Ok, so I've put myself in a really awkward situation and I have no idea what to do in terms of coming out. After a lot of confusion and questioning I realised I like girls and I like guys and I'm finally feeling like I don't want to lie any longer, I want to be able to be myself and be 100% honest but I just don't know if coming out now is the best thing because of my situation. Let me explain: About two years ago I think it all begun, that was when I came to terms with the fact that I wasn't 'straight'. I have this friend, we've been close for a long time now and it was about two years ago, we just began to start... messing around, I guess you could call it, fooling around. Not in private or anything, like in school in front of our friends we would "flirt" and cuddle and lie on each other, etc, all in a joking nature. And it continued and we just seemed to get more and more touchy feely and we began to joke about being together and how we were gay and our friends would joke too. I guess a lot of acquaintances as well as friends saw and they too would joke around and obviously word got around about us and everyone would 'joke' with me and with her too. I don't think anyone took it seriously anyway. I know a lot of friends joke around but this was, and is, just different. I don't know how to explain it but just how physically close and the sort of things we would say (nothing actually sexual) and this was all in the view of other people and still is, it's just so intimate and sort of a step further to how other people would joke. So anyway, this had been going on for quite some time and one of our friends - lets call A1 - began to make remarks (behind our backs) to another friend - lets call A2 - saying she thought we were gay and were even actually together and A2 told me this. I simply laughed it off "haha we totally are! she is so on to our case totally!" but in my head I was questioning myself and the crushes I had on people of the same gender and the homosexual thoughts I was constantly having. Then A1 began saying the stuff she said to A2 to the whole group, including me and my friend, and even at one point got me alone and asked me very seriously if I was gay. I laughed about it and said "totally" in a jokey way before seriously adding "no of course not! its all just a joke and playful" etc A1 has since asked me multiple times again but in a more jokey nature and quite a few of my friends have asked me if I am, and more if the friend who I joke with is. I always say something jokey and playfully go along before politely and seriously saying "no, I'm heterosexual lol and so is she" But I'm getting sick of lying and feel like I just want to be honest about who I am with all my friends (family not so sure I'm ready for that) But do you think they already know? Everyone always comments on "how gay" I am, but in a jokey, laughing sort of way - so I assume they're not being serious - even I joke about "how gay" everything I do is and "how gay" I am and I act, well, super gay always wanting to be touchy feely with friends who are girls and talking loads about my favourite TV show couples (who all happen to be gay) and my favourite gay celebrities etc I feel like on the hand, if I came out, everyone would say they already knew, I feel paranoid like they discuss my sexuality behind my back and I;d feel stupid for lying and denying it and trying to say I;m straight but then on the other hand I worry my friend who I joke with would think I'd taken advantage of her and end our friendship and that my friends would treat me differently and it'd be really awkward. Should I come out? And how should I go about it? Also do you think they already know that I'm not straight? I really wasn't sure what section to put this in because I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual as I have crushes on a few guys but I tend to be way more drawn to girls and have a lot more thoughts, fantasies and ideas about my future with girls. However I know that bisexuality can often work like that. And I have developed feelings for the person I joke around with but I know she is straight and I dont want to freak her out and spoil the amazing friendship we have. But I;m just sick of lying to everyone and pretending to be someone I'm not. I know my sexual orientation iso nly a very small part of who I am but it's also a big part and I want to be able to be open about it with people who matter to me. Out of all my friends, only one is openly (and knowingly to me) LGBT, she is a lesbian and her coming out has inspired me to come out too Any advice on this whole situation: Should I come out? Who to? How? If I should tell the girl I joke with I like her? If my friends might already know I'm gay? (I say gay because although I like guys too I;m mostly drawn to girls) And just any other advice, would be so greatly appreciated! I am desperate, so confused and just stressed about all this situation. Plus it is Summer so I feel now would be a good time to come out, then go back to school and start the new term and well my new life. There's two years until I leave school for uni, should I wait out until then? Sorry this is so freaking long! Please, any advice would be so appreciated Thank you so much for reading and all your help guys :lol:
Okay, I'm going to answer your questions in the order in which you asked them. The truth of the matter is they think they know, but they will never be for certain unless you actually tell them. People outside of the LGBTQ+ community typically attempt to identify us based on stereotypes which hold no true value. Even if you both seem like you're dating that doesn't necessarily mean that you are unless you confirm it or you guys are randomly making out haha. Your friends can only assume. Also, there is no defined way a gay person acts, even if you do have gay role models that doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. What does make you affiliate with the LGBTQ+ if you have a romantic attraction and/or sexual urges for someone of the same sex, which is something only you can answer. You should only come out when you're ready. I also recommend coming out when you're completely comfortable with yourself and your sexuality. Others typically come out when they're tired of hiding their true selves and wearing a mask everyday. So only come out when you're ready, coming out can be a slow process and that's okay! When coming out to someone remember to not fret over the small details such as execution like: what exactly should I say? Just come out. Also, you don't have to come out to anyone you're not comfortable with but just remember if you tell one friend make sure their trustworthy because things can spread through the grapevine. As for coming to parents, once again, come out when you're ready but I highly recommend you not to come out to them if it'll place you in an unsafe environment - if you're parents are homophobic. I just don't want your well-being or your life to be endanger because your parents can't accept who you are. If you're unsure how someone will react you can test the waters by bringing up LGBTQ+ related issues to them and pay close attention to their response. Coming out can be very hard even if it's your closest friends or family members. Just be aware there have been cases of family kicking their children out of their home and LGBTQ+ people loosing friends over their sexuality, that's probably not your case, but I wanted you to be aware of some of the potential consequences. If you lose friends that's okay, they probably wasn't the best of friend to be with anyway if they can't accept who you are. You'll find plenty of friends, especially in the LGBTQ+ community who will love and accept you for you. . As for your friend, you should definitely come out to her when you're ready, you never know what may happen, it may turn into a relationship . Just pay attention to the signs and hints she's giving you, do they really exist or is she just being friendly? You can discuss that with her but that doesn't mean she will tell the truth, she could lie and may actually like you so try coming out to her and if she's interested she will let you know I'm sure :icon_bigg. But again, things can happen, she may end up not talking to you, you have to be really careful. That's the tricky thing with crushes :/ My coming out story involved me and my mother. We we're parked at a local Winn-Dixie for two hours until I could muster the words. She denied my sexuality and rarely talked to me for a couple of days then she finally hugged me later and told me she loved me but didn't accept my sexuality. If i missed any questions or you have more just ask! (*hug*) ---------- Post added 30th Jul 2014 at 05:10 PM ---------- I also recommend the Trevor Project. The Trevor Project is 24/7 hotline for LGBTQ+ youth who are depressed or contemplating suicide. Even if you're neither of those there's always someone to talk to there if you need help. The Trevor Project
