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I need to tell my best friend... but how much?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by srockerz, Jul 8, 2014.

  1. srockerz

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    I'm 100% bi and I have known for at least 3 years. For the longest time I tried to convince myself that the feelings I thought I felt for other girls was just admiration or a phase, but I've come to accept that they're more than that. I've had stronger feelings towards certain girls more than guys, and my closest friend is one of them. We were pretty close two years ago but when I realized how strong my feelings towards her were I got freaked out and I couldn't be myself around her so we grew apart. I got really close to another friend who spewed the whole "you're my best friend in the whole wide world" crap when she didn't really mean it, but I bought it. So I went way to deep with that one, developed crazy serious feelings, until one day she just walked away like everyone said she did and I was depressed for months afterwards.. I just got back on solid footing, truly accepted who I am, and have become really really close with that other friend again. No one knew anything until a few days ago, I accidentally told a few friends that I'm bi. Now that its out there to a few people, I feel liberated but it also sparked the old feelings I had for my good friend, and like 10x stronger too. Only thing I can think about.
    I want to tell her about me because she's the only person I trust the most and the only one I really want to know. I'm not too worried about the whole acceptance thing, because her sister, whos only a year older, has a long term girlfriend and shes totally cool with it. But I am afraid it will change our relationship because theres a big difference between a sister and close friend.. Anyways, I'm pretty set on not telling her how I feel about her though because I can't see that going in any good direction. She's pretty darn straight, even though she still avoids dates and avoids anything even barely serious with a guy (shes even said shes grossed out by penises, but shes younger and more naive than everyone else in our grade, so thats not surprising)
    Thoughts on how I should bring it up and how much to say?
     
  2. Candace

    Regular Member

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    If she was practically your best friend, wouldn't you think that she has it at least partially figured out by now? I feel like she's going to be okay with it since she must realize that this is really hard for you. It's not your fault that you found her attractive. You can't choose whom you love, and you're being honest with her and in the most honest way possible. She can't get mad at you for that, right? If that doesn't float your boat, then I suggest talking to a counselor or someone who might be able to guide you through this. Why a counselor? Well, they've probably dealt with this classic story over a thousand times. They are professionals for a reason.

    Best of luck to you :slight_smile:
     
  3. Bolt35

    Full Member

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    it seems like you're more nervous about it. she sounds like she could be very accepting about your situation and how hard it might be because of her sister. i'd say be honest with her about it. i'd say you can still tell her you're bisexual. i think i'd hold off on the feelings though. those kind of things might not go as well as you expect it. you definitely put some time and effort thinking it through, and not a lot of people do that. keep it going and eventually you'll figure it out
     
  4. ABeautifulMind

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    I always think its best when crushing on a friend who you have not come out to, just start by coming out, so i think your on the right track, but i have to ask, how old are you and your friend? she is grossed out by male genitalia? unless very young that may have been her way of testing the waters or something. I dont think you should jump to conclusions, odds are she is straight, because you know her and I can tell you consider her to be straight, but I can remember when a gay friend of mine came out he would use one argument that was "I think vaginas are gross man, they completely turn me off" and considering that being gay is at least somewhat genetic and she has a gay sister... OOOOOO light bulb, have you considered bringing her into the fold? she could be a great ally in your future since she was in your same boat and is your best friends sister...


    Either way, just make sure you are ready emotionally and comfortable coming out, dont rush it because if she starts questioning you or doesnt accept you immediately (I think this is unlikely given the circumstances) and you were not ready, it will be alot harder to deal with.
     
  5. imsofancy92

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    I know im bi since i was a kid and i still havent told my best friend that knows me since we were in our early teens. Its been over 10 years later we have plenty of gay friends. He accepts them and doesnt care. But ive never been able to tell him or my closer group of friends. I just feel like i cant. I know it sounds bad and that they love no matter what. Am i a dumbass for hiding this from my friends?