "how would you feel if I were gay?" was totally different: she was very supportive, although in my case, sadly, there was an element of her being subconsciously pleased, as if that were the case she would not 'lose' me to another woman - she was not completely well and still isn't). It's generally harder for straight dads to accept, than straight mums, as far as I know. I sense that your dad will come around in time. He started crying, that's much nicer than what a lot of other dads do or say in that situation. I think you must be able to sense that he still loves you, that has not changed. Just give it time for the dust to settle on all of this. I respect your honesty and courage to come out to your parents at the age you are at, to express who you are; I think it's going to turn out ok. Stay in touch and keep us posted, yes? Damien. (&&&)
give him some space and time. right now it's over. you've done it and came out the closet. your parent are in the "process" of learning the fact that you're gay. it's a lot more in common for dads and sons to have that type of situation at time, even i somewhat had the same situation. my dad was sad about me not passing on the bloodline and last surname to his grandkids. so i'd say try to understand what they're going through as well. it's alright to let all your emotions out while you still can, don't keep them in for too long. everyone's had it rough.
Tyler, I would have given anything to be in your position after coming out to my parents. It really does sound like you and your dad will be in good shape in relatively short order. Congrats on the courage to be you and being honest with your family.
It could have gone much worse. My father said he was okay with it, but through his actions I have no relationship with him. At least he gave you a hug - he is probably feeling like he "failed" or some such - which we both know is total b.s Finally - give him time as his vision for you (wife, kids etc) will change. In my case - I see my father 6 times a year (6 times too many), he doesn't acknowledge my partner of 10 years and actively tries to discourage me from doing anything positive for myself. Don't worry - he hasn't disowned you or kicked you out.
I think things turned out pretty good for you man, you just might need t give him a little time like everyone has been saying... but I will say I dont think it will be long... I have heard of it taking years for some people, i doubt it will be 3 months before you guys will be on good footing again... but like i said, you should keep that letter even if you dont want it you may in the future, who knows a memento to share with future boyfriends to help them... Well, I know I would keep it...
