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How Long did it Take You?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jguy365, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. Jguy365

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    Hello everyone,
    I have a simple question today. How long did it take you to go from not out at all to completely out, or however out you are today?

    For me, it's been 10 days since I came out to myself. That first week was a rush of "OMG I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE" and now I've really slowed down and have not been finding it necessary to tell anyone. That being said, I have been contemplating non-stop how and when to tell my parents. I figure that the break in my coming out progress is because I have not been able to comfortably settle on bisexual. I keep sorting through every possible sexuality...gay, bisexual, straight, asexual, pansexual...I just can't make up my mind. The answer will come in time.

    Anyway, I am just curious how long it took for some of you to come out and how it was. Thanks for reading!
     
  2. SwimScotty

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    It's been nearly two years for me. I finally accepted that I like guys over the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of high school. I didn't actually come out to anyone (save for one bisexual friend whom I called crying on the phone) until the end of my sophomore year/summer before junior year. I'm going to be a senior in August, and since then I've lost count of the number of people I'm out to--either directly or through casually dropped hints or clues. I'm still not "out to everyone" though, because there would be some repercussions if I were to make it public knowledge. I wouldn't mind telling some people at work though, simply because I trust them and it would be another step closer to coming out to everyone.
     
  3. fireball1

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    It has been a journey for me, I want to say about 6 years. But my close friends first new, then i had to be comfortable with myself. For me I just got to the point I didnt care anymore and you might not even be surprised at how many people might actually knew you were out before you? haha.. It's pretty amazing but you dont have to go out in the middle of the street and tell the world. You can tell whom ever whenever you want its not about timing its all based on acceptance and if people cant accept who you are they were never really your friend anyways. I hope this helps because I could go on and on and on. Just recently my Girl friends little sister called and told her about her coming out and told her not to tell her sister. What do you think she should do?
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    Coming out to everyone takes some doing, unless you decide to send a letter/card/e-mail to everyone you know on one day. Assuming you are not planning to do that, it can take a number of months - that was certainly my experience. It can take years for some people.

    I told a number of online friends first, then my sister and a good friend before my parents. I think there was a gap of about a month between telling my sister and my parents. As for everyone else, that took much longer.

    Don't rush to tell everyone and bear in mind that whenever you meet someone new, everyone will no longer apply.

    Give yourself a break and a bit of thinking time.
     
  5. idream

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    Its been a few months, maybe six?, since I started questioning. Still not all the way out. Take your time:slight_smile:
     
  6. Lyr110

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    took me about 5 or 6 years? I'd say I've known since I was like 12 that I was gay, I just couldn't accept it. Wasn't until this year that I've finally just accepted it and let it out, much happier now :slight_smile:
     
  7. SomeLeviathan

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    5-6 years from when I was *certain*. I've known I wasn't straight my entire life
     
  8. MassiveExtract

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    I think I've known all my life, I simply ignored it, but when I hit 19 years of age I simply couldn't ignore it anymore. I couldn't imagine myself with girls and fantasized more about guys. Since I was 19, it has taken me an additional 3 years, but I finally admitted to myself about a month ago.
     
  9. Pie

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    I've been questioning since 2 years, I knew for certain I was gay at the beginning of July and I came out to my best friend and my mom a few days ago.
     
  10. Pax

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    It's been about 10 years since I started to come out to myself, and 2 since I started coming out to other people. But, when I made that step 2 years ago, I would never have dreamt that I'd ever reach the level of openness that I'm at now. I've been surprised at how fast things have developed.
     
  11. Tardis221B

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    Its been 2 and a half years since I started wondering if I was different. I'd always know something wasn't quite there with my feelings for men. Then I thought I was a hetero-romantic asexual for about a year. I officially accepted that I wasn't attracted to men in the same way as my other female friends this January and I came out to my best female friend as asexual. But then I started to realize and acknowledge that I had feelings for women in late February, early March. I still haven't told her.

    I came out to my best guy friend in May, and then a few weeks later when I got back home from college I told my mom, then about a month later I told my dad. And that gets me to today. I still have a lot of important people to tell, and I'm still working on accepting myself. But its a process, and it takes time.
     
  12. Yossarian

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    About 10 months.
     
  13. whosamelia

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    It's been over a year now since I started questioning, probably been thinking of myself as bi fairly solidly for 6 months. Still have a long way to go in coming out...
     
  14. Wallbuilder

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    In coming out to myself, about three years ago, I experienced that same heart pounding need to share it and like others I put the brakes on. What was I really? I had pretended and so self-talked my way through being heterosexual for so long that I just didn't know. I'm still not 100% sure, but I'm OK with that. You've got it right. These things take time to sort out.

    Within about two weeks of that first stroke of lightning, I told my best friend. Two years later I told my wife. No one else presently in my life knows and for now, I'm good with that. I've been wisely counseled that only the LGBTQ individual can judge when, to whom and why they should come out. I believe that wholeheartedly. For somewhere close to 40 years various people have tried to coax, trick or force me out. I had and will continue to come out only on my terms and my schedule.

    Hope this bit of my story helps.