Hey, so I'm a 20 year old guy, and it's only been in the past month or two where I think I've stopped ignoring/lying to myself about my sexuality, and I'm now starting to accept that I am gay. I've known for years, but I never really allowed myself to say that I truly was, and stuck it to the back of my mind. Now that I've confronted it, and am perfectly happy to admit it to myself, it's brought loads of questions to my mind about telling family and friends around me, but I just don't know how to go about it. I've managed to tell my closest friend, because I know she's 100% accepting and understanding and trustworthy. Now I've got a large-ish friend group, with varying degrees of trust and sensitivity to the LBGT world, but now I just feel like I'm lying to myself and those around me, but how do I go about possibly telling them? I don't think I can take anymore conversations about which girls my mates think are hot. In a way I don't think my friends will care that much, but there's just this nagging scenario that I imagine where they'll reject me as a person, and that completely terrifies me, but at the same time, it's probably unrealistic, but just leaves me with a lot of confusion. Family wise, I think my mum may be hinting that she's okay with the idea of someone being gay, just by the subtle passing comments she's said to me. Makes me think that she's got a hunch, and appears to be encouraging about it, but I'm just not sure. I'd probably have to ask her if she could not tell my dad, younger brothers or anyone in the family to be exact, and I'm not sure how I feel about asking her to hide that from people. Any advice or experiences people have had will be greatly appreciated!
hey dude! so first, be definitely sure to do your research and expect questions. a lot of people have their own way of coming out but the main ones are by letter, online(least recommended) , phone conversations, or just one on one. how you come out or choose to, it's up to you, as long as you're ready. Friend wise, i'd start off with the closest ones, and probably in time, you can probably figure out that the rest might not need to know about it. you'll always going to get the "nagging" scenario and it might not stop even after coming out the closet haha. If they reject you, there will be other people in life willing to accept you for who you are and not think twice about it. i'd say don't worry. I know the nostalgia might take over but we all move on. Family on the other hand, if you think your mother is the best person to start with, by all means go ahead. Mother's intuition can be a bit of a scary thing. at least you'll have your mother to support you.
Hi. sorry I don't have great advice just wanted to say congrats on coming out to ur friend. I hope that when u tell everyone else it goes well and also ur really brave.
In the final analysis, you have to just sit down and do it. Like you did the first time with your girl friend. You do what you need to do and they will do what they need to do in response, and then your life will go on, probably with a lot less angst, and not much drama. Your mom has likely already figured it out, and is just waiting for you to accept it and get comfortable enough to tell her; she has probably also talked about you with your dad, even if he hasn't figured it out on his own. Just sit down with her and tell her that you know you are gay, and you want her to know it too, because you need her support. Don't ask her to keep it a secret from your dad; let her tell him in her own way at the right time if you don't want to tell him yourself. As far as your male friends are concerned, you have to decide if it is important enough for any of them to know, because it will be hard to tell them and then expect them to keep it a secret from each other. If you don't MIND that they know, as opposed to just being afraid they will reject you, then tell one of them you like best, and tell him it's ok if he wants to share the information with the others if they ask, and if any of them ask you if it is true, then tell them yes too, and try to act like it is no big deal to you, which it isn't, once you have truly accepted it as reality.
Thanks guys for the advice you're giving me. I'm beginning to get a clearer path on what the next steps are for me in coming out, I've decided that I'm going to tell another friend within the next couple of days and then I'll have to see where things go from there. It's such a pain that people just can't already know, why do we have to go through this stupid process of telling people :lol:
