Iv only recently accepted that im gay and its slowly sinking in. But im terrified of my parents knowing. Im sure everyone goes through this but it feels horrible. Everytime I come home from work I feel paranoid that they have found out somehow and I feel a bit awkward. I dont feel ready to tell them or come out to anyone and living this lie is hard. I get on very well with my parents and im very family oriented but im scared that this would change if they knew. Im aiming to tell them when after I move out some day but I just dont want to take the risk of tellimg them now. How can I get over this fear? Thanks
I can only speak from personal experience here but here goes. I was in a similar situation before I came out to my parents but I was out of state at college. Every time my mother would call we'd always have these awkwardly long pause beacause I felt like if I talked about how I felt or what was going on in my life she'd know. From my experience the only way to get over the feeling of fear is to come out to them or to stop feeling like who you are is something to hide/be ashamed of. Also I recommend when you come out to them plan for the worst and hope for the best and know it will be neither.
Well, you've already mentioned that you have a job. I also see that you want to move out. Well, the way I see it, if the worst should happen (hopefully it doesn't, but), then you could, in theory, survive on your own. You have a paying job, therefore you make money. Also, you'd be surprised as to how much your parents might have guessed about your sexual orientation. I think what you should do first is come out to friends (I see your out status is "no one"). Well, you have to gather yourself around people who will support you and help you in times of need. That way, if your parents don't take it well, you can always come to them. That's why I came out to my friends first, yet I still haven't come out to my dad. I think that the appropriate time to come out would be when you are stable in the sense of a. having friends that will support you and be a "safety net", so to speak, and b. when you have your own place and can leave at any time. If they were to kick out you right now, where would you go? Also, there is a chance just as well that they'll love you and continue to support you and act as if nothing changed. How will you ever know that? So, I can wish you good luck and update us on stuff that happens
I feel the same way!!! I hate it. I'm always paranoid and I think about doing it but then I realize it's probably a horrible idea and I'm paranoid that when I start high school every1 will just look at me and know. Some1 here told me to try to bring up lgbt in a convo and just see how they react so u kind of can get some sort of idea how they are and what they think about it and my parents are religious but idk about urs so maybe finding could help sort of. sorry if I'm no help. Good luck on everything I seriously hope that if u do come out that it goes ok and every1 supports u and accepts u.
Well I used to be terrified of anyone knowing, especially my parents, now I sort of wish they'd guess and save me having to tell them I'd recommend coming out to a close friend if you can manage it. Coming out at the beginning is really scary, but it does get easier each time, and being gay feels less and less significant as things with your friends are just as they were before. When you say it's a risk to tell your parents now, whilst living at home, do you mean there's a serious chance they'd kick you out for it?
By your own admission, this is a recent thing for you. So, if you think about that quote from your posting, especially the parts I've highlighted, does it follow logic that your parents will also know at this very early stage? Unless they can read your mind or you are giving off very obvious signs, it's most unlikely. I think the growing awareness on your part may increasing the feelings of anxiety and it's possible your parents may have noticed if you seem more anxious, but it would be a very big leap on their part to draw any conclusions about your sexuality.
Thanks for your replies everyone. I would like to move out some day but I dont earn enough to do so. Im not sure if they would kick me out or as I get on really well with them. Their not homophobic at all but I cant take that risk. I guess I just need to come out to some friends or something.
I felt the exact same way as you when I was just starting to accept the fact that i'm bi. It took me time to get over this fear and feeling more comfortable in myself that i'm bi. It also helped me when I came out to my friend to talk to her about it. So i'd say just give yourself a bit of time to come to terms with and accept and be proud of the fact that your gay. Also if your ready it could really help to talk to a close friend.
Yes, because they can be a helpful lifeline for when you do decide to come out to your parents. You could always stay with them, right?
