So there is this guy that I'm seeing. (For about a month) GREAT guy, fun to be with, 18 years old, Best of all he is humble and kind. His parents make about 700,000 dollars a year. My boyfriend lives by himself. (His parents bought him a house with like city views and he drives a mercedes). Even though I'm "Middle class" and he is very upper class. I NEVER take advantage of the stuff that he has, We are always splitting stuff 50/50. He knows I'm the real deal, and I'm genuine. The thing is "Perfect guy (or girl) doesn't really exist. He is a very passive person. He usually does what people tell him to do. His friends always ask him to pick them up and take them places. They never pay for gas, my boyfriend always pays for them. And buys them gifts. It kind of pisses me of that his "so called friends' are doing this sh*t. So I told him straight up. "You know that Brenna and Victoria are taking advantage of you, you drive them around. Yet they don't do anything for you. They just Use you for your money. It is so obvious, dude" He got upset about it, because he understood it was the truth. If you had a friend that was being used how would you address the situation?
Agreed. If you see someone you care about being taken advantage of, you should do something to right the situation. He may be upset now, but hopefully he'll see that you're just trying to help him out.
Maybe you should ask him why he's letting them take advantage of him? Perhaps he thinks that is the only way they will stay his friends? Remind him what a great person he is, and the you're his friend no matter how much or how little he has. Remind him that true friends do not take advantage of each other, they help each other.
700,000 dollars, a house, and a Mercades?!? What the hell does his parents do? Sorry about that, I was blinded by the thought of money. LOL Back to reality. Do you know if your boyfriend's financially indepedent? I mean, does he work or pay any of his bills or car note? If his parents has done everything for him in his life, he may be so dependent on them that he doesn't know how to be assertive or aggressive when necessary. Not that I'm painting your boyfriend to be a spoiled brat, but this may be why he's so passive. Also, are those two friends rich too or are they middle class like you? If his friends are truly using him as a bank, then I hope he finds true friends and dump those golddiggers.
Well from the sounds of things I can understand why he got upset. Now I understand where your coming from thinking that he is just being used and you just want to protect him, but realize he sees these people as his friends and the very idea that they don't actually like him but only like what he does for them is very insulting. How well do you know these people that you suspect of taking advantage of him? Does he have a long history with them? Consider also from the way you described him he is very humble and perhaps he knows that he was given a lot more than his friends so he doesn't mind sharing in the wealth so to speak. I say this knowing that I out of everyone I know am the only one of my friends who has a car, and most of my friends don't make a lot of money and since money isn't nearly as tight in my family I am always willing to transport my friends around free of charge without ever expecting them to repay it. Not because I need them to be my friends but because they are my friends and I am always willing to help a friend anyway I can. Since I don't know your bf as much as you do I can't say if it is the same for him, but if it is like that then I can guarantee he would take major offense at even judging his friends to be the kind of people who would do that. In all honesty I would have to disagree with some of the other posters personally I think you made a mistake confronting him about it. from the sounds of things this is something he will have to work out with his friends on his own. You may be worried that they are using him and you can tell him about your worries but I don't think you should just flat out say they definitely are. Because when you did you not only insulted his friends you insulted his kindness and generosity towards them calling it foolishness. Your intentions were good and hopefully he will see that but you cannot blame him for being upset.
I'm gonna ditto geist. When I go out with one of my friends, I pay about 95% of the time. Why? Because I have more money than he does. Because I like to do things with him, and I don't mind paying his way. Even if the only reason he hangs out with me is because I pay his way (and I'm pretty sure it isn't), I enjoy our time together, and it's worth the money I shell out. If your guy wants to play taxi for Brenda and Victoria, and buy them stuff, that's totally his call. ...and don't reveal how much people make. That's kinda rude. Lex
yeah his mother makes about 300,000 and his father makes everything else in the family. His friends are in college living in dorms. Lexington , I appreciate your point of you. But you are Wrong. Lexington are you saying that its OK to have a friendship with somebody because they like you for your money? With all due respect, but that is. SAD. The thing is he is my boyfriend. And I wouldn't want my boyfriends being used. Not all relationships are "Standard". I don't know what I will do is leave myself out of the situation, after a few weeks this continues to happen. I'll make him realize what's happening without using any words. So I will stay out of it. Hopefully he can figure this out on his own. it has a lot to do with his self-esteem. He is kind of insecure about himself. How do you raise a person's self-esteem. With good benefit?
I believe you did the right thing in telling him, as it is clear you are concerned for him. I know some people who are very passive as you say and it's now in their nature to do what other people tell them without a second thought as it's what they've come to expect. Perhaps suggest to him next time he goes out with his friends only take enough money for himself, and just tell them he's trying to cut down on how much money he spends so he can be more independant from his parents. If his friends get 'offended' at him not paying for them anymore they obviously based the friendship on money. Good luck, and he does sound like a great guy so I wish you all the best!
Well, I hope he understands that you mean well, and of course, are telling him the truth I would do the same in that situation.
>>>Lexington are you saying that its OK to have a friendship with somebody because they like you for your money? With all due respect, but that is. SAD. Why? People maintain relationships and friendships for all sorts of reasons. This guy might make you laugh, this other person might be really supportive when you're feeling down, this third person might be great at a party. Would I personally hang out with someone just because they were rich? No. And I'd like to think I bring something else to the party other than deep pockets to my relationships with my poor friends. (The fact that we tend to go to high-class places like Subway makes me think that they could probably do a hell of a lot better than me in that regard. ) But that's me. Other people have diferent standards. If he enjoys the time he spends with these women, and he doesn't mind shelling out the dough, then there's no foul as far as I can see. >>>The thing is he is my boyfriend. And I wouldn't want my boyfriends being used. He's your boyfriend, not your pet. And as such, you don't have final say over which people he chooses to associate with. There's nothing wrong with giving him a heads up if you feel he's getting the short end of the stick. But if he chooses to continue to hang out with these women (and foot the bill), that's his call, not yours. Lex
I did the exact same thing to one of my friends. People always ask him for money for lunch at school, and he always gives money away. Even to people he barely knows. And I got pissed at him, and told him straight in his face that they are using him. And he sorta stopped for like a week but after that it was back to normal. I don't think your friend will change. It's pretty hard to change another persons opinion and especially if he thinks that they are his friend. Since money is not an issue for him and probably never was, he doesn't really understand the concept of money probably and probably doesn't care. Even though they might be using him, he wants to continue to be friends with him, and since the money factor doesnt matter to him or his parents, then he will continue to do it, cause what else is he going to do with the money? nothing. I think you might just have to let it go, and just ignore that fact that his friends are assholes and are using him because if you pressure him too much and tell him what to do all the time, he may get annoyed and sorta angry.
So today, I came over to my boyfriends house. There where some people over, of course the girls asked him for a ride. But he told them on the phone "He was busy with other guests" So they had to take the Bus to his house!! hahah. So I feel that even though he is passive I got through to him. My boyfriend actually said when we started going out. That I was the one to make all the calls and decisions. Because I'm more decisive and straight-forward. I'm glad he didn't take it too personally. Which is a step in the right direction. He tells me to decide things for him usually. Hah so really I do get the "final" word of what he does. but seriously being REAL, I still care for him. And I want him to be the happiest he can be. He may have a lot of money, but he takes medication for depression. (So money can't buy happiness. Lol very cliche) So today he felt a little "proud" of himself that he could make a decision like that (He told me)! I'm glad. sort of? lol P.s BTW, being friends with someone for "Emotional reasons" whether they make you; cry, laugh, or crazy is different then being USED for material possessions. Huge difference. SO that is hardly irrelevant in the two.
Well, yeah good time its resolved. In my circle of friends, I'm the one who usually provides the ride and stuff, but recently, we've been splitting it to my other friends who can provide. Oh, and I agree that relationships shouldn't be based on money, though I believe that if you really love the company of that person, I won't mind, nor care even if I spend a lot of money just to see that other person smile and be happy. For me, it'll be worth all of it.
Perhaps i missed something but; I understand that you told him he is being 'used' and that he understand that, but has he actually said that he doesn't like it? I get paid way more then ANY of my friends due to the nature of my work and I spend almost all of it on mundane things for my friends, like food and transport etc. People said to me that i was being a pushover and being used for a while (which is silly because im a very assertive and out-going person) but they soon realised I honestly didn't care. A friends company is worth any spare change you have.
