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Little sister making me want to stay closeted

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ThisY4arIsTime, Jul 25, 2014.

  1. ThisY4arIsTime

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    Hi everyone! I'm new here so please bare with me! How do I put this...

    I think I've reached the end of denial, and I can accept myself for who I am. However, my sister is 9 years old, and I feel like I shouldn't be 'exposing' her to other sexualities (an argument against gay marriage has been 'think of the children', so I guess maybe I've started believing that). I didn't really know about gay people until 11-12. Okay, so what I wrote just offended me, so sorry if anyone else is offended (I think this is what internalised homophobia does to you :tantrum:slight_smile: I guess I'm worried she'll get teased or something, I went to an all girls school and people there were really not sensitive about that kind of thing, there was a lot of 'you're a dyke' etc.

    I don't know if any of this is making sense. I guess my worries can be summed up in two parts:
    1) I'm worried that me being gay (and being out about it, especially if I get a girlfriend) could make her question her sexuality and get really confused.
    2) I'm also worried that when she goes into secondary school, the casual homophobic remarks could either lead to bullying (if she tried to stand up for me) or her hating me and believing what they've said.

    I'm not out to my parents, because I guess all this is making me want to stay closeted. I also know that if someone else had started this thread, I'd probably tell them to stop overthinking things (why can't I take my own advice?)

    So if anyone has anything to say, even if it's just 'stop being such and idiot' it would be much appreciated! :thumbsup:
     
  2. Clay

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    You are being quite irrational here to be honest. "Exposing" her to different sexualities isn't going to affect her negatively.
     
  3. That one guy

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    She's gonna find out about it eventually, surely it's better to tell her now and explain it then to wait and let her views of LGBT people be influenced by others. Also I doubt that just because her big sister is a lesbian she herself will question her sexuality.
     
  4. pigpassport

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    Tell her. Kids like to copy other people anyway so she may well say things about having a girlfriend and getting married herself but that doesn't mean that she's actually queer or confused about her sexuality at all.

    And the bullying thing. What will happen will happen. If it happens at school, all schools have a zero tolerance policy with that kind of thing (although how good they are differs). It may not happen at all.

    Either way she's going to get exposed to gay people at some point in her life anyway, even if you only tell her when she's a bit older. And in fact, I actually think it's better to 'expose' people to things like that at younger ages, so they get better educated on it earlier on.
     
  5. ThisY4arIsTime

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    I'm definitely very good at being irrational, especially when it comes to coming out :icon_redf the thing is that I'm really not sure where I get all these thoughts from! My family is atheist and the uk is quite progressive with it's attitudes. Maybe I still have some internalised homophobia to deal with :confused:

    Thank you for replying! Sometimes I just need a slap round the face and someone to tell me I'm being ridiculous (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 25th Jul 2014 at 02:31 PM ----------

    That's a good point! I wish she was going to a mixed school, I don't know how much better attitudes will be tbh but my secondary school never really did anything to make me feel particularly supported... except for the time we had an assembly about not saying 'that's so gay', which had the complete opposite effect :***: maybe if I can get in there first haha, give her a positive look at things.

    I read something a while ago about children whose parents are the same gender experiment more with people of the same sex then children whose parents are the opposite sex? I guess if I came out and was happy then perhaps she'd be possibly more open then I had been (I.e telling myself I couldn't possibly be gay). Regardless of her sexuality that can't be a bad thing I guess :icon_wink

    ---------- Post added 25th Jul 2014 at 02:41 PM ----------

    That's true. I remember when I was about 13 or so my friend and I used to walk round holding hands and stuff (surprised we did that tbh, considering the general anti-lesbian attitude at my school) Hopefully, as people become more accepting, bullying won't happen, but obvious I'd stand up for her if it did :slight_smile:

    Thank you for helping me, everyone :slight_smile: I appear to not be as comfortable with coming out as I thought :dry: it's like I'd completely support someone else who was gay etc, but when it comes to me personally I get worried that I should just keep my sexuality to myself *sigh* I think I've internalised more than I thought. Hopefully I'll muster up the courage to go to pride this year though
     
  6. happydavid

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    I think nowadays kids know about gays and same sex relationships and if She saw you with another girl se will think your good frIends.
     
  7. Archie

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    I think it's all been said but I'd just like to add one thing. I wish every kid had the opportunity to get to know about gay people from a certain age through someone who could give them a valid, decent, reasonable explanation about it. Your sister won't turn out gay because of you; however much you mean to her, her sexual orientation has nothing to do with you. If she starts questioning her sexuality, why exactly would that be a bad thing? She'll grow up to be free of prejudice and very wary of where she stands in the sexuality spectrum. Think about it :slight_smile:
     
  8. LifeAsWeKnowIt

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    I also struggle with this, but I have 5 siblings, the oldest of which is 24 and the youngest is 10. I know that they'd be the hardest to come out to, and that's really holding me back. My parents could take it and whatever, but I don't know how my siblings would take it. In the environment I live in, my mother shelters them from ever hearing about or interacting with gay people. We, as a family, know one gay person, and they are often either the butt of all jokes, or we pretend that they aren't actually gay and don't acknowledge it at all. I'm sorry this is rambley, but anyone got any advice or words of wisdom to stop me freaking out?
     
  9. HTBO

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    I would tell her, exposing her to who you are is not a bad thing. You are showing her that it's ok to be who you are and that you are proud. Hiding it will only show her that there is something wrong with being gay because she will eventually find out. I have an 8 and 15 year old who live at home and told both of them. I'm roommates with my ex-husband and we have separate bedrooms which is quite obvious when their friends come over. As far as influencing your sister, well there are two scenarios. She'll want to be like you and say she is gay but really isn't and when hormones kick in so will boys (if she's really straight she won't be able to fight it) and the second is she actually is gay and you made it a lot easier for her to come out and to be true to herself.
     
  10. ThisY4arIsTime

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    Thanks for the advice everyone! (&&&) Basically I need to stop worrying, hmmm I guess if you asked me to sum myself up in a word it would be 'overthinker' :lol:

    What's been said about her knowing at a younger age is definitely true... Maybe I wouldn't be thinking like this if I'd had a gay relative or friend to go to for support (instead I get to burden you guys :icon_wink)

    I think I'm getting to the end of the self acceptance journey thing, and this is just the last hurdle. Now, to work up the courage to come out :eek:
     
  11. Archie

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    Good luck with that! Let us know when you do it so we can congratulate you (!)