I'm a heteroromantic bisexual and because of my romantic preference for the opposite-sex, I'm wondering if there's any point in coming out to my family as I could easily pretend to be hetero. I would perhaps like to pursue a relationship with a female one day, but for the time being I'm mostly into males. I've told my close friends and it went well, but I just wonder if I'm just their 'bisexual' friend now. I hate to think of people thinking of me by a label and telling more people that I'm bi would make me more paranoid that just that is happening. I'm also worried about when/if I do get into a relationship with a man, that they'll be scared off by the fact that I'm bi. I've heard a number of stories where that has happened and again it makes me wonder if I should come out or not. It seems easier to pretend I'm hetero. My main worry about pretending I'm hetero, though, is that when/if I get into a relationship with a woman, I'll have to come out then and say that I was basically pretending and lying to everyone about being hetero. I'm so confused. Can anyone help me?
I disagree. When/if the time comes, it's not that you've been lying to everyone about your sexuality, you did enjoy having relationships with guys and you were actually into them before. The fact that you didn't mention you found girls sexually attractive too doesn't mean you were actively lying so much as holding things back. And to be honest it's not like everyone needs to know every little detail. So I think it's ok to not come out right now if you don't see a point. I reckon you feel like you just want people to know there's a chance you'll be with a girl someday just to avoid the future shock, yeah? It's up to you. Also, I'm not 100% straight myself but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't scare off a single straight guy by telling them you're into girls too. Straight guys love seeing girls together, it's a very common fetish. If anything the guy would be even more into you and you'd probably get the chance to do it with a girl while in a straight relationship. Especially because you're heteroromatic. That's the way I see it anyway
I mean, here's how I think about it. I could have said nothing and not chosen to come out to my closest friends. However, what do I do when they ask about my relationship status? Or why I'm not dating girls? Why don't I ever talk about girls? I don't like having to lie about whom I'm seeing and trying to hide everything under a rug and praying that it'll go away. No, I knew that it couldn't always be like and it hurt me inside whenever I had to make up excuses and lie about stuff like that. I felt great coming out since for the first time in my life, I could be completely honest with my friends. Since they now knew about my sexuality, then I could enlighten them on the gay community and teach them stuff (in hopes that they would teach their future children to not turn out homophobic). At the same time, I got to learn who my true friends were and who would stick by my side no matter what. That was great too. I love being able to be myself and not have to have a false identity or cover up anything. That's not cool. So, this is why it's good to come out. Unless you want to have a false identity for the rest of your life.
I hadn't quite thought about it as 'holding something back' rather than 'lying' as I suggested and you're right that I don't have to tell everyone everything. Thinking of it that way is more reassuring. And my point about scaring guys off - I've been reading about some surveys that asked straight people if they would date a bisexual and quite a few said no because 'there would be too much competition'. I also read an article about a female who was bisexual and her boyfriend couldn't handle the thought that she might leave him for another woman and subsequently ended the relationship. Perhaps I've been scaring myself by reading things like that, I don't know, but you raise a good point about a lot of straight guys having a fetish for girls being together, something I had forgotten, and that has helped ease my mind somewhat. Thank you. I totally understand what you're saying and I don't particularly want to live under a false identity. I'm just worried about people thinking differently of me if and when I do come out. Perhaps I'm being overly-paranoid, but I just don't want to become the 'bisexual one' in the family. On top of that, quite a few of my relatives on my dad's side, including my dad, are or appear to be homophobic. I don't want my relationships to change with them. I know I can be selective about who I come out to, but I worry that they'll find out through some other means. Again, perhaps I'm being overly-paranoid as they are quite likely to find out anyway, if I do get a girlfriend. I don't know - My head's a bit of a mess right now. I'm sorry! D:
