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I want by bestfriend to be my boyfriend...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Anonymoose, Jul 17, 2014.

  1. Anonymoose

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    This might be a long one, but I've been carrying this weight too long.

    I love my best friend.

    Now before you say you know what it's like... Well, you probably do, but that's not the point right now. I'll start from the beginning:

    In March 2005, when I was eleven, I started questioning my sexuality, I mean, I still had crushes on girls even though I knew we wouldn't stay together, but earlier that year, at the start of my secondary school, I met him. A female friend from my old school, I'll call L, had introduced me to a group of friends she'd made at this new school, there was S, J & E. S was L's boyfriend, E just hung out with them, and J was like E. Except that I clicked instantly with J, when we met, we had the same interests, we thought the same things, we were as smart as each other. Except for his ginger hair & my black hair, we were twins. But the hair wasn't the only difference, he was straight, but I wasn't sure. I went online and I took the tests, all of them said I was either bi or gay, and my fantasies & thoughts just helped this theory. After a month, I retook the tests to be sure, and none said I was straight, and only one told me I was bi. I realised that even if the tests weren't right, inside I knew I was gay.

    It didn't take me as long as I thought to come out to myself, I'd heard other stories about how I might detest it, I mean, I did wonder if my friends were secretly gay too, or why fate had to pick me, and it didn't help that me and J had this 'fake gay act' together. Basically, we were such good friends, that our other friends, like E, S & L, began to call us gay. It wasn't a bullying kind of use, it was just a running joke, and we went along with it, to a certain degree. We would often disperse from the others to just talk privately, and when we came back, we'd joke that we were making out, and we'd often rest against the other, or call each other baby. This continued for a few years, and we never found other friends, but if we did, J still came first for me, and I came first for J. We'd go to each other's houses, and just relax by ourselves, opening up about our secrets, but I always taunted him by saying I still kept one from him, which was true, but when I said I'd tell him soon. I first told him that when I was eleven, and he still doesn't know. I'd try to sneak the subject of sexuality into conversations, like 'what would you do if S/E turned out to be gay?' or the same for girls, I think I got the generic straight male reaction: 'Lesbians are okay, but two guys just grosses me out.'

    He knows me as a good friend, kind of like an unrelated twin, someone he cares for; but who would love their twin in that way? I see him as more than a friend, or even a twin, I see him as my other half. I love him, I'm certain of that, if I ranked my attraction to people, it would be 2% women, 3% men, 95% him. I have this important event soon, where everyone I know is going to be there, but by soon, I mean I'll still have to carry this around for a couple more years, or I could just tell him and wait for a reaction. I'm pretty sure he's straight, but this is something that happened recently:

    We went on a trip with a lot of our friends, but we ended up with me, J, S, E & another guy in a room with four beds, I knew a couple of friends who had a spare bed I could use, but J (who was rather drunk, when I was sober) told me that we could share the same bed, to which I appeared to reluctantly agree to (but I personally loved the idea). So when we slept, he cuddled up to me, I'm not sure whether it was just alcohol, but when I tried to loosen his grip, he just pulled me closer, so I went to sleep there. The morning after, he called me 'baby' more than we normally would, to the point where I wondered if he'd just forgotten my normal name, he also tried to make the 'fake gay act' even more realistic, by dragging me into a clearing inside a bunch of trees, and saying that we made out, and he also made it look like he actually kissed me when our friends didn't believe him. He might not have kissed me, but that closeness & eye contact made me think it wasn't just the alcohol intoxicating him.

    I'm not sure if he's straight/bi/gay or something else, but I know that I have to tell him soon, but I don't know what his reaction would be, and when I should tell him. I've seen other people's dilemmas being solved by the EC community, so I hope you can do the same thing for me: When & where should I tell him?

    Thanks for reading, and I hope you can help!



    ~Asking me to be normal is like asking a fish to climb a tree.
     
  2. EvoDude

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    Damn..... I feel the same way, except my "friend" and I are going to different high schools...
     
  3. Peacemaker

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    does he appear homophobic to you?
     
  4. Bolt35

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    well, when people are drunk, they are in a whole new league haha. i'd say step back and look at the situation. from what i've read, it sounds like he might be a bit homophobic and just messing around. A lot of guys in general do this, and usually don't mean anything by it until someone takes it the wrong way. you can try to have a one on one serious conversation to see and figure out what he 's looking for exactly, so you might not know that he could be actually straight or bi or even in questioning. it really seems tempting that you want a certain kind of person, but you would want the relationship to be honest and true, right? if you want to tell him that you're probably more into guys then girls, and he might be open to it, by all means go ahead. that choice is up to you really. but i'd say hold back on telling your feelings about him until you know for sure
     
  5. PrettyConfused

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    Personally, when I came out to my best friend (who I liked), I checked previously whether he was homophobic or not. Since he denied any homophobia, I ended up telling him and he completely accepted me for it :slight_smile:

    However, I don't suggest telling him you love him at the same time as coming out to him. It might he a little too much to handle at once. It's definitely up to you though.
     
  6. Pie

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    I feel the same about my best friend... difficult situation...
    I wish you the best with your best friend and I really hope he accepts you! :slight_smile:
     
  7. ABeautifulMind

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    This is almost a right of passage in the LGBT community by now...

    Only thing more cliche is if you knew he was straight.

    That said, i agree with the posters up top, I would suggest if your coming out, wait a while before telling him you have feelings for him.
     
  8. Yossarian

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    The general process is come out to him first, and if he is cool with it, then tell him how you feel about him. Sometimes it all happens in the same conversation, particularly if he has feelings for guy coming out. If he says he is straight, then best to move on without telling him, if you want to keep him as a friend, but you have to play the situation by feel as it occurs; no two situations are exactly the same.
     
  9. whereamigoing

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    I'm having the same thing going on. My best friend is dropping hints and doing things to get my attention. i don't mind but i just want answers so in going to come out to him and i advise you to do the same
     
  10. Anonymoose

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    I'd like to say thanks for the support, and only now do I realise quite how cliché my situation is, and I've figured out how and when to tell him thanks to your support. He's currently on holiday, but I'll tell him when he gets back and see how it goes. Once more, thanks, and I'll probably be back to say how it went. And I'm almost certain he's not homophobic, because when one of my friends came out as ace a while back, he was fine, and when one of them came out bi, he took it well too. I just think it'll be best if I tell J before them, because the only non-straight people I know about are gossipy annoyances, who'll tell everyone anything that sounds interesting, so I'll probably be back in a while, and thanks for helping! :icon_bigg