Hi, it's been a while since I last posted. But over the past couple of weeks I've come out to a couple of my family members and my best friend. Although all reactions have been positive, I'm feeling a little regretful about it and questioning if I'm ready. I told my sister, and I think she told my Mum. Because A few days ago, she brought up my uncle, who is also gay, and saying how alone he is and how nothing has changed for gay people in society today, although I did argue with facts of how times are changing, she got to me. Being alone is something I'm really scared about. I want a relationship/family/everything else that comes with it. It just kind of hit me that I might never get to experience any of that and it really upsets me. My best friend, who's away travelling for the summer, is amazing and always there for me, but is talking about all the things we can do, like going to gay clubs etc, and I'm not sure that is my scene at all. I just feel like I'm on this roller coaster ride and I can't stop to get off. I told her the other day, that another friend of mine found out that I was gay by going through my phone, and this isn't the sort of friend you would tell something to and not expect for it not to get around. Her reply was that everyone was going to know eventually, I know she was trying to calm me down, but I thought this process would go at a speed i wanted too, but I'm so overwhelmed with everything. I keep second guessing myself too, any words would be appreciated. My heads a mess at the minute sorry if this doesn't make much sense.
Having a relationship and family is as much as a possibility for you regardless of whether you are straight or gay. It takes time to find the right person that you want to create that life with and you will find him. If you don't want to go to gay bars, then be firm with your friend that it's not your scene. Your friend is probably just trying to show you support and maybe doesn't know how else to do it. It does seem like your news is traveling quickly but the reactions seem very positive so far, so let it happen. It's natural to second guess yourself, I think most of us do that (or it seems after reading the threads). Sometimes there are things we can't control no matter how much we want to, and if the news of your being gay is one of those, then there may not be much you can do. Try again talking to the people you know and ask for discretion, but be prepared in case it doesn't happen. On a positive note, if the news does spread quickly, then the sooner you can begin living your life as you.
You can certainly have a family and a relationship if you want one; things are different legally than they were for your uncle's generation. In any event, you can't change the fact that you are gay, so your mother's information and its implication is both wrong and irrelevant. Just like with straight people, you have to be the change you want in your life, and make these things happen for yourself. Coming out is just the first part of the process, but you will have to do that to move forward. The timing is up to you.
