:smilewave Hi, this is one of my first posts, sorry if it's a bit long, but my question is: :help: How can I come out of the closet to my parents If I already have a sibling who is out? you might be wondering how hard can it be to come out to them if somebody did it before me? But the truth is that it is really hard for me because I still remember how awful was when my older sister came out as a lesbian to my parents, I remember all the horrible things my mother said to her, she said that it was a phase, that it wasn't natural, that she'll get an std, that she will go to hell (and she's not a religious person), what will people say, what did I did wrong and stuff like that and how sad and disappointed they were, it was a traumatic experience for me, because at that time I was only 13 years old, I felt so bad and so ashamed that I thought I'll never be able to tell them about me. But the time has passed and things got a lot better between my parents and my sister, she's living in her own house with her girlfriend but they visit us everytime they can and my mother treat them really well. I think she's no longer angry with her, we have a great time together and it's awesome, I also have a brother, and I consider him one of my best friends, he got married and is living in another state but I see him every three weeks, he's close minded and scares me that he won't talk to me If I come out. The thing is that I've always known that I like guys and girls but i'm mostly into guys and I was in denial for many years, in fact, only one of my best friends knows about it and I wish it were so easy to come out to everyone like I did with her, she was very cool with it but she had no idea that I was bi, but last year she moved to Argentina so i'm pretty much on my own. I've never had a relationship with a guy because I live in a really small town, everyone knows each other and people here is very nosy and conservative. I used to go out, have sex and relationships with girls, but I don't want to do that anymore because it's not right to hurt people just to keep my secret, I can't come out to any of my best friends because most of them are friends of my siblings too, I can't come out to my sister because she can't keep her mouth shut hahaha I love her to death but I fear that she will spread like a virus if i tell her, so I decided that I need to come out to my parents first and that is one of my biggest fears, I don't want them to relive that things and I don't want to hurt them. I feel so frustrated and ashamed because I always tried to make everything right, I wanted to make them proud of me, I got the best grades in high school and at college, I tried to stay out of trouble and help them in everything I can, but I know that If I come out my mother will be devastated, my father will never forgive me and my brother will never talk to me again. If you got this far thank you for reading, I just needed to get this out of my chest, I feel so behind in life, everyone is getting married, having children, living on their own and I'm stuck in this chapter of my life I'm still living with my parents (planning to move next year), single and feel I little bit lonely I don't want to waste the best years of my life just for being scared. I need some advice on what should I do. P.S: English is not my first language so sorry if I made mistakes and I'm not so whiny all the time :lol:, is just that I feel bummed
If they are more accepting of your sister, than they may have a better reaction when you tell them. Your sister has shown them that she can have a normal life and relationship. It's always more difficult to be the first. Your sister may be able to keep your secret, she'll understand the difficulties associated with coming out. It sounds like you're ready to come out and to begin living an authentic life, you just need a little courage
I agree with HTBO, if they can accept you sister they can accept you, as it has happened before you may get a better reaction. Does your brother still speak to your sister?
Your parents have been through an " education" with your sister coming out. So they will be more prepared and accepting. Your sister may be more sensitive and will not tell everyone .. and you could talk to her?
Thank you HTBO, I've been thinking about it for such a lot time and I decided that it is time for me to share this part of my life with the people that is important, I just want my family and friends to understand that I was born this way, that it wasn't a desition that I took, that I don't have to change who I am or how I act and I'm the same guy and the only difference is that they are going to really know ME, what I WANT in life and that I NEED their support because I can't keep locking this feelings inside me anymore, I know it will be hard but it's necessary. ---------- Post added 18th Jul 2014 at 05:51 PM ---------- Yes he still speaks with my sister but it took a long time, also, I remember one time when we arrived from a party and he was totally drunk (I wasn't drinking because I was driving), he said to me something like "thank god you're not gay" and it made me feel so awful that I just dropped him in his bedroom and I left :C
It's true, you're totally right and sometimes I even think she knows about me because I remember that 3 months ago I was at a mall with her shopping and she caught me totally checking out a guy that was in front of us xD and she asked what are you looking at? and I said he's a classmate I wanted to say hi but I don't remember his name :lol: wich was not true at all :bang:, but those things don't happen to me very often.
