Ok so I need some advice. I am gay and as of yet have not come out, I don't plan on coming out until I am financially independent and can sustain myself because my parents are Christians. And as a Christian homosexuality is a sin. I know my parents will still love me when I do come out and I am still going to be Christian because I believe I can still be loved even though I am gay. But my main problem is that I know when I come out my parents, especially my father, will try and convert me to heterosexual which isn't possible because sexual orientation is something you can't just change. I really just need to know anything I can do to help my parents realise I can't change and I won't change, and to get them to stop nagging me. When I do come out though sadly I will have to change church because many of our congregation are homophobic. I also just want to know. Did/does anyone else have to wait until they are older to come out to their parents in fear of the reaction they would get?
I do. And it sucks :c I love my parents so much but I feel suffocated sometimes because I can't do what I want. My parents found out I liked guys a few years ago an tried to change me. I told them I changed and that I don't have thoughts about guys anymore and bla bla bla. But I do. I feel pressured to get a girlfriend to prove that I don't like guys. And if I act weird about anything they get all suspicious. I really wanna be able to move out and live my life how I want to for a bit to understand myself because, at the moment, I feel like I can't. And I totally understand the christianity thing. My parents are pastors. They're great people and I love them. I've learned so much from them. But they don't support homosexuality at all. Andost of the people from our ministry dont either. It's really frustrating because since my parents are the pastors, I go to all of events and know all of the people. And I love these people so much. But I feel like if I were ever to come out so much would change. Too much would change. :/ Sorry for not having any advice. But at least you know you're not alone out there. And it's nice to know that I'm not te only frustrated gay/bi Christian out there
Yea I feel like that when I come out there will be some people that will support me but ten time more who won't. just after I started this thread I went looking about and found this PDF on the web. It is written by a Christian lesbian, and she is explaining how it is ok to be gay and Christian . Just thought you might like it https://christiangays.com/ebook/gay&christian.pdf And thank you for your response it is good to know there is someone else out there like me.
Hi, while I'm not christian myself, I find it heartening to find that you are able to accept this about yourself, that it is not a 'sin', at your age, despite all you have probably been told. I can't advise about the coming out to parents aspect, but just thought I would mention that I've read all the gospels pretty thoroughly and we never hear Jesus condemn homosexuals, that was something that got added later on by others. In fact, there is a possibility that 'the disciple Jesus loved' refers to some same-sex attraction on his part, because after all, didn't he love all of his disciples? Why distinguish one in particular as 'the disciple Jesus loved'? Remember that according the Theology, Jesus was not only divine, he was also fully human as well...and being fully human, entails having a sexuality. So I just thought I would throw that in, because while it is true that most Christians are homophobic, it appears that Jesus himself was not. Damien.
Thanks for the feed back Damien. And yes you a correct in the fact that Jesus did not speak of homosexuality. But there are a lot of other verses from different books of the bible that do 'criticise' homosexuals. But thanks to the PDF I Mentioned in my last post, I can now fully understand the context of those verse and why they don't apply to our current time. Also as a side not I find quite interesting how you've read the gospel and yet are not Christian.
Im not christian any longer either, however having been one, I can tell you that most of those (maybe all??) are in the old testament. In christianity (when I practiced) I was taught that the old laws of the old testament are no longer applicable once Jesus arrives through Mary. Basically instead of following all of those laws and the ten commandments, now we were supposed to use Jesus as a role model and behave christ-like. obviously he followed the ten commandments still lol, but not the leviticus man lying with man gets stoned bulls#it. And as for waiting til you are financially able, in 2010 I started going to school again and moved back in with my parents shortly after so I could save money. And there is no way in hell I would tell them while under their roof. Not because they would kick me out, they wouldnt. However they may not have a stictly positive reaction and I would rather have an apartment to "retreat" to if it does go poorly. I feel bad for your situation as it really resonates. My parents thankfully are not pastors (you have my sympathy) however my dads side of the family has always been VERY religious. I am not sure how that talk is going to go whenever I have it... sometimes it makes me consider just denying the attraction to guys and sticking with girls... I mean I still find a lot of women attractive. Just stronger attraction to more guys
Hello there. I don't know your parents, but I do know that not all Christians will reject you for being gay. They really aren't all the same, thankfully. Like yours, my parents are Christian and neither of them rejected me. I know it's not the same happy story for everyone, but if your parents love you I'm sure they won't kick you out. I never could understand how a parent could do that to their kid. So sad. If I were you, I would test the waters before coming out. Casually mention something you saw on the news about same-sex marriage and see how they react. Get an idea on where they stand as far as gay rights go. If they don't seem completely homophobic, I think you are safe. I know before I came out I was extremely anxious. I couldn't eat, sleep, or think about anything else. It literally made me sick. If you feel this way too, it's just not worth it. If it helps, you should tell one parent at a time. Perhaps your mom? That's what I did. She can help you decide whether or not it's a good idea to tell your dad. Be strong and stand your ground. You don't need to change for anyone because there's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes it takes parents a while to get used to the idea of having a gay kid, so be patient. Good luck to you. I hope you can be another success story.
He is not worried about getting kicked out, he is worried about them trying to "pray the gay away" or otherwise convert him... Also, what ever happened to love the sinner hate the sin? that was another of my old churches "indoctrinations" I keep for a rainy day lol... and if his mom is anything like my mom he might want to start with dad, I actually think my dad will be easier. A while back under unfortunate circumstances, my mom told me "I was so worried I didnt know what to do, I thought you were gay" and it literally crushed the coming out I had been planning for sometime the next month...
It happened initially by default, as I went to catholic schools in which we were required to study them. But even later on, I reread them once or twice, when I was going through my 'comparative religion phase', seeking greater understanding by studying texts from several of the world's main religions, including, but not limited to, the Bible.
Thank you everyone, it really helps. But I was thinking of when I do come out that instead of telling them face to face,(cause I would break down)I will just write a letter explaining everything from how I feel about it and how I don't want them to try and change me blah blah blah. It would also give them time to process everything, and they can't argue because it is on paper.
That can work, but where will you go, and what if they dont find it... make sure you think of everything before you leave it... For instance do NOT have them see you putting the letter down lol... that will most likely jar you pretty significantly (It would me)... then you would not only be face to face, but caught sort of off guard... and where would you put a letter like that? you clearly want them to read it asap after you leave so they can start processing... and where are you gonna go, and for how long.... overnight... a weekend... how long you think your parents need? I am just trying to point out things you should make sure to consider if that is the way you go (which i think its a great idea)... But I would say the best part is you can get all of your feelings across without them interrupting or getting upset with you or anything...
Neither my family nor I am religious at all; However I have thoroughly read your gospel and its accompanying texts and so I know the kinds of things you're worried about. Perhaps remind them of a few things from your holy tracts-- "Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things." "So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment?" Romans, 2:1 and 2:3 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Luke 6:37 and 6:41 "Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God." I Corinthians 4:5 "One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand." Romans 14, 1-4 The parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector from Luke 18 may also be pertinent to you. And of course, this is always a good reminder. "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. " Matthew 5:22 By their bigotry towards others, they damn themselves. They would be wise, if they are to follow this god, to keep his rules in mind.
In any case where coming out to dogmatically religious parents, I always recommend having a copy of "Prayers for Bobby" ready for the parents. IF you are coming out by letter, put a copy of it with the letter and make yourself scarce long enough for them to view it. Reference it in the letter and suggest that they view it to help them understand what you have said in the letter. It will give them some important things to consider before talking to you. You might want to view it now yourself.
^^Great suggestion, great movie.. You know I am totally using that whenever I eventually have this conversation/situation come up... I may even use the letter idea.... been considering leaving a letter behind when I go traveling next semester... yea, over all unless you come from an extremely legalistic/fanatical sect/denomination/church then there is a decent chance they will be accepting and all... along with that movie you might include some research illustrating that it is not a choice you can make... unfortunately I have alway just watched documentaries and things I have never gone looking for scholarly journals on the subject which is surprising to me, I always look in peer reviewed journals, I am surprised I havent on this subject...
Ok so 'Prayers for Bobby' is a movie that could help both me and my parents? Also thank you Gypsy, those were some great verses. They really helped me.
I'm glad I saw your post last night. I saw the PDF that you posted and I'm gonna read up on it when I have some time. I also found this page a while back. https://www.gaychristian.net/faq.php https://www.gaychristian.net/greatdebate.php And though I never finished reading everything, it gave me a lot of peace.
Ill check that movie out. I saw read the synopsis and looks interesting. ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2014 at 09:34 PM ---------- Thanks for those verses! I really identify with them. The only thing is that with my parents is that its not so much that they´ll judge and criticize me as much as it is that theyll try and "help" me. If I wanna stay under their roof, Ill need to follow restricting rules and make an effort to change and stuff unless I wanna go live by myself. It doesnt help that my dads two brothers (who were both gay) died young thanks to HIV... Its an extremely sensitive issue in our house...:s
Same as you, I'll wait until I'm financially independent (27) to coming out to my parents not because my family so religious, in fact, where I live, homosexual never described as a sin, it just nothing but social described it's unnatural and people not accept it just because various stupid reasons
