Come Out or Don't Come Out?

start by telling people that you know would be ok with it (your closest friends) , trust me you'll feel much better , and you won't be so stressed about it anymore , at least that's how i feel now , and about your familly , you could do that later if you feel better after coming out to your friend , but if you're still so anxious about it you could start by coming out to your mother because if she's "sometimes" supportive of LGBT people , she'll definitly be supportive to her son !!

 

Hmm. I'm sort of in your boat. I think my mother would be accepting, my father would feign acceptance while remaining offensive, and my brother... well, he's already told me he doesn't "give a shit" lol. My grandparents are very Christian and believe in "love the sinner, not the sin", so they're out too lol.

It all depends on how you feel about it. I don't think my parents would kick me out or anything, but in your situation, is that a possibility? Be 100% positive that they won't kick you out before you decide anything either way. While it's nice to be yourself around your family, it's not worth it if you have to find a different place to live because of it. Make sure you're financially independent if you think that they could kick you out.

If that's not an issue, it could be a positive thing. Several people have stories about how homophobic/transphobic certain family members are before they came out to their family; their families then became more tolerant/even became outspoken supporters for the LGBT community. This may not happen with your dad, but your mom may become a huge ally for you.

Ultimately, it's your decision. Just make sure that you are physically safe before you decide. If you think that there's even the slightest chance that your parents will kick you out, I would strongly advise against it. Even if you have friends who are willing to take you in, it's a horrible experience to have to go through. But if you feel safe, go ahead and do it. You may be pleasantly surprised by your family's response.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you.

 

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, but I'm 23 and still live at home. My family is very religious and homophobic - they couldn't watch how I met your mother anymore once they found out Neil Patrick Harris is gay. I've been sort of seeing this guy but I've just been using him as an excuse to get out of my house, but my family thinks I love him or something. It wouldn't be safe for me to come out, so I'm biding my time until I can move out. I feel like part of my soul is ripped away each day, pretending I'm someone I was never meant to be, just to keep my family happy. But I feel like a shell since I can't just be myself.

I feel that you shouldn't tell anyone unless you feel safe and trust them 100%.

 

When you say you've heard your family make a lot of 'gay jokes', what exactly do you mean? Can you explain what sort of 'jokes'... are we talking about silly comments, or blatantly homphobic and nasty remarks?

If you are absolutely certain of a hostile response from one, or both parents it might be better to wait until you are no longer dependent on them (hard as that may be). They may, in actual fact, take the news better than you imagine, but you do need to carefully consider how a bad reaction would affect your emotional well-being and feeling of security. There is an undeniable risk.

I know some people may suggest coming out to your Mother first, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to place one parent in the position of maintaining a secret. Often times, the pressure becomes too much and the secret spills out. Far better to tell both parents together.

As suggested already, you could start by telling a close friend/s or someone else with a postive attitude to LGBT people/issues and build up to telling your parents in the future, when you are more confident and secure.

 

I am in a similar situation except it's only my family that don't know. And I'm afraid to tell them Incase they either disown me or make fun of me and be nasty until I can move out. Which I can see them doing either.

They too make hurtful jokes about gay people, are very homophobic, believe that gay people shouldn't have rights, etc.

What I would do is have a back up plan. If anything goes wrong, you have a plan. For example, I know if my mum disowns me I will move in with my nan (dads mum). Maybe try coming out to family members that have less involvement with you but still be supportive if you have any, so that they provide some sort of back up.

Good luck in whatever you choose, and I hope it goes well for you

 

I think you should come out and give them some time to process the information. Be prepared to answer any annoying questions that they might have.

 

I have been in the coming out process for a week and 2 days. I have told 8 friends so far and no family. I started by telling a friend who I knew could keep a secret because she has told me a lot of her secrets, too. Unless you are totally comfortable with coming out completely right away, don't tell someone who you think might "spill the beans" without thought. Start with very close friends who you trust and work your way up. It's a slow and emotionally draining process. Take it at a pace that you can handle.

 

I once heard someone say that you know it's time to come out with there are more negative aspects to staying in than there are for coming out. That sentence was unnecessarily long and confusing, but the point is that you'll know when you're ready to take the risk.

I'm out to all my friends, and my brother, but I've yet to talk to my parents yet, because I'm just not ready to deal with the chance that they won't be accepting. Like everyone else has said, it's probably best to start with friends or supportive family members and work your way up. You'll know when it's time to take that final step.

Good luck with everything