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How would you interpret?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RedDev84, Jul 26, 2014.

  1. RedDev84

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    Hey

    I consider myself pretty paranoid. So I expect this won't be the last time, nor is it the first time, I ask a question such as this..

    There was someone all of us at work knew (not a colleague, however) who eventually moved away many months ago, only seen him once since. We discovered yesterday that before anyone got to know him, that he actually has a record for an 'incident' that occurred before anyone in the office got to know him. He had to sit on the sex offenders register for a while as a result.

    The fact is, more than one person (colleagues) said something along the lines of "We did feel there was something wrong with him - just thought he was gay". There would be some laughing/chuckling after saying this.

    As I write this I actually feel a little more at-ease about it, and perhaps it wasn't a big deal. But it's the "something wrong with him - assumed he was gay" bit that makes me wonder...

    I took the effort to type it, so I'll post it anyway. Would like to hear your thoughts.

    I've always been concerned about coming out at work. I can't even figure out my family's views on LGBT, never mind work colleagues.. I just don't know how they will react. So yeah, nobody at work knows I'm gay.
     
  2. Archie

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    Hm...I wouldn't really come out at work if I were you. Is it necessary? I don't see how your private life and your professional life are related so just don't come out I guess!?

    It sounds like it could affect you negatively at work, although if you've been there long enough that you get on really well with your colleagues and you think they already like you, maybe they could be accepting of you - you didn't do anything wrong to end up on the sex offenders register so there's that. But I wouldn't bet on that. Basically I think it's none of their business so just keep it to yourself if you can.

    I know it must be really annoying to have people act like that around you, but if you can put up with it, then to me that sounds like a good choice.
     
  3. Really

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    I think you need to judge how it was said. They could easily have said, "something off/fishy/going on/we can't put our finger on/etc". "Wrong" could easily have meant "out of the ordinary". Mind you, there certainly is something wrong with sex offenders but as they had only been speculating at the time, they weren't to know.
    So "wrong" doesn't have to mean the opposite of "right". It can just mean, "We don't have the full picture and don't know the whole story."
     
  4. RedDev84

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    Hey thanks for the reply.

    It isn't really their business, you're right. Outside of the office I don't speak to anyone at all. However, it's a pretty small company, so everyone knows everyone to at least some degree. We all know who's married, single, got kids, not got kids. Everyone is quite open about most things. It's basically a fairly close group throughout.

    I'm sure there will come a time I'll casually get asked about relationships, and I don't really like to lie about it. Right now it's easy and I just say "I'm single" because it's true.

    It will negatively effect IF there's a bad reaction. If nobody causes a problem, then there isn't issue. Naturally I didn't do anything wrong as you said. The other chap that is/was on the register is actually quite irrelevant to the whole point really, that's just how the "questionable quote" came up.

    As you said, I'm gonna sit on it for a while. It's only likely to change if I ever end up in a relationship.

    Spot on. I haven't concluded either way, I'm simply not sure if the comment was intended to be along the lines of "can't put our finger on it", in other words, non-harmful. Or if there was an element of putting being gay as a negative thing.
     
    #4 RedDev84, Jul 27, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2014
  5. PatrickUK

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    @RedDev - in your original posting you placed emphasis on the word wrong, but look what I've done above. I've moved the emphasis to the word just. Can you see how that makes a difference?

    I don't think you are being paranoid. To make the two comments in the same breath was unfortunate and it could imply a connection in their thinking, but I actually believe they are more relaxed about the idea of this guy just being gay, but not about him being a sex offender.

    Does that make sense?
     
  6. Elf Wynd

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    Understand that the judicial system is most likely not what you think it is. It is not innocent until proven guilty, only around 5% of cases go to trial, the rest are plea bargains which are basically the DA making an offer you can't refuse.

    So all of those prisoners who say 'I didn't do it' I fear the chances are pretty high that many of them didn't.

    Innocent people accept plea bargains. https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=innocent+people+accept+plea+bargains Go read, weep...

    As for registered offenders, many of them are for stupid stuff like peeing in a public alley at 2:15 am - that would be 15 minutes after the bar closed and they were not only in need of a restroom but slightly intoxicated. Yet the law is the law and they still have to register as a sex offender, although no real offense and no sex took place.

    This whole system is so screwed up that cops do not rely on the Department of Justice Records for anything. The police keep their own records knowing full well that the Justice department hasn't got all the facts, and what facts they do have is skewed to blatantly wrong. And then police records ain't that pristine and factual either.

    Another aspect here is arrests and convictions and overturned cases are not taken off records. It is highly possible this guy was initially found guilty, then found innocent and no one bothered to clear it off the record. THAT happens a lot as well.

    In fact things like long old warrants for arrest that were supposed to be taken back, remained on computers until about 2003 when the Social Security Office decided to make a new law about people with warrants not getting their checks. Hundreds of thousands of innocent people with warrants that were wrongly put out on them, ended up losing their benefits.

    With all of this new data (which I strongly suggest you Google stuff to get a bit of reality), you may now understand that when someone has been accused of a crime, or has served time for a crime or any other thing - I have sufficient understanding of how the justice system works to be able to seriously doubt that the person was actually guilty to begin with, let alone the follow up punishments which vary case to case depending on such things as race, economics, gender....

    I take things at face value. I would accept what the guy said about the matter. It is, given all of the issues with the legal system, the actually truth.