Hello, I really don't know who to talk to or what to say. I'm surrounded by people who expect me to be somebody that I'm scared isn't me. I just got married. I should want to be all over my husband. But I don't. He tries his hardest to show affection. I was attracted to him in the beginning but it just seems to have left me. When he touches me it doesn't turn me on, it usually revolts me. But I like sex, just not with him. I've always wondered if I was a lesbian, but tried not to think about that. I was raised in a very strict baptist home. So I was scared that if I thought about it too much it might come true. I've been with a girl one time. And when I fantasize my mind always wanders to women. I'm just very confused. The guy in with really is a good guy. He doesn't deserve someone who isn't sure what they want. I don't want to let everyone down, but I don't want to have regret the rest of my life. I don't want to never feel true love. I want sparks with someone. I want them to make me feel safe. I'm just terrified what I need isn't my husband.
Welcome to EC, Kmheart. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I myself have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 yrs and realized I'm attracted to women a year ago so I can imagine how you feel. I already decided to tell my bf I'm gay and break up with him but didn't yet because it's far from easy to do, especially because he's a good guy and I don't want to hurt him. It's inevitable though because all I can think about is being with a woman. I tried to suppress my desire for the sake of the relationship but it's just made me more miserable. I understand you're terrified but if you're lesbian it'd be better for you to be honest with yourself and fair to your husband and not to sweep it under the carpet this time. You said it well about not wanting to have regret for the rest of your life. I wish you all the best. P.S. There are many people here on the forum willing to help, some of them in the same situation as you (esp. in the LGBT Later in Life section), so feel free to post more. (*hug*)
That sounds like a horrible, horrible nightmare. It does sound like you might be a lesbian, but don't jump to conclusions. Have you spoken with your husband about this? Is it possible that he would understand your dilemma, or at least try to understand it?
