So next month I'm moving out of state for college, and once I'm moved out and at school, I'm planning on sending my family a letter telling them I'm gay. I'm choosing to do it this way for a number of reasons, the two main reasons being: 1. I've always felt like it would be too awkward for me to tell my family in person. 2. Simply letting them know I'm gay isn't enough. There's a lot more to it than that, and it would just be too much to say it all in person. Anyways, I'd rather not post the letter here because it's very personal and something I'd rather no one outside of my family saw, but I've been trying to write a few drafts, and every time I write the letter, I just come off sounding so angry and pissed off, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand I am angry, because I really do feel like my family has made some bad decisions over the years that prevented me from discovering and accepting my sexuality, and I want them to know that. Otherwise I'd regret it for the rest of my life. But on the other hand I know for a fact that my family means no harm to the LGBT community, and at one point my mom even told me that if I ever felt like I was gay or transgender I could tell her and she wouldn't care. And I know I'm extremely lucky in that regard, so part of me would just feel shitty if I did come off sounding pissed. I've tried numerous times to rewrite the letter in a nicer tone, but I always end up sounding angry and pissed off. And I'm sorry the letter's not here to read, I know that makes it harder to respond, but do if any of you have any thoughts on this, I'd appreciate it.
Hmmm. I am (was) in the exact same boat as you. You have every right to be pissed and angry but as you obviously know, its not always right to say or portray how you feel sometimes. What I would do is of course, write the letter. Start to finish. Then, 1 day later or whenever you are feeling better, go through it and take out words like, 'offended' or 'hurt me' or anything that could potentially antagonize the reader and then switch them. Proof read it. Rewrite sentences. If your a happy drunk, drink (not too much!) and then write the letter then. A work of art or a perfect letter sometimes isn't written at the drop of a hat. Here, Im not very good at writing, but I'll try to write a sample letter that I hope can portray how a coming out letter can feel. Instead of trying to MAKE them understand how you feel, bait them to it. It sounds insidious but it really isn't. Just tell them the situation in neutral tones as Ill hopefully portray below and let their human part take over and understand what you are trying to say. Dear Mom/Dad/Family, College is fine so far. Classes are great, and I really got some kickin' roomates this year! Im thinking about starting some sports, however I am not quite sure which one to start, I like them all! ~fast forward fluff~ There is something I would like to share and I trust and know you guys to understand. You always do. For basically my whole life, I struggled and hurt over something most people can't understand. I couldn't tell anybody and as a result I was hurt and am still hurting. And the problem is, Im gay. And I know you mom! You're probably thinking, did I do something? The thing is I didn't choose how I felt. It happened and it never went away. It isn't your fault and I always loved all your support and guidance in my life. Part of the reason I never told you sooner is not just because I was afraid of letting other people know this part about me, but because I was perhaps afraid of accepting who I really am by finalizing it by saying it. Im sorry for causing you heartache over this but I have decided to really grow and love who I am, who I was born to be. And part of that process is telling you something that you need and deserve to know as my parents. I truly hope you still think the same of me and I appreciate your patience! ~extra fluff~ Love, Son This letter sucks but I hope it portrays what I'm trying to say! If you're feeling up to it, I can assist you in your letter. Pm me if your interested and of course, Im just giving you options, your privacy is no one's but yours Feel free to copy and paste!
