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contemplating coming out to my closest buddies in the world

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by disneyboy, Jul 20, 2014.

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  1. disneyboy

    disneyboy
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I went to a student council camp in the mountains last week and it was honestly the best week of my life. I got put in a council with the greatest boys and girls in existence and I love all my friends in there so much. It's weird since we were only together for a week but by Friday at the closing candle ceremony we were all crying, even our manly man council leader. We just all got so close. But that's why I'm here. I need help. On the second night of camp, my whole group got together in a secret room for boundary breaking. It's a camp tradition. All 20 of us got in a circle. Our counselor would ask a question and we would all go around and answer honestly. At first they were just like favorite color and earliest memory. But they got deeper to the point where people revealed histories of bulimia, attempted suicide, even physical and sexual abuse. Every one was just so honest and trusting. Except for me. Sure I revealed some of my darkest secrets and told things I never told anyone else. But I also kept my biggest secret to myself. I have figured out that I'm gay. I'm not exactly at terms with it and unsure of how to deal with it, but i at least know that I prefer boys. I really want to tell them since they're the people I trust most in this world but I'm really scared too. A lot of them are devoted Christians. I've always hoped this was a phase but I know it isn't. We live like hours apart but we all talk in a huge group chat every day. I love them so much but I don't even know how to tell them or if I should. They bared their souls to me and I would trust them with my life but I'm just starting to admit to myself that I'm gay. Some of my school friends know I've had feelings for guys but they don't know how serious this really is. What should I do?
     
    #1 disneyboy, Jul 20, 2014
  2. xylophones

    xylophones
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Iowa, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I went to a retreat similar to yours, where we spilled our guts and made a pact not to share what was said with anyone outside the group. I shared most of my darkest secrets, but I didn't come out because I didn't feel it was the right time. I still haven't come out, but some of those people are the people I'm considering telling first because we have become best friends.

    The point I'm trying to make is that you seem to think that everyone shared everything, but I can almost guarantee you that everyone held back a little, even if it appears that they didn't. We all have struggles, but we don't have the capacity to share them all at once. It would take days to reveal all our secrets, so don't feel like you're the only one who kept something to themselves; you weren't, I promise.

    I hope you decide what's best for you and I wish you the best of luck. (*hug*)
     
    #2 xylophones, Jul 20, 2014
  3. Candace

    Candace
    Regular Member

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    I agree with the person above me. Just because you have to spill the beans on everything, or at least they wanted you to, doesn't mean you're obligated to do that. If you felt that that wasn't the right time to come, then that's your choice and something that they can't force upon you. Same thing as if you wanted to come out. It's your choice.
     
    #3 Candace, Jul 20, 2014
  4. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
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    16,559
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    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sharing awareness that you're gay, particularly if it's new to you, is not something you should *ever* feel obligated to do, regardless of how open and vulnerable others are feeling.

    It's great that you feel the desire to be open and authentic with everyone, but it has to feel right. I've been in those groups, and they're powerful and healing for everyone... and at the same time, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that you didn't feel ready to share that aspect of yourself.
     
    #4 Chip, Jul 22, 2014
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