Well...I am gay. That is hard to type. I guess I have known my whole life I like guys, but I always hid behind a straight act. Now that I am 21 I think i have finally am at the point where I can't hide who i am anymore. I want to come out so bad, but unfortunately it isn't as easy as that. I am a leader in a local branch of a large Christian outreach ministry. I know if i come out I can't be a leader anymore, and honestly I don't have a problem with that. The problem comes when I say my whole life at college is centered around 'religion and this group'. One of my roommates is on staff and the other roommate is a leader. All of my friends are leaders. I want to tell them but they wont accept me. I am honestly afraid of being kicked out of my house. Maybe I am overreacting, but I don't have any family where I go to school. What would I do if they kicked me out.
Hi there! Welcome to EC! You have come the right place. Let me start by asking you: How many years of college do you have left before you graduate? To what kind of a college are going to? I can imagine that it must be hard for you, because you have accepted yourself, and want your friends to know the real you but given the circumstances in which you find yourself in, I am thinking that it might be better to hold off with coming out to your friends. That said, what might help you before you come out to your friends, maybe try making some new friends, or broaden your 'friendship network.' You could try to get to know some new people outside of that group, for example within the GLBT community. This would also allow you to start building a support network. If you feel that your friends would reject you and would even go so far as to kick you out of the house, it would be important to have the necessary support on which to draw on. On the other hand, if you really feel that you can't hold off coming out anymore, you know your friends. Is there maybe one who you trust and think would be accepting and might not react the way you think he/she would? If you think that you have such a person within your current group of friends, start with that person. Make it clear that you entrust him/her with that information because you feel the need to be yourself. But please do be cautious. If you feel that it might not be such a good idea, I would suggest don't go for it, at least until you have a strong support network in place on which you can draw on support and comfort. I hope this helps a bit!
First. Good for you! You've figured it out. Better to do that now while you are young. Now what? Um, scary. You bet. Listen to that feeling that is telling you that you need to be honest about who you are. Yes your life is going to change. I'm just now coming to accept who I am. All my life I had been in denial because I was raised in a Christian home and I was afraid of the reaction of the people around me. I rejected God. I am now at the same time accepting myself as a lesbian and finding my way back to God. I don't have any specific advice except to seek out gay groups and activities you will find acceptance there. Good luck and welcome.:eusa_clap
Well, congratulations on coming out to yourself and welcome to EC! This is a very scary thing to do, but you WILL get through it and you WILL be happier in the end. If you don't think any of your friends could take it? Make new friends. You don't have to ditch the old ones necessarily, but find some LGBT groups on campus or something to that effect. Find someone you can talk to. Don't be too quick to write off your God friends, you might just find a few more allies in the bunch than you expect (I first came out to a church youth leader and she was amazing). Find one you can trust and try to feel out how they react to homosexuality in general. Mention gay marriage in the political climate or a gay celebrity. The most important thing is to find someone you can trust. When you find that person, pick your moment, it would be best if you two are alone together, and go for it. Try having an idea of a script in your head, at least to get you through the "I'm gay" part. I found the actual words were very hard to say, but try practicing. Practice saying it out loud somewhere where you are alone and no one will hear you. Once you have all of these things laid out for you, the only thing left to do is just spit it out. Get them alone, say you need to tell them something because they are a good friend and you feel like they should know. If you feel it's necessary, tell them that you just want to be honest and it doesn't change your relationship. And just say it. Easier said than done I know, but once you do you will feel so much better. Just be careful, make sure it's someone you really trust. It will be very scary, but when the moment is right and you are telling the right person, you will just know you are ready and you will overcome that fear. And that, well, that feels absolutely amazing. Best of luck ♥
U are going through the samething I am. I've only told two people, both I trust with anything...but these people aren't ones I hang with on a daily basis (both live out of state). I know if I ever told any of my core friends that I would loose them. That just how it is, they don't understand things like this--and I don't want to loose them. Sometimes I feel like exploding, and its hard to contain it, but I do. I'm trying to branch out and network with a different crowd sometimes...which has helped me.
I was in the same spot just a few weeks ago. Everyone has already given great advise, the only thing I can add is that you don't have to worry about telling everyone at your school. As was said, find someone close that you trust. I found my aunt (also my godmother) who was 100% supportive. After that, it just didn't seem like it was such a big deal anymore. If you feel that you want to tell friends, that's fine, but it's certainly not mandatory. And of course, everyone at EC is here for you!
Hi welcome to EC! Is it absolutely necessary to come out to people at college? How about just coming out to some of your closest friends and family? I can understand the need to come out and be free to be yourself without feeling like you have to watch what you say and do. It can be tiring. I would say come out to those people you feel won't abandon you the minute you tell them you are gay. If you feel some of the people in your life will abandon you then they weren't worth having as friends. The true friends will be your friends no matter what. You say that your whole life revolves around the group you are in but if you are unhappy about hiding who you are then what kind of life is that? Above all do what you feel is right and when you feel it is the right time and don't feel like you need to rush. Good luck! Sam
Start by just coming out to a few people. Your best friend(s) or perhaps someone that you know that is gay/bisexual.
