"You'll know when you're ready."

You'll know you're ready to come out when you can't keep it in anymore, I came out to my family on a Sunday at like 5pm we were sitting in the living room and I bursted into tears at first no one noticed but(that day it literally hurt not telling my family about my sexual orientation) when they noticed they asked what was wrong and I meant to shake my head like saying nothing but instead I said "I'm gay" I said it twice and I said it because I couldn't keep it in anymore, at that point I knew I was ready.

A couple weeks before that I was at school and I'm in highschool and I had watched a movie that kind of made me think deeply about my sexuality so I was thinking and thinking about it all day and every day for a week, I started to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt to school (now that surprised my friends because I'm pretty conceded so yea) my grades went down, I'm not taking one or two% I'm talking whole letter grades from an A to a C in a week! So I started to slack, and my friends started to notice and they got together and told me "what's going in with you? You're not being yourself and we want you to be happy so anything you have to tell us tell us now" I didn't tell them anything. I said ok I'm sorry guys I've just been thinking a lot, and I just haven't been myself.

So in order to Prevent me having to tell them(I WAS NOT ready) I became "myself" again I faked a smile or faked a laugh and suddenly no one noticed anything wrong with me(I have never thought of or attempted suicide just thought I would put that out there). So I pushed it aside but then it happened again and this time I had to tell someone and I started to think and think and think and I couldn't think of someone who I trusted enough I thought should I tell;
Kevin
Luis
Scott
Alex
Christy
Sabrina
Brizeth
Noelia
Charnelle
Tabitha...ETC

The point is I didn't know who to tell so I was desperate. I went to the library one day and I ran in to christy we sat down and started talking and she was the first person I came out to, on June 12 of this year(hence my username). She was very accepting so I was anxious and couldn't wait to tell my family which I did two weeks ago on the twenty-ninth of last month. At that point I think I was ready...... It's something you just know........it's something you just feel

P.s- sorry for the loooong post /.\

 

I have thought about this as well. People say to wait til your ready alot, I have said it as well, but never given it much thought. Does that mean maybe once you feel you can take whatever reaction you will get? That is what I assumed. A way of saying be prepared for the worst.

Although that could be me being pessimistic by nature

 

Well, the phrase just means that you yourself are comfortable enough with and trusting in other people to share it.
For example, I thought a lot of coming out before and wanted to plan the right time but then I ended up telling my mom spontaneously while watching tv. It felt right and I have no idea why. Well, in the tv there was the news about a football player that came out as gay sooo I think it was kind of the trigger.
But you have to know that you don't come out because of others. It's only for you and that you feel comfortable with the idea of it. It's your decision and only yours.

 

I dont know, it`s just when it suddenly feels right to you and you feel like you are ready.
Gosh i remember when i told my friend Hanna, I knew she would be accepting, she even has a gay uncle, but i was just so nervous. I think the reason i was nervous was because i had no idea how to even bring it up. It was just eating me from inside so i just burst out with the whole "uh i gotta tell you something" speech and she was very accepting. The whole thing was just a really awkward experience honestly, but it felt good.
I cant really remember how i told my mom i might like girls more than boys, we were just talking about stuff and i just said it.
I have also just posted a poem i wrote on facebook, wich is about a girl that loves another girls and is kinda sad about it. I dont know, but i guess that is kinda a clue to people about my sexuality.
Just when the moment feels right or when you are talking with someone and sexuality or something like that comes up, that could just be a nice time to bring it up without having to go trough that awkward speech like i did. lol

idk if this was even helpfull to you, but at least i tried.

 

I believe there can be number of reasons/factors when you think 'its time' that you tell someone. For me, i never felt the need to come out... i used to think i can live my life without telling anyone ever. But now, the pressure is increasing.. from parents to get married.. and from friends to find someone to date..'why are you not seeing someone?' 'why is that there is no one around you'd like to date?' these are the kind of questions i have to face daily. So I feel, for me the time has come.
And I'm also not planning or waiting for a special day for it... i think its going to be spontaneous

 

I've also wondered about this phrase. On one hand, I'm so so sick of hiding who I am, and being in the closet is starting to affect my mental health, my relationships and just every aspect of my life. On the other hand, I know I'm not ready because every time I think about coming out I feel sick and I'm genuinely terrified. I don't want things to change, but I know that they will. So, what is 'ready'? At this stage, I feel like I'm just gonna accidentally tell everyone...

 

I mean, you'll know when the situation is right for coming out. You've fully realized that you are in fact who you are and how your family/friends will take it.

 

I spent months depressed freshman year of college. I was lonely, miserable and stressed. I've never been depressed like that and I haven't been since coming out. It would eat at me every hour of everyday. I didn't care that I was gay, but I cared about what my friends thought, what my family thought. Would they still like me, support me, hang out with me, etc.

One day I was trying to write a paper and I felt physically ill. My stomach hurt, I couldn't focus, I was trembling in a computer lab. I wrote my friend a big long text and stared at it for an hour before I hit send. I finally came to the conclusion that I no longer cared what anyone thought, I just couldn't live any longer with the constant nagging at what they may or may not think. If they hate me forever then at least I have my answer and I can move on. Once I told my friends, that depression and misery ended and I became the happiest person. Of course nobody in my life cared/cares, and I should've saw that.

So for me, the need to know what everyone's reaction would be drove me to insanity and to save myself I just started coming out. And it was completely worth it.

 

i say it a lot haha.("when you're ready"; not the "you'll know" part haha) i'd put it this way. when you definitely know for sure when you're gay and are comfortable enough to share it. i guess there might not really be a "perfectly ready" time to come out to anyone. it totally depends on you though.
as for me, i was ready to come out this time of the year and i stuck with it. i knew i was gay for a while and was definitely sure that i was. i thought that this year was the right time to do so and i couldn't stomach the fact of hiding in the closet any longer. it was matter of "opportunity" and decided to take it. although i kinda regretted that i could've done so with someone on my side but i felt better. everyone is ready on their own terms and sense of way, but for me it was around that time i knew for sure that i was ready.

 

"Change occurs when the pain of remaining the same, becomes greater than the fear of changing." -Judson Mills

In other words, you come out when it sounds less scary then staying in the closet.

 

Wow.... that quote is just.... thank you very much for posting that. It is so short and sweet.

 

Hehe, you're welcome. ^.^ (*hug*)

 

For me it was a combination of I couldn't keep it in anymore and I felt comfortable with who I was and was prepared for the worst. I had become very depressed and it was all I could think of. The weeks leading up to it I began planning and thinking of who would be the first person I told. That was one of the first signs for me that I was almost ready. I think I may have been at that point where I just wanted to be me and accepted as I am because I was comfortable with who I was. For me, I think they went together. I didn't wake up one day and say today is the day, it kind of happened, however, the person I had chosen to tell was planned and she asked me how I was, and I hesitated....then gave me a look that said are you ok, and I gave her one that said no, and this led to my first time coming out.

 

It's been a very gradual process. One by one and two by two...parents both in the dark right now.