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How to casually mention your sexuality

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by 143kc, Jul 21, 2014.

  1. 143kc

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    I'm mostly out, yet although I posted a popular instagram pic exploiting my sexuality about a month and a half ago, and word of mouth also got out, there are still people who do not know that i am "out". Being a semi-pretty shy girly-girl doesn't help people assume my sexuality. I am having problems casually telling people I'm gay without saying, "I'm gay." People aren't seeming to get my hints.

    IE:

    On my run last week with a girl I had only recently met, she asked if I had a boyfriend. I told her that doesn't "float my boat." She thought that I meant that I wasn't ready to date rather than being gay.

    At a party with my team, where more than half of the girls knew I was gay, one who didn't asked why I don't have a boyfriend. I told her that I don't "sail that ship." She didn't get the hint.



    Ugh. I just hate saying the words, "I'm gay", but people do not seem to get my hints. I hate lying by omission, but I also don't want to push my sexuality at them. I only tell when asked why I'm not dating, and hope that others have heard about my sexuality already.
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! If somebody asks you whether you have a boyfriend, why not just say, "boys aren't my thing. But if I would have a girlfriend, I'd be happy." Like this, you don't leave any doubts and might just also ensure that others might hear about your sexuality, or that you want to date girls. :slight_smile:
     
  3. mangotree

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    I find that just being open and honest in conversations with the people you're out to helps. Eventually the people who don't know will overhear it or occasionally hear it through the grapevine.
    You can talk about your social life, ex-partners, bars and clubs that you go to, what you did on the weekend, dates you've been on recently, upcoming pride events, things like that.
    That's what I do anyway because I'm not stereotypical either and no one ever assumes or guesses.
     
  4. Nychthemeron

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    One of the more popular phrases is "I don't swing that way." Most people would get it.
     
  5. Geek

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    I have a question. The people you're out to, did you directly tell them that you're gay or drop "hints" (they're all clear as dad that you're saying your a lesbian)? If you directly told them, some people take more time to come out to and that's fine.

    Have to agree with that. Also "males aren't my cup of tea" or "I play for the same team".
     
  6. sammy1

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    I hate saying 'I'm gay' or 'I'm a lesbian' as well. Actually I don't think I have ever said those words to anyone! Even the friends I have come out to! Lol but thankfully they all understood when I got them to read in between the lines. And I'm also quite girly so no one assumes I like girls unless I tell them :dry:
     
  7. 143kc

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    I told most people that I was gay through a picture on instagram of a pride flag in which the caption said something to the sorts of, "I'm gay." I had dropped a million hints before that (never mentioning boys I like, making it obvious i don't like boys), yet because I'm feminine and shy, people didn't pick up on the hints, so I announced it to the world blatantly (a few others knew before then). I have talked to many about it now, and many have heard through word of mouth, but there are still tons of people (new and old) who haven't heard. They are the people who put me in a dilemma lol.
     
  8. That one guy

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    I have the same problem, first time trying to tell my sister I was gay consisted of me walking into her room standing there for a minute coming up with some BS to get out of her room and then going to my room to repeatedly slap myself for being an idiot. I ended up having to write it out for her because I just can't say the words, so in conclusion just get a sign or a tattoo that way no one will have any reason not to know. :icon_bigg
    But honestly if you can't say it to their face maybe just get a mutual friend to drop the hint a little less subtlety.
    Good luck.
     
  9. lovely lesbian

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    Just say don't like boys I no you probaly heard it before but see what happens
     
  10. Candace

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    I always say "let's get something straight...I'm not" :lol:
     
  11. That one guy

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    :roflmao:
    Mind if I borrow that?
     
  12. Hyaline

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    As usual I am going to agree with mangotree (you beat me this time mate!)

    In my case, people ask about what I did over the weekend. "Oh K and I went to ____ to do some shopping for our house." Stuff like that leads them to the place where they can fill in the blanks. I have never said I am gay to lots of people I know, but they know just the same. The whole "don't throw it in my face" thing really helps with coworkers and such. But I work in an environment where discrimination wouldn't be tolerated at all. That and I would like to think I have the respect of my peers long before I ever admit it. But like mango, I am not someone you would guess so that gives me an opportunity to get to know people long before ever telling them. (If I ever even do)..
     
  13. Sabot Kitty

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    Seconded! X3
     
  14. OGS

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    I will jump on the bandwagon and just say be yourself, stop censoring yourself and people will figure it out. I am not someone that reads as gay generally but I am completely open about just about everything. I told my parents I was gay a little over 20 years ago or so and I think they are quite literally the only 2 people I've ever told I was gay directly. I talk about my social life, my interests, my politics, now my partner... and people figure it out. Pretty much everyone knows not because I told them but because I am and I share who I am honestly with the people around me. It seems like there are a lot of people on this site who are constantly sitting people down to have "the talk". That just seems exhausting to me.
     
  15. SemiCharmedLife

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    (saying this in my voice) She's not really my type. She's female.
     
  16. Sabot Kitty

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    Maybe you could wear a t-shirt that conveys the information? Not sure if cop out. X3
     
  17. SemiCharmedLife

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    Also I've been wearing a rainbow bracelet for a few months. That's helped too.
     
  18. Sabot Kitty

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    I found the kind of shirt I was talking about:

    [​IMG]

    T-shirts are casual, yes? =D
     
  19. Kat 5

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    I would probably get that specific shirt for the RAWR.
     
  20. butHitlerisDead

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    "swing that way" or "play for that team" are clearer euphemisms for being gay