So I've been questioning for about 6 or 8 months, and have recently come to terms with being non-binary/trans-masculine. I'm out to a few people but I haven't tried coming out to anyone who didn't already understand non-binary identities yet. I'm planning on coming out to my mom's cousin this weekend. We are quite close and she's asked me in the past about my gender-non-conformity and seemed pretty cool about it, but I don't know how much she already knows about this stuff. My whole family's pretty accepting and there haven't been any problems with my gender presentation, (I was a paul bearer at my grandfather's funeral, and wore a shirt and tie along with my male cousins and uncles,) so I'm not really worried about her reaction, however I'm not sure how to explain some things. I've found a bunch of resources and stuff to show her and decided what I want to say but I'm not really sure how to explain the difference between gender expression and gender identity. I think the most likely question that I'll get is "How is this different from being a tomboy?" The only thing I can think of to explain it is that I don't like being referred to as a girl/lady/woman ect. or with feminine nicknames, but I'm not sure if that's concrete enough for her to understand. Do you folks have any other ideas or any advice in general? Any help would be much appreciated.
Welcome, it's nice to see another NB. Explain that just like some people are trans and not all males are going to want to be men, and not all females want to be women, there are some people who internally know they aren't either binary gender. Explain that binary gender is an artificial construct, and how in many other countries there aren't just two genders, for example India has a third gender called the hijra that are extremely feminine biological males who wear saris. In indonesia there are five genders. In Albania some female people take a vow of chastity and are allowed to live as men. If they ask you how you know, mention what it is that tipped you off. For me it was that I didn't want to be a man yet didn't feel like I wanted to transition to female. Another thing was how every time I got called a man, it grated my nerves. Yet another thing was how I would get dysphoric when my I looked to masculine. It's different from being a tomboy, because a tomboy still is perfectly content being a girl.
Thanks for the advice! I'll definitely try mentioning the fact that there are different gender systems in different cultures.
