How long did you know before you came out?

Ouch, I feel for you. That's why I'm happy that I quickly decided to come out before I knew that I was going to get involved with a girl for a long time, though it appears as if you are more focused on him rather than you. Notice how this is causing you to be unhappy. You more than anyone deserve your love and affection and if you're gay, than you should think about how much happier you'll be with that girl.

In my case I guess I've known all my life (22), but I've been afraid because of society and because I grew up in a christian private school which taught about how horrible this was. It took my some time, but I went through a bisexual phase, which I discarded eventually and now that I've accepted I'm gay (only realized it about a month ago) I'm much happier. Its still a bit tough because all of this is new, and I'm still confused about how to handle coming out, relationships, etc... but hey, I can't expect for this to be prompt and pain free after living a life for 22 years.

 

Do some research on the internet, it has helped me a lot. I also had absolutely no idea, that's why went I went to my very first gay club this weekend I was completely nervous and I'm usually a confident person. It was different, but its helped me grow a lot. First is to accept and love yourself, stop worrying about others. Once you're done with that free yourself and live a little. You're still very young, so you have to go through the phase of exploring your new found sexuality.

 

How did he take it? But is it the first time you've told someone? I remember my first time, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

 

Only about a week for me. I guess I couldn't hold it in! ^.^

Good luck with coming out; you're in a tough situation. >.<

 

I've known for the last 4/5 years but I've been waiting until I'm 100% and comfortable with myself before I come out. Recently though, I've started to realise that there probably won't be a day when I'm 100% sure. I think I'm ready to come out, because I too feel like I might explode if I don't! Now to muster up the courage.....:help:

 

Hmm. The reality is that back in my youth homosexuality was not one of the options on the table.

Understand I knew what homosexuality was, my eldest brother came out when he was 16, then promptly kicked out of the house forever. I also worked with the church community in the gay community and other areas such as the area were teens turn to prostitution in order to survive.

So I knew full well that homosexuality existed, I just never connected my lack of interest in the female species as being anything more than natural celibacy.

That all went fine and well until I was 24... then I met my first love, a dude and that kinda sorta rocked my world to its core in both good and bad ways.

I wanted that man more than anything else in the world. I nearly instantly fell completely in love with him.

But it took me 6 months to go through the crises of what being gay meant for me and my life in general. However Love won out in the end and I made the decision that if I'm going to be with this guy, then I have no other choice but to admit to myself and others that I am a homosexual.

So it took me about 6 months from realizing I'm gay, to telling everyone I knew at the time 'I'm gay'...

 

I first had inklings when I was 19 or 20. I had read somewhere that it wasn't unusual for people to have a "gay phase", so I decided to just ride it for awhile to see where it took me. After several months (more than six, fewer than twelve) I decided "Well, this phase is taking a long time to finish. I'm guessing it's permanent." Then I started taking steps to come out.

Lex

 

I had no idea I was gay until last october, and didn't actually believe or accept until dec/jan, and the first time I came out was beginning of March; it was very difficult to keep it in knowing for that period of time.
Do you think you and your bf would consider living as roommates to give you time to figure out how to move on? My ex-husband and I have agreed to be roommates for 2 years until our 15 year old finishes high school, and gives our 8 year old time to adjust. It also allows us to pay off debts we have together, such as the car, rather than fighting about it. In two years it will be paid off. I know it's not an ideal situation, and we definitely had an adjusting period, but it seems to work ok now. We live separate lives, and do activities separately with the kids as well so there is no confusion (more for the younger) about whether or not we are together. I don't know if your situation would allow for this type of scenario, but it is a possibility. And it will give you time to find out who you are and how to be gay Completely understand that! I've met some friends who have been educating me, lol. They are excellent resources and sometimes they do forget I'm new to the scene, but they have good intentions. One of my friends suggested watching this girl on youtube, Arielle Scarcella. She is entertaining, and I do recommend it After you come out, you may realize that there is a different you underneath. I noticed I really don't care anymore what people think of me and I do what makes me happy. No one has said anything, I just hear comments occasionally about a lot of changes. To me, the changes are exactly what I needed; they are liberating, they are who I really am. It's difficult to break up your family, but at the same time, is it really any better continuing the way it is? Your bf and daughter if not already, will feel the tension and change in you, and they will probably try to over compensate thinking it's them. I know this because it happened with my ex-husband. He used to do the same as your bf and make all these plans for the future and all I could think was it won't happen, I'm gay.
sorry for the scattered answer, my thoughts were everywhere

 

I knew since I was 14 and came out a month after my 25th birthday.

 

I had started questioning my lack of attraction for the opposite sex when I was twelve years old and in the seventh grade. Going full-on gay sounded so weird to me at the time, so I thought I might be bi, but I didn't think about it that much. One year later, I started feeling things for the opposite sex: all these girls around me are so beautiful, I wanna kiss a girl, I want lesbian sex, etc. I think I realized I was a lesbian in May, then I outed myself in June. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you in the end.

 

I came out to one of my friends on the very day that I came out to myself. By the next day, I was out to 3 people. I am not out to 8 and it has been a week. Normally, it is advised that one not rush coming out, but I'm afraid that if I wait, I will conceal my feelings again and it will only be worse when it comes up again. I just want to let it out now so I don't get that "bursting at the seams" feeling.

For you, you sound bisexual to me. If you still have feelings for your male partner, why end it? If you truly don't feel like you can go on with him and must switch over to a same sex partner, that would be best. Just make sure that he knows you are in questioning and trying to figure everything out. Coming out is a hard process not only for the person coming out but for the people being told.

 

Glad your first outing went well

Might be worth while looking through some of the threads in the LGBT Later in Life section. Pretty sure a lot of them have been through something similar.

Personally, I didn't know I was "gay" until a few months after I started coming out lol.

 

I probably knew for sure in late elementary or middle school, but was in denial for awhile until I came for the first time to my friend back in February in my Junior year of high school. (I had a girlfriend at the time).

While I can't really give you much advice on your situation, I know EC's community is diverse enough to include lots of people with personal experience. I am glad your first coming out experience went well. I wish you the best of luck!

Saw your final post after writing this. What happened afterwards?