OK. So here's the problem. I'm 18 years old and headed to college in five weeks. I'm not out to anyone but myself and I'm struggling with the fact that I can't come out. I really want to come out to my family before I leave for college but my dad is very worried about my brother. My dad comes home always in a foul mood because of my brother and sometimes turns to alcohol to numb his anger. Both of my parents are super stressed and involved with my brother because as a junior in high school he's not "shaping up" in their minds (horrible grades, violent, lazy, rude, teenage boy stuff to the extreme) and I'm worried my news won't help them cope right now. Right now I'm the only child that is stable. They look to me to be the "perfect kid" with a seemingly bright future. My parents always talk about how they expect great things from me and my future husband and how I keep the good name in the family. Hey I'm gay probably isn't the news they need right now. Should I continue to hide in the closet until things get a little better for them? What should I do?
I think you should keep it to yourself for now, have fun at college and maybe after the first year, come out and tell them! I think you've left it a bit too late to tell them now as its the whole "Hi, im gay, ok bye!" and then leave thing. Also they would feel like you have been lying to them this whole time and just wanted to get away. But if you come back with the news, then its like you've been wondering 'who you are' and now finally know! And they will see how happy you have become and it'll make them happy to see you and everything! The reason i know this is because i came out to my family when i left to live in a different city, then i came back and they were all happy to see me and noticed that i was a lot happier that i have finally told them my BIG SECRET.
Well I can say that I'm in the same situation with my father too. He lost his leg due to diabetic related gangrene last August. I wanted to possibly come out to him then, but then that happened. So, rather than put a superfluous amount of stress on him, I decided to wait. There's a time and place for everything and I think that it's a wiser thing to do at this point. Remember that you also get one shot at this, so you can have a little bit more time to reflect and think about what you want to say and what you're going to do exactly. The reason why your parents are expecting these great things, albeit it's not fair, is that you're a reflection of them. They want to be proud of themselves and ensure themselves that they produced a healthy, happy, and productive member of society. That's all. You can't deal with your brother's behavior, and I'm sorry about that. By the way, from experience, I think that your parents know more about this or have an idea about your sexuality more than you think.
Thank you both for your insight. I do believe there is a time and place for everything. I think I'll give it another year or so.