(I am talking about my extended family, my immediate family knows and is accepting) So my family isn't extremely homophobic but they are to some degree. I have a gay uncle and they don't fully accept him but they tolerate him, but I don't want to be tolerated I want to be accepted. And I know Ishould come out vbut I'm scared of the backlash. While my extended family isn't a large part of my life it would still be weird to not have them in my life. And there are a few people I do truly love and don't want to lose but they're the most homophobic of them all. I'm also angry that I can't just have a family that loves me regardless, everybody deserves a family and it makes me mad that I have to lose mine. I was just wondering if anyone has been through something similar and has advice or can relate. Thanks for reading and possibly responding
Hi there, I don't have the same problem but wonder if you could figure out who was the least homophobic to tell and work your way towards the most, telling each along the way that you'd appreciate them letting you spread this news yourself, until the only ones left are the worst ones who you could tell everyone else is fine so they should be too. Avoiding the blabbermouths, of course. Or even, have one or more of your immediate family with you when you tell the hardest ones. For support.
I see a flaw in that plan. Im not sure if it is for sure, but that is family. Bonds can run deep and for many years. What I mean is, people in families may not hold that secret, it is something some people take to be over the line to keep as a secret. Be aware of whether or not that is an issue. Why are they homophobic? sometimes if it is religious, they think it is wrong to keep that secret. My solution, would be to first talk to those who are out. In private. And ask them who is accepting. They will know. Not more or less subjective-ness but simply a yes or no. Not just tolerate, because what my suggestion is to get them all together or tell them seperately, and then have them come together as a support group and ask their advice about how to continue. That would be my route I think. if I were close to my extended family. I can count on one hand how many times I have seen them in a decade. ---------- Post added 12th Jul 2014 at 08:53 PM ---------- Im slightly intoxicated, sorry if that first part didnt make sense... I just think sometimes peopl place too much trust in their own instinct about peoples reaction, and in a homophobic family there could be reasons that would lead to harsh reactions.
I understand this problem.My fam is extremely homophobic. To the point where when they heard that one of my cousins had come out, they asked if his parents had slapped him hard enough that he was getting up off the floor. They also make fun of my homosexual friends and tell me I shouldn't be friends just because their homosexual. Part of it is religion (which they force on me) but they were like this before. Any suggestions?
My first thought for you is, have you considered coming out of the proverbial religious closet? It sounds like you dont agree with their religion, and if not, explaining that could help them understand why you are ok with gay people. Then later on you can deal with the other closet.
