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Is 'coming out' a necessity?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kirsten, Jul 21, 2014.

  1. Kirsten

    Kirsten Guest

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    Hi everyone,

    I have recently started to come to terms with my sexuality after years of trying to ignore and run away from it. I am bisexual.

    I have accepted this about myself, is it really necessary to come out and tell people? Is it really anyone's business? Who cares if I like both women and men? But in telling myself that I wonder if I am just rationalizing to myself more reasons to keep hiding this part of myself from my family and friends, like I tried to hide it from myself for all those years.

    Do you feel like coming out is an important step to being true to yourself?
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    Only come out if you feel like it's necessary. If you don't feel it's necessarily, then don't come out.

    When someone meets me for the first time, they know nothing about me. When they become friends, they know more, but they still don't know all of me. I still have many things to share. This is the same for you. Your bisexuality is simply another thing they didn't know.

    If you don't want to hide it, then you don't have to hide it. Just comment freely on women you find attractive as well as men. When they ask you about it, just clarify that you're attracted to women as well, which may or may not be coming out, but it's less coming out-y than sitting someone down and telling them you're bisexual.

    Some people love to do this subtle hint thing. Others feel comfortable with talking it through. Do what's most comfortable to you, and good luck.
     
  3. Jenna0780

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    Personally, I felt the need to tell my family. I don't feel the need to advertise my sexuality, but if it comes up or if someone asks about my views on sexuality, or if it sparks a debate, I will tell people that I am, and I've done several projects for school that center around sexuality, whether it is about my own sexuality, or LGBT community as a whole. It's part of who I am, as much as being Hispanic is. I don't feel the need to expand upon where my ancestors are from, but if it comes up in conversation, or if someone says, "This is 'Murica, and these illegal Mexicans need to learn to speak 'Murican," who am I more likely to defend?
     
  4. Geek

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    It's really up to you. If someone is being homophobic and you wish to stand up for yourself there's that. Also I'm out to a friend who's bisexual. I know some people may call this immature or lame but in some ways it helps us bond. Like we were both at a church conference and we were rating guys as they walked by. Or i'll go "oh he's cute" and she'll agree or disagree. It seems like guys don't talk about who they like as much but idk there's always that.
     
  5. WearyWanderer

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    If you don't think it's necessary, then you don't have to do it. Some people want to tell the whole world, while other people just want to keep it to themselves (like you and me). There's nothing wrong with either approach. You do whatever makes you most comfortable. :slight_smile:
     
  6. mikey1345

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    For me it was important to come out to my immediate family and really close friends. I haven't felt the need to specifically tell anyone else. That being said I don't deny it, I have a boyfriend and I don't try to hide it.
     
  7. If you're having trouble with the idea of sitting down with every person you meet and carefully explaining your sexuality to them, I don't blame you! That would be a total drag and awkward to boot.

    It seems like it's difficult to balance the fact that most of us do not want to have to have the conversation about our sexual orientation with every single person for the rest of our lives with the seemingly incompatible fact that not being open about who you are also really sucks for a lot of reasons.

    Maybe try this method on for size instead of the usual "coming out" business we all know and dread:
    (forgive me everyone for going on this spiel yet again! but it's worked so well for me)

    Instead of having to have a special conversation with everyone you meet for the rest of your life about your bisexuality and instead of shouting it from the rooftops so that everyone can just know it before you get there, you could try just being yourself completely unedited. If your friends are talking about attractive celebrities, don't be afraid to say that you're into this female celeb and this other male one if that's the honest truth about how you feel. Don't give in to the temptation to curtail your speech or actions to make it sound like you're straight.

    Straight people talk about being straight constantly. They just don't realize they are doing it. They just assume people know they're straight. If you haven't noticed this, try talking to a straight friend for a while and see how many things they say indicate their sexual orientation. It will open your eyes.

    Straightness goes unnoticed, whereas anything else gets noticed and made a big deal of. But if you don't make a big deal of just being yourself, bisexual and all, then people will get the memo without having to address it directly. Or they'll hear you say something indicative of bisexuality and ask about it, and all you have to do is answer as casually as possible. It becomes normal to you after a while of doing this because you'll be being yourself and that's really natural if you're not being forced to double and triple think all of your speech and actions to curtail your sexual orientation indicators.