So I've known I'm gay for close to 10 years now, and I'vebeen at the point where I actually feel ready to come out for the last few years. Everyone, literally everyone in my life is very accepting. I have several queer friends. I can't think of a single person in my life who wouldn't be 100% supportive. Despite all of this I still have the most crippling fear of coming out that it shakes me to my core when I even think of telling someone. Part of it is I feel embarassed that I've lived a lie and I'm afraid my support group will judge me not for being who I am but for choosing to lie to them and sacrifice my own personal happiness, particularly since so many of them have had their own coming outs which were much more difficult. However, I know the problem is deeper than that. Early in puberty I remember I was attracted to girls but at some point that changed and completely threw me off. I dont think I reacted well to it and I feel like subsequently I've personally developed a deeply rooted homophobia (or what I consider to be homophobia). Theres a voice inside of me that says things will get so much easier when it happens and I believe it, which is why I've spent at least the last couple years trying to build up the courage. To make it worse I'm pretty sure everyone knows since I havent dated in years and pretty much given up pretending to be straight (too exhausting). Sometimes it feels like it will never happen. I'm tired of lying to my friends and the fact that I stopped lying to myself a while ago makes it worse. I just want to know whats the matter with me. Thanks.
I don't really have any advice but I just thought I'd say you're not alone. Most of the people in my life I know would be supportive but I can't bring myself to say anything. Ok my brothers know and I've kinda told a few friends but there's something stopping me from saying anything. I'm not sure what it is but you're not the only one out there who's in that position. Just talking about it with other people helps though. I've noticed that with my one friend that knows. Hopefully we can figure this out. Maybe together Sorry I don't really have any insight as to why we're like this but just know you're not the only one.
The only thing that is the matter with you is that you are ready to come out but haven't. Just do it.
Ditto. Lol. It's funny that we have this fear even though we know that in all likelihood things will be ok. I haven't gotten to the coming out point either for the same reasons, but I'm starting feel a lot closer to it and less nervous about doing it. You're not alone.
