It's been a while since I've been around here, let alone posted something, even less in this section, and a huge while since I actually posted something about myself. I don't want to go into a lot of 'backstory' so my question is going to be a little more simple: He's been awful, but why do I feel like I paralyze whenever I see him, or start shivering when I'm close to him? It's been almost 3 months since we barely even talk- I tried cutting off from him in all the ways I could during the holidays, but now I'm back to college. This past week was HELL. I saw him every single day. Why do I have to see him, of all people? I did everything I could to avoid him, but it didn't work. I feel like I'm totally useless, I just wish I could wipe him out of my mind completely. I get nervous every time I see him and nothing goes right. I can't even cry anymore, but I still feel this huge pain burning me on the inside. PS. If there's one thing I won't do, it's talking to him. Forget it. I gave away my last bit of dignity last semester, a couple of hours before he left, when I told him I'd miss him. All he said was that he would see me in 3 months.
Hmm, a little more backstory would have helped. Was he your boyfriend or just a friend? He may not have meant to hurt you. I would recommend talknig to him, but apparently that's out of the question. So your only other option is to just avoid him the best you can. I know how that works, where you get really nervous around him, but you can't cry about it. The only thing you can try to get past that, is talk to someone else about it. Let go of your feelings to someone. Support group, old friend, family, anyone. Don't bottle it up, that'll only make it worse. You've got to release your feelings before the wounds heal. I'd also recommend telling him how you feel. Even if it's too painful or difficult to tell him in person, just slip him a note or something. Try yo make him understand. Good luck.
i agree with derek, u shud tell someone klose, so u kann let it out!!! if possible tell him, he mite even be feeling the same way about u, he coukd be wondering y ur avoiding him!!!
Well, if you want more backstory, you should check my previously started topics in this forum. (I had a username change since). He wasn't my bf... more like fb. He actually said that once and it was really hurtful because he knew all too well how I felt about him. I do have a lot of friends to talk to, but it doesn't really help that much. I'm sick of always trying to make things right. And I said I won't talk to him- and I would totally reject IM/notes/etc. That's too impersonal and I don't want to do that anymore. And yeah, he probably noticed I'm avoiding him. But he still hasn't said anything so I guess that's it. I see him every day going about his business without a care in the world. Isn't that enough? I dunno, I guess I just wanted to burst out a bit last night after he made me give up the last thing I was leaning on to keep my sanity (Choir).
I know this is harsh what I am going to say, but this guy isn't MAKING you do anything. You have a crush on the guy and can't deal with seeing him, this is your problem not his. If he made it clear to you that you were just a fb then you are going to have to get over it. Hiding away from him, and this situation is not going to resolve it, only you and your attitude towards all this can make a difference. This is obviously not the man for you, the feelings you have for him are one sided, you need to accept these facts and move on with your life. If talking with him is out of the question then don't but you can't blame him for this. If you love choir then go, stand as far away from him as possible and just get on with singing, that is what you are there for after all. As time goes by things will get less painful, this time is measured in months, not hours or days so don't expect miracles. If you hide away and don't face these feelings you are just keeping them going and the situation will never be resolved. Think of this situation as a wound with poison in it, you can ignore it an leave it to fester or you can do the painful task of picking off the scab, cleaning out the wound and letting it heal over in a healthy manner.
He didn't exactly make it clear... that was a long way after the whole thing started. He never really said what was on his mind or how he felt. Yeah, talking to him is out of the question because I know that if I look in his eyes I won't be able to say anything and I'll just lose myself. It's not the first time, and it hasn't only happened with him. The thing is, I can't hide away. I saw him at breakfast, after lunch, and during two of my courses (which are not in his major anyway). I can't stay away from him at choir, there would be at most one person in between us. I freaked out and wasn't able to concentrate on anything during a lab today when he sat right in front of me. How do I pick off the scab? I know that he's not worth me working myself up this much, and I keep telling myself that all the time, but I can't really control that.
