Well for those of you that don't know I have an annoying coworker that I think is obsessed with me and gets upset if i don't give a special hello . One time I forgot to write this in my other thread he had asked me if he still has a chance which I never thought he had a change in the first place but I was so shocked he asked that I said What ? . Anyway do you guys think I should tell him I'm a lesbian for him to give up and leave me alone , there is a chance he can take it as a challenge, . I'm also worried about him talking about it with other coworkers but maybe if I tell him to keep his mouth shut he might not say anything but I'm worried he could use it as black mail to force me to do what he wants although he doesn't seem like that type of person . What do you guys think should I come out to him or not ?
If you are worried about him exploiting the information, I'd be weary to tell him that you are a lesbian, especially if it might not even help, (with him seeing it as a challenge and all). Instead, if you feel uncomfortable by advances that he makes, simply tell him you aren't interested. If he doesn't stop or it gets worse, you can always report him to HR for harassment.
Personally, I don't think that's necessary unless you want to. Also, he doesn't sound the type to keep it to himself. Do you know some big guy who could "pick you up" after work pretending to be your bf when this guy would see? I know this is a lie but I'm sure straight girls have done this before in similar situations. I still think getting a witness and telling him straight out, "Your harassment of me has to stop. If it doesn't I will be taking steps to have you stopped. Calling the police if I have to." I think even if it doesn't go further than having the police talk to him, he should get the message.
Hi there! If you are worried that your co-worker could out you to other co-workers, I would suggest that you don't come out to him at this point. You could always end the conversation with saying in no uncertain terms that you are not interested and that you want him to leave you alone. You could try saying it to him in front of another co-worker, or someone who is in ear shot of your conversation with him. If he still does not stop, I would suggest that you give him one final message with "if you don't stop, I will need to speak with your/our supervisor, because you are making me feel very uncomfortable."
I want to come out to him but I know I'm risking so much on my job the people on my job aren't ok with lesbians or gays and i'm just going to keep silent for now , I just feel for some reason he will use this to black mail me into doing what he wants , he's already tried to use a coworker to try to manipulate me into working together with him and also I think he told the boss that I was taking long breaks on purpose because I noticed after I refused to do what he wanted the Boss who I know never came to break room came that day for the first time after this man was upset at me so I think he said something and lately the bosses have been watching me strangely so I think he's the cause of it . I just don't feel safe at my job anymore . I thought that if he knew I'm lesbian he would stop obsesses and trying and leave me alone but then again it could make him more obsessed . I just have a feeling he's going to use this as a way to black mail me some how in my gut I just think this is going to happen .
Wow if you think he will blackmail you then DONT TELL HIM. Trust your gut. JUst go tell your boss you get a vibe that he likes you and its distracting you, and that you would like to work far away from him. Dont try to get him in trouble (it sounds like he would get mad, which is not what you want.) I would talk about it with your supervisor soon, and dont tell your coworkers or this guy about it before you do it. You have to be very careful with politics and manipulative people. If its really not a good workplace for you then maybe start quietly looking for something new (where you can be more open, maybe?) Again, dont talk about looking for a new job at work. You dont want to create gossip!
I am wary of using sexuality as an excuse because regardless of whether or not you're gay, you aren't interested and have made it clear. At this point it's about respect, not sexuality. What does it matter if you're interested in other men or not? If he ignored your wishes til now, he wont respect you more for being gay. I agree with foamfloater, talk with your supervisor before giving up entirely on the work environment; there might be a way to settle this amicably.
Hey! Even i feel so, that you need'nt come out to him just to get rid of him. If you really really are comfortable telling him or letting others know through him. you can go for it. but not otherwise. You dont have to share your personal feelings or anything like that with other when you know they cant take it.. and respect that. Try to talk it out and let him know that you arent very comfortable with his behavior lately and he needs to give you space and behave professionally. You can seek someone's help/support. You must have some good friends in office. you can take their advice on how to stop him.
your right wondering girl it's not right to do so and he might think I'm actually using it as an excuse plus he might not even respect me even if I told him . ---------- Post added 17th Jul 2014 at 11:01 AM ---------- there is one person I trust in there well two women and I think I will ask them for help
Why don’t you just tell him you have a boyfriend? Take some picture with a good guy friend and show him the pictures and he SHOULD back off.
I actually told him this and it has not stopped him from behaving like a jack ass In the past I've also seen him get jealous when I talk to other men on the job and he would come up and say what are you guys talking about I use to think it was him just being friendly but now I know it's jealousy
In practicality it might work, it might not. The problem, though is with his behavior, and not the fact that she appears to be a single straight female. It shouldn't matter if she has a boyfriend or if she's gay or if she's dating 20 people; all that should matter is that she said no. This guy needs to know it's not ok to do this just because he thinks she's available.
Wow, this guy is complete jackass and can not take a hint at all. Even, if you told him you’re a lesbian, I don’t think he’ll believe you. Mhh, this definitely puts in difficult situation. Does he a act this way with other co-workers nearby, maybe they could speak up for you on your behalf?
No but he's starting to act like it now but it will be away of embarrassing me in front of them and doing the Oh she's so mean to me bit . He once pulled my arm once and pointed at me saying his feelings are serious and he's not playing a game . I just don't get it I said no I'm not interested and he doesn't get the hint then he asked me in front of everyone but like in a whisper if there was still a chance for him and I was confused on what he meant and I said what do you mean ? then he said never mind I wanted to tell him right then and there that I was never interested I'm just a friendly person that's all.
This is harassment, if I was you, I would tell your supervisor. This is going to make you look you really weird (whenever he is near),you could say your recording our conversation(via a smartphone) and if he harasses you are going to give the recording to your supervisor.
I read your other thread about this guy and honestly my advice is the same. This guy is harassing you. Harassment is against the rules. You really should report him to your boss and if your boss doesn't fix this problem, go above your boss' head and report the both of them. This guy harassing you at work won't stop no matter what you tell him. He very obviously does not respect your boundaries. He doesn't care if you're not interested, if you're seeing someone else, if you're a lesbian--because he doesn't care if you're uncomfortable or wronged in any way. He's not going to be put off by you carefully explaining to him why it won't work. Reporting him might have a chance at actually righting this situation for you. If it doesn't, I'd look for a new job. Not to scare you or anything but if this guy cares so little for your boundaries in a professional work environment, how many is he willing to break in general?
:eek: I'd probably get into trouble, but knowing myself, if he did this to me I'd slap him in the face and told him my feelings are serious and I'm not playing a game either. What a creep he is!
