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Coming out as trans-how? Why? Help?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Raatox, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. Raatox

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Hi!

    Background:
    I have finally accepted that I'm more or less trans. I dress male and cut my hair really short a few months ago. But I've always been a "tomboy" so I don't think people find it so strange. My parents says I look like a guy now (they don't really like it) and kinda know that I'm trans. So does my best friend. I don't plan to transition physically, but I want to change my name to a androgynus one, but I don't know if I dare to do it.

    My question is; Should I tell people I'm trans? Does it change anything?
    Can I ask them to treat me as a guy? To refer to me as 'he'?
    And how do I do it? :help:
     
  2. RainDreamer

    Regular Member

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    Yes, you should, if it is possible for you. It will certainly change things, especially the way people treat you. Note that it is possible to go either way, good or bad.
    So I suggest you test the water first and see how they might react to LGBT people in general (not so hard since world news have a lot of LGBT news recently). If you feel the response is dangerous for you to come out, then make a back up plan, where you can go off and live with a friend/relative that accept you, for a few days at least, so they got time to think through even when they weren't accepting at first due to shock.

    If they are accepting, then yes, by all means, tell them to treat you as a guy, and use male pronoun. They might fumbled at first, but will get used to it eventually.

    And you can always tell them face-to-face, or through letters/mail.


    All of this said, coming out is a purely personal decision. It has many great results, but only if the person coming out is ready to face others as they are. If you feel that you are not ready, keep it in mind, let your courage grow, and wait for the right time.
    Also remember that, you don't come out just once (unless you are a celebrity and everyone knows you). You will have to come out many times with many people who doesn't know about you yet, again and again. It gets considerably easier after the first time though.
     
  3. KayJay

    Full Member

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    If you would be more comfortable using male pronouns then it may be better if you come out, at your own pace of course.

    Coming out as trans would likely change quite a bit. It seems like your parents don't like that you look like a guy but they still see you as a girl. So letting them know that you are a guy and would like to be called him/his/he is a pretty big change. Of course you can ask them to, you said they aren't accepting though. My parents weren't really at first but we went to these LGBT meetings and my parents really turned around because of it. Not that they are perfect now but they are much much better. Perhaps you could suggest that to them, I think also being knowledgeable about things when/if they ask questions helps. It kind of shows them you aren't "fooling around".

    I think in a way your parents may have it a little easier, since you said you have always been a tomboy of sorts. It likely isn't as hard to change pronouns and a name than it is doing all of that plus adjusting to new looks. Perhaps start with your close friend, ask them to change the pronouns and maybe even try out names you might like to change to. I know being out in public it helps when someone else introduces you as your preferred pronouns.

    All of that said, coming out is generally quite difficult no matter what in my opinion. I hope however and whenever you choose to do it that it goes well for you!
     
  4. Raatox

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Thank you so much for your advice!
    I really think you're right, that it has to take the time it takes. I just want everyone to see me as I am, but the way to there is quite difficult, i guess.
    My mom is quite supportive, i've talked to her a bit, but I think both she and my dad needs quite much time to adjust. I live like 300 miles from them, so we don't meet so often, but I was home for a week and tried to be quite 'normal', to prove that I'm still me and havn't changed, although I had cut my hair and told them I think I might be trans. so next time I think I maybe can take it one step further and so on...
    As for my friends I hope they are supportive, I'm happy to live in a quite big city in a lgbt-accepting country and study at a university. And most of my friends are accepting of the LGB at least, so I hope... :slight_smile:
    I just dont know if I can make them refer to me as he, and use another name...