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And commence the planning of more coming outs . . .

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tardis221B, Jul 23, 2014.

  1. Tardis221B

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    So "I'm afraid I've been thinking. A dangerous pastime. I know . . ." But I'm trying to decide who I should come out to next once I get back to my university. I'm out to my guy best friend and my parents, but I still have to come out to at least 3 close friends. A week after school starts I can sign up for the GSA, which will be a big step for me, but after that I'm going to gradually start telling those three people.

    Friend 1 - I've been friends with her for 7 years. She is my best friend, she is straight and isn't homophobic, but once said she felt distanced from someone because they were a lesbian. . . we sort of act like couple (at least in my mind.) Letting each other develop our own circle of friends, but always knowing that we've got each other's back.

    Friend 2 - I met her at college, she's very open minded and easy to talk to, I highly doubt that she's homophobic. I hang out a lot with her and friend 3, and we all lived together last year.

    and now for the tricky one . . .

    Friend 3 - I've been really good friends with her for 2 years. We met freshman year of college, and became good friends. I unfortunately developed a huge crush on her, and she is about as straight as they come. And I have a feeling she is homophobic . . . Although she has said she's fine with gay rights once or twice, I still get the feeling she's homophobic.

    ~ She's very religious (absolutely nothing wrong with this), but she has said men and women are just so perfect for each other because they fit together like puzzle pieces.​
    ~ I got in a heated debate with her about Elsa from Frozen, because I didn't see a problem with her staying single (or with a girl), but she seems to think the only happy ending comes from a man and woman marrying and having babies. ​
    ~ And then the big one; We were talking about the Elsanna ship, which I'll admit is a bit strange because of the incest, but what she said about it really got to me. She said, "Its weird enough that they're both girls, but the fact that they're sisters." and I repeat "Its weird enough that they're both girls" ​

    Anyways, I think I'm going to tell friend 1 first, then maybe 2, or tell 2 and 3 together. Thoughts?

    Also I think I might test the waters with friend 3 by talking about the SwanQueen ship (Regina & Emma). We watch Once Upon a Time together so this might be a good way to test the waters again.

    Anyways if you read through this entire post, thanks. And if anyone got my quote in the fist paragraph you're my new favorite person. :icon_wink
     
  2. RedDev84

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    Hey there Tardis

    Firstly, well done on your previous coming outs. Hopefully they went well and provide you with a bit of experience/preparation for your next one should you decide to go ahead with it :slight_smile:

    That's a quote from Beauty and the Beast right? or some childhood movie. Can't remember to be honest.

    I think this friend sounds really kind and loyal. I wouldn't worry about the "felt distanced from someone because they were lesbian" too much. You've got to remember, although all of us (gays/lesbians) may share the same traits in our orientation, we're all different. Just because it got a bit distant for her before with someone else, doesn't guarantee it will this time - if everything carries on as it did before, no reason anything should change :slight_smile:

    You could either "test the waters" with Friend 2, try find out their views on LGBT before you come out just to be sure. Otherwise if you're really confident - go for it as like Friend 1.

    By telling friend 2, do you feel you will have to tell friend 3? If you hang out with 2 and 3 together a lot - you could perhaps share your feelings of concern with friend 2? She may be able to advice on how friend 3 may take the news if she's ever seen/heard anything from friend 3 that you have missed. With that said, if you did tell them together, you only have to come out once and not twice. Killing two birds with one stone etc etc. It's whatever you feel suits your scenario the best.

    Certainly do test the waters if you feel comfortable enough to do so. You may get a better general idea of what to expect if you come out.
     
    #2 RedDev84, Jul 23, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2014
  3. Candace

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    I feel like you should have no trouble with friend 1. She's practically your best friend and knows you inside and out. That having been said, don't you think she has an idea formulated in her head already? You might be in more of surprise, in that she kinda may know already. Like RedDev stated, do you think it's worth telling friend 3 when they're already friends with friend 2?
     
  4. Tardis221B

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    Thanks for both of your responses, I really appreciate it :slight_smile: My first 3 coming outs went really well. My guy friend and my dad had perfect responses and reactions. My mom took it well, but she is having a harder time adjusting to the idea.

    Yeah, I'm not too worried about Friend 1, but I don't think she's going to see it coming. I talk with her about guys to some extent, and I tell her about the guys who I'm crushing on, so I'll just have to be sure to explain my bisexuality to her. But I think I've started to ease her into the idea, as I actually came out to her as asexual before I realized my attraction to women. I don't think she'll have a problem with it; I just have the normal pre-coming out nerves about this one, especially since I care so much about her. She'll be the next person I'll tell since she is one of the most important people in my life, and it's only fair that she finds out sooner rather than later.

    I definitely feel like I need to tell Friend 3. She is one of my closest friends, and I love her even if she is homophobic. What can I say, we share a mutual love for Disney, science, baking, Harry Potter, reading, cats, and many shared memories. I think she'll be mature about it, but she will probably distance herself from me.

    I'm just not sure if I should tell Friend 2 before I tell Friend 3. I would feel guilty if I told Friend 2 before 3, but it would help me gauge 3's reactions and extend my support network if things go badly with friend 3. But I don't know . . . Thoughts?

    And, yes that is Beauty and the Beast, its the first line in the reprise of the song "Gaston." :icon_bigg
     
  5. Proginoskes

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    One of the the things you should do first before you come out to Friend 3 is that you should straight up ask her about her opinion. on big topics like gay marriage, or gay adoption. Before I came out as bi to my best friend I had to make sure that he wouldn't go nuts, or stop our friendship. So I plainly asked him about his opinions on gay marriage, and other topics. He was less homophobic than I would have expected. Overall you have to be sure that you don't want to wait until you have to tell her, like if you get into a romantic relationship with another woman. (So sorry about my grammar and word choice, I am both Dyslexic and Dyspraxic.