Hello there , I am new here. just call me Ben. I am in my late 20's and I knew I was gay early on. When I was 13 I was more interested in looking at boys shirtless then girls in underwear, that was the first red flag that made me think ho! I think I'm gay.The problem is my father is homophobic so I had in my head that it was wrong so I did the most unintelligent thing I could do and tried leaving a straight life style hoping that by some strange way that my gay-ness would go away by itself , like it was a cold or something. Last year I had an epiphany of the sort and I linked a depression I had for the longest time to the fact that I hided this secret from everyone close to me, meaning that I never had an honest relationship because i was never honest with myself. I came out to my mum, Brother , Sister and they were a bit shocked because they did not expect it one bit as I am not really a stereotype of a gay man.i still did not come out to my dad.Since I came out to my family I feel much happier in my family life but I am still stuck in my social life. It's like I made myself lie about being straight for so long that it became something that I have a hard time stopping. I started a new job and a girl asked me today "Do you have a girlfriend?" and I said yes but it's not true at all , I dont even know why I said that , it's like I got really scared to say "actually , I'm gay" I wanted to say that but I still didn't have the courage to say it. I am reaching out to an LGBT group where I live to see if they can help me with that. For any of you's who came out in their 20's and 30's what helped you afterward adjusting your life to be openly gay? Thanks for your help!
Finding friends my age that were gay and beginning the journey themselves was much crutch.. It helped a ton having people in my life that understood exactly where I was. Seek people like that out. Online is great, but having friends IRL tends to help more. As for telling a co-worker you have a GF, well, I wouldn't worry about it. If she becomes someone you can trust, you can clear the air later. Most people understand the need to lie to cover your tracks. It'll be fine...
hey man, i'm also in my 20's and still figuring out this whole after closet stuff! i'd say whatever makes you comfortable to start out with. I started with emptyclosets and then moved my way around town to see what it's like to be a bit openly gay. so far i think it's going pretty well. with a new job, i guess you can try to keep it on a professional level, i don't think it's anyone's business to know =P don't be really scared about it, soon enough you'll definitely meet more people and better ones that will take you for you. my father's a bit homophobic and i came out. he was not happy at all, and was pretty disappointed. after a while he started talking to me again, i don't know if he accepted it or not but i guess it's progress. you don't always have to live up to your parent's expectation. it's more then enough for them that you stay alive. the life is yours to lead alone
honestly it's still something i struggle with. but now when people ask me if i have a girlfriend i just say no. simple as that. i don't wee why they need to know the extent of it as it's my private life and no one should have to get into it without my approval. if people straight out ask i tell them the truth about my sexuality. it will take some getting used to so don't fret about it too much. so long as you're happy there is no reason to divulge something that others shouldn't get into in the first place.
I am almost 22 and came out last September. Honestly, it was a nightmare coming out after having pretended to be straight for so long. I wanted more than anything to be straight, so I made myself appear as heterosexual as I possibly could. That meant that some people refused to believe that I really was gay. Burn.
Yep ! That's pretty much my case. I apparently was very convincing because my family kept asking me if I was kidding but I think they realise I am not now lol But that is what sucks about coming out in your 20's rather then your teens..
haha well try to look at the good side of things instead of the bad. true, it might get annoying of how your family might not being able to process it the way you want it, but they'll come around for sure. if you look at it this way, you kind of skipped out on the bullying and discrimination that a school would give you around your teens rather than your 20's. now you're old enough to make your choices and free to do what you want, no one is really dictating you. and us guys/gals/trans around our 20's are old enough to understand that we meet new and better individuals that can impact our lives in a positive way
