Ok we all know that I don't like being gay. I won't bore you with that tirade again. But in the past few days my mind has gone to being united against my being gay to being divided in favor and not in favor of it. One the one hand I think that if I just ignore it I won't have to admit that I am. The other side is slapping me and saying accept who you are and learn to like it goddamnit! So my mind is in an all out civil war with each side trying to convince the other it's right. And I have no clue what to do. Eventually I'll be torn in half from the friction. I got to thinking whether or not to come out and the battle escalated. The funny part is if I did, my family and friends would still love and accept me and thats what I fear the most (ain't irony a kick?:icon_wink ) because that makes it real. Whereas in my mind i can kind of half convince myself that it'll pass. So Im sorry to bore you and to show that I can be vulnerable (another thing Im not too keen of doing) but I had to rant. Whew I feel better now. Comments and advice all welcome, I love hearing from you guys.
Sounds like a healthy process of discovery, reflection and acceptance of yourself is starting to take hold. Don't rush into anything - just let it happen. Just talking about it i'm sure does make you feel better - so keep that up as well. If this forum is the best place for that to happen, then stick with it. We're always looking to read something new from other members!
Like Jim said. Its good to talk and slowly deciding which you would rather. It took me about a year to finally decide I wanted to come out and be proud of who I loved. Its scary sometimes because well you think someone will accept you and then in the end they don`t. Then others you think would drop you don`t. It was one of the hardest things for me to do. To start with my father actually GROUNDED me for being gay. I wasn`t allowed to see my bestfriends and I was told I could never see the girl I was dating ever again, but it all calmed down some sort and my father saw that he couldn`t control who I dated or who I would hang out with so he started to TRY and accept the fact but still has hope I will turn straight.
Yeah, you're feeling torn... You'll figure out what will make you happy... Ask yourself if you want to live by your desires, or by someone else's. Then run with it! Good luck. (*hug*)
