Hello ! Today I heard my parents talk about gay marriage. So they think that being gay is now fashionable and a way to be "in", and that being a rebel (gay=rebel for them) is trendy for the young people ! They seem to think that this is all a joke ... I've always know that both of them were not completely ok with LGBTs; my dad is homophobe around the edges, and my mom accepted my cousin's homosexuality, but still thinks that she is going to "change back" and be with a man, because that's "the way it's supposed to be" ! Oh I'm sick of their garbage !!! But lately I have felt like I had to come out to them, because they have been starting to talk to me about "boyfriends", especially my mom. And I already tried to give them some subtle clues ... Now, I know I need to come out, because I can't keep it in anymore. I wanted to go for it lately; my parents seemed to be more ok with homosexuality, but after what i heard today, I believe more and more that they are never going to change ! I know what my familly said about my cousin, and how they tried to change her ... they even tried to make her meet guys against her will ! And I don't want my parents to try to change me ... because I won't change, and I don't want to change !! So do I come out right now ? Or do I try to open their mind before ? It was so easy to come out to my friends, and i went do well; but now, this is a whole other level !! Thanks for your time :icon_wink
Maybe, in your place, I would wait until you got a GF. Then you could introduce her to your parents, and show them that you are happy together and that all of your friends accept you both. Maybe then they will realize that homosexuality is a part of this world no matter what when they wish.
Well, the thing is that my cousin (who is a lesbian) is getting married this august. And my parents have seen her and her almost-wife live happy for quite a long time now but still didn't change their mind. I know that maybe knowing that i am their daugter will make them be more understanding ... i don't know ! But at the same time, i already have thought about what you said about coming out when i'll have a gf; but isn't there a risk they'll get mad at her ? As crazy as it might be, they would probably be capable of thinking that she "turned me gay" ... But yeah, I think that i'll keep waiting for a better time to come out Thank you
Maybe you being their daughter will make it better, but probably not immediately. At first they will be upset, but maybe after a while they will become accepting. From the sounds of it they have some very delusional beliefs about gay people, so it's hard to know what they'll do. Before you come out, you should think about if your parents would disown you. A lot of anti gay people are unethical in many other ways as well. If you think they will throw you out, wait until you are financially and emotionally independent of them to come out.
From the little information you gave us, your parents don't seem evil or dangerous. Just extremely ingnorant. I don't want to insult your parents, but our parent's generation simply grew up in a different age and they can't help being taught nonsense in school and during their upbringing. The next generations will say the same about us, just in connection to a different topic. So, I don't think your parents would be mad or try to hurt her or anything. Some people just need the kick to open their eyes.
Well I don't think they would disown me ... they will probably be upset at first, but more accepting with time ! They always accepter my cousin and all her girlfriends, they talk and laugh with them, even about their "homo" relationship, and I truly think they can do the same with me. My only worry is that they'll try to change me and that they'll get annoying ! And I was thinking the same about my parents, they are just ignorant, just like their generation. I wouldn't say that they are really homophobic, but they just don't understand that it is love and that it's not a choice, nor a way to be rebellious ! Anyways, thanks for sharing you point of view, it helps
funny, that would be the first time anyone referred to me as "fashionable":lol: best of luck with your parents(*hug*)
That's why I think it would be better for you if you already had a GF when you come out to them. That way, they will see you can't, and especially don't want nor need to be changed, because you are happy with her. They won't have a chance to raise the "just a phase" flag. They'll have to accept you.
I was in the same position as you are about a month ago. My mom constantly used to think gays as something weird, always vividly made fun of them, and almost detested them. I don't blame her, she was brought up as a Pentecostal christian - the strictest denomination. When I came out to her... well she could have never suspected that. It was odd for her to hear it, she appeared dissapointed telling me "But you said that you liked girls, you've had girlfriends... I don't get it." She couldn't grasp it. She even said "It's not easy for a mother to hear this." She appeared ashamed. I decided to constantly force her to talk about these issues, why I'm gay, proud and happy. She did witness me going through a three year depression, many issues were present, one of them being my sexuality. So for her to finally hear me say that I'm actually happy now is a relief for her. I'm talking to her about the fact that I can't change myself, I mean why would anyone want to be gay? You get discriminated and marginalized. I also speak to her the truth, I want to be in love and deserve it more than anyone. I am a great son. 4.0 college student, have a job at my college which is actually full time. I don't do drugs (alcohol the exception) and treat her with love and respect. What more could she want? Long story short: It has taken her a bit of time (3 weeks), but now she accepts me and in fact when I told her about the gay club I went to last weekend she actually said that she might go in the near future - that made me think that she's finally starting to accept my lifestyle. I believe when she finally sees me in a romantic relationship with someone she'll finally understand. I'm going to tell you that's going to be tough. You'll be very angry by their response, trust me. That was my mistake, I became angry at her - don't be angry at them. Explain to them why, and by a bit passive. Talk to them about the positive qualities about you, I hope you're a great daughter because that might make things a lot easier. Listen... let it sink through for them, it'll take time for their initial shock to wane away, but do it when you're ready and at the right time. It can make all the difference in the world.
Well I've always been quite good at school, I will probably go in a good university, make long studies ... I just guess I won't rush for coming out, knowing that my only way to meet girls is my high school, where the only gay or bi girls are in a relationship or not my type at all ... And as I live in a small town in France, I don't have any "lgbt club" or any places to meet gay people, besides gay bars where I can't go because I'm still under 18 ... So i'll see how it goes and if I really want to come out even without a GF, i'll just go for it ... at least now I have a better idea of how they coud react ! Thank you very much for sharing
No problem, remember you don't have to rush it. When you're ready you'll know and then is when it shall be time to let them know.
