I'm almost 100% sure I'm gay. I thought maybe I was bi but thinking about it and past experiences and stuff I'm almost certain I'm gay. But I'm scared. I am struggling to come to terms with this personally and it's been hard recently. I think it would be easier to process it if I had someone to talk about it to. But I'm afraid to come out. What if this is (not to be disrespectful) a phase or something. What if I come out and I lose friends and cause problems within my family and then I realise down the line that I'm not. This probably sounds super petty and self-involved. But I don't know what to do. I've never kissed a girl or had any kind of sexual encounter with a girl, but girls make me nervous in the most petrifying and exciting way. I just don't know. I have gay friends and I have straight friends but I am scared to come out to either of them. I'm not in a situation currently where I could experiment, I'm living at home and working constantly and there are no gay bars or LGBT groups or clubs I could join in my area. So I know that until I go back to college I won't get a chance to try this out for myself. Should I just stay put until I go to college? At the same time I would like to go to college confident in who I am from the very beginning. Any advice? Legitimately, ANY advice would help at this point. Thanks a million, Kate <3
Hey! Also relax! And we're all proud of you for being comfortable in knowing yourself. Only come out if you feel like you're ready to come out. If you're 100% sure that you're gay then thats fine. Nothing is wrong, your mind automatically thinks the worst because we've been brought up to think that its not a good thing even though its just a natural thing. We can't stop it and we can't control it and tbh, we don't want to. We've all been to that stage where we think everybody will hate us but from my experience its completely untrue, i had a super pleasant experience coming out to my friends and family, they are all more than accepting and awesome and then when i did come out, i met my boyfriend 1 month later. I've been with him for nearly a year now and loved it all. You will tell people when you want to, it gets very very painful holding it in, not physically but mentally, and when it gets too unbearable, you will tell someone, and once you do, its amazing, you feel great and you also feel stupid on why you were so scared about telling people.... If you know you're gay, you won't change your mind later on in life, you just KNOW that that is you. Its hard to explain but its the same as straight people knowing they are STRAIGHT! Chin up! Live life to the full! Be happy! HAVE FUN!
there's nothing really wrong in experimenting and figuring out your sexuality. you're just in the process of getting to know yourself more and what you considered attractive. some colleges confident (if you mean social workers) might not really care all that much unless they're with an organization like the LGBT alliances. i guarantee that you'll find people who are in the same position as you when you become a bit more open about it. don't be afraid to get rejected by the people you love, it's a part of life and it's what makes us bold and strong as we move foward. i was at the stage where i thought everyone was going to hate me but it turns out that i was proved wrong. it's more about what you give to people.
It's okay to be afraid of that. Heck, I've lost a lot of friends and I know that I'll lose a lot of family members when I come out to them. So what? Do you really need those negative people in your life? Those members should be able to support you and love you no matter what. If not, then you'll be better off without them. Like the guy above me said, that's going to happen. It's happened to me, and it's happened to practically every single one of us here. Am I sad about it? No, of course not! I'm only surrounding myself with people that love me and support me. That's all that matters. Good luck with all of this. We're here if you need any more consolation. Good luck!
For me I guess I'm most afraid of coming out to my family. I have a very tight-knit extended family and they are not at all accepting of people who are in even the slightest way different to them. I'm afraid I will alienate my parents and siblings from my grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins. I don't want to be the cause of a rift within my family. Personally, there is a very large part of me that loves the fact I'm gay and is totally comfortable with it. But at the same time there's a smaller part that reminds me of what my school peers used to say about gay women. I went to an all girls, catholic school and they were really, really, REALLY, nasty about it. Even the word lesbian, is something I struggle with as a result of six years in that environment. I was also wondering if anyone has any advice on getting over that kind of stigma because it's stunting my acceptance of myself and I don't want that kind of toxicity in my head. It's driving me crazy. Thank you so much for all your help and advice so far. You guys are the best and I love that this forum is in existence because I'd be so much more lost without it.
First, you don't control how other people act and feel. All you would be doing by coming out is being authentically yourself--if other people have problems and cause drama, that is on them, not you. And you could be right that some of the members of your family won't be cool about this, but some people might surprise you. Often, it's the people we know least about that we feel inclined to judge--but when we get to know someone different (or we find out new things about people we know) it can change minds and hearts. But even if coming out to your family didn't change their minds, you still can't control how they act and you shouldn't have to try at the expense of not being able to be honest about who you are. (*hug*) Second, I think getting over stigma attached to gay people is a lot easier once you start to surround yourself with said people. It's easy to feel bad about yourself when the only information and impressions of people like you you get are from people who are hateful or ignorant. It's easier to feel better about it when you meet people who are like you and find out that they're great people who feel good about themselves and defy the stigma attached to them every day. You're well on your way to that just by being here, so keep it up
Hi kate, if you still worry that 'it might just be a phase', and are not quite 100% sure, maybe spend some more time exploring your feelings, talking about things (here on ec is a good place for that), before making a decision one way or the other? I also think that maybe, we need for first fully accept ourselves, before coming out...I don't know, I lack the experience of many others here, but in my case I want to know for sure myself first, be fully accepting of it, and then come out in my own community more. Just my two cents' as I'm rather new to all this myself... Damien
