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Blackmail at work

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JessM98, Jul 21, 2014.

  1. JessM98

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    Hi, I work in a museum and one of my coworkers found out I am gay. She now uses it against me and threatens to tell some of my co-workers or bosses (some of them are homophobic) if I don't do what she tells me to. I'm 16 and haven't come out to my parents yet so I can't talk to them about this. If she does tell someone, I'm worried I might be demoted, or how my coworkers will handle this. What should I do? Should I just tell them myself? Thanks for your help!
     
  2. alwaysforever

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    that's a pretty horrible. I can't advise as to what to do, but if it were me I would try to figure out a way to get out of that situation. I would talk to someone you trust outside of work if you can. Since I don't know your coworkers or employers it's hard to give advice. You have my sympathy. No one should have to deal with that.
     
  3. Gen

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    Unless she has physical proof to support her claims, they will mean nothing. Regardless of the social stances of your co-workers and bosses, I would imagine that the greater majority of them would be very unhappy with an employee even bringing up such a personal and inappropriate subject in the workplace. Any attempt to interrogate you on the subject would be a definite violation of conduct and overstepping of boundaries.

    I would inform this co-worker that you are absolutely within your right to report them to a higher authority. If you are still outed, it is important that you speak with such authority and fill a report in order to establish a paper trail. In the case that you are severely demoted or fired, you have the necessary tools to take legal action.
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! Gen has given you some really good information. The next time your co-worker comes to you and blackmails you, try saying to the co-worker that you have done your homework/research and found out that her behaviour is completely unacceptable for the workplace and if she doesn't stop with it, you will speak to somebody about this.

    I would suggest that you start looking into the rights that you have as an employee with the museum. Plus, write down the days and times when your co-worker has mentioned to you things so that you have a timeline of events. Also try to write down as accurately as you can what your co-worker has said or is saying to you, and in what manner. In that way, you have a record of all the incidences should you ever need to use it or produce 'evidence.'
     
  5. JessM98

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    Thanks everyone sooo much for your advise! I will definitely do this.
     
  6. Chip

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    Hi, Jess.

    Also, it's worth knowing that New Mexico has two different laws protecting LGBT people against employment discrimination. One covers all employers, and the other covers specifically employees who work for the state. If your museum is a state-run facility, you'd be protected under both.

    I don't get why some people are just assholes and hold stuff like that over people's heads. However, given the protections in place, it's unlikely that anything would happen.

    You might take the approach of saying "I've checked, and LGBT people are a protected class and cannot be discriminated against. So if you tell them, you may actually get yourself in trouble for encouraging discrimination, which is illegal here. I really don't care if you tell them, but just be aware it will likely backfire and cause you problems." That will likely get her to STFU.
     
  7. lovely lesbian

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    She sounds really mean and that's not fair to blackmail you mean!
     
  8. KyleD

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    I suggest you record her threat with your cell phone or some recording device and blackmail her back, haha!
     
  9. Yossarian

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    Record her if you can for irrefutable evidence. What she is doing is sexual harassment. If the workplace tolerates this they would be equally guilty, so they should reprimand her explicitly or fire her to keep themselves out of lawsuit range. You don't blackmail her back, you bring her conduct out into the open and make the employer deal with her.
     
  10. BiPenguin

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    All I can suggest is that you get yourself a book and pen to record everything. Any hindrance, act of bullying or whatever by her or anybody else, write it all down add day, date, time, etc.
     
  11. AlexTheGrey

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    I have to agree with this particular line 100%. Especially if you are worried about homophobia from other workers at the museum. The best thing you can do for yourself is giving people zero ammunition to fire back at you in this situation. You can't do anything about their homophobia, but you don't need to give them anything else.

    This was a hard lesson I learned from being bullied when I was younger. Enough folks like this are happy with a result of them and you both getting "equally" punished by authority figures, and any misconduct on your part makes your options more difficult later.

    But this doesn't mean you don't do anything, or can't. Yossarian is on the money here. Shine the light in the right place, have a clean conscience, and it will get better.
     
  12. Candace

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    That's discriminatory, at least in my opinion. I guess I can agree with everyone here that you should bring it up with your supervisor or boss at work and talk about her conduct, possibly getting her fired. That is unacceptable in any type of workplace.
     
  13. JessM98

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    Thanks so much for all your help. This past week Iv been keeping a record and plan to tell a supervisor. She has begun to stop and she's leaving for the school year. Thanks
     
  14. Mirko

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    Hi there! I think it's great that you have been keeping a record, and it sounds like that things have gotten a bit better, which is good to hear. It seems like that things will resolve themselves for the time being.

    Speaking with a supervisor nevertheless, is a good idea. In case she does return, at least the supervisors will be aware of what happened, and hopefully address it.