What are your feelings on my situation

A little background for you, as a reader. I'm 17 and still closeted, and EXTREMELY frustrated... That's all you really need to know.

So recently, I was talking to a very close friend of mine. She had introduced me to some friends that lived in her area a while back... One of these guys is very cute, but, he's "straight". Now she tells me a secret that he's gay. I understand that's a sleazy thing for someone to do to someone else, but she knows I'm cool with the whole gay thing. Not knowing that I, myself, am gay.

She invited me to a party that was going down later that night. I was excited to see - we'll call him Mike - Mike. Mike looked better than ever... I couldn't tell whether or not this was just me seeing him in a new light, or if he had changed since the last time I'd seen him. So we're hanging out, a couple of the kids, including mike decide to go get some food. I stay with some of my other friends, we all go and satisfy our nicotine craving. We're smoking cigarettes, walking the park, waiting for everyone to get back. I'm informed that one of the people with Mike is gay, but he's not completely out either.

One of the people in our group starts to say something, and realizes I'm there, and forgot that, to the best of her knowledge, I didn't know about Mike and his orientation. She quickly stopped talking. I knew exactly what the conversation was about, but played it cool. Playing dumb.. You know.

In any case, I start asking questions, like "hey, is Mike's friend gay"? They had no problem outing him to me, but that wasn't necessary, I knew he was from probably the second I saw him. Then I casually ask them "is Mike gay"... they couldn't say "no" fast enough.

As my cigarette is dwindling, I finally have the courage to tell them that I know... It's a bad thing to do, but they were completely fine with me knowing.

So my main problem here is that I have no one in my area to relate to. I don't trust anyone enough to come out to. All of the people that I know say far too many condescending things about gays to find acceptance in them.

Although, Mike, has given me some hope. I've known Mike for several years. I've never known him to be a gossip, nor has he ever told me any secrets. I feel like I can trust him. I feel like once he comes out to me, I can come out to him... It'd be kinda like our own little secret.

This subject is weighing so heavily on my mind because, let's face it, I need a gay friend that's going through the same thing I am. My feelings on this have kept me up for nights. It's ridiculous, I know...

Does this sound like a good or bad idea?

PS. Previous readers have said that I should come out to close friends. That might be because I didn't make it clear that we are close. It's just that we're re-connecting. We used to be closer. I know that I will give it some time before I make up my mind. But I will without a doubt wait until he's comfortable enough to come out to me. I will never bring up the subject him; his orientation that is. Forcing someone into coming out is just not in my nature, no matter how bad I want to discuss this with him.

I'm sorry for the wall of text

 

Thanks for all your input, guys. I've decided that next time we hang out i'll casually ask to talk to him alone. It more than likely won't be awkward considering our mutual friends that we spend most of our time with are aware of his orientation, so I'm sure they'll know what's going on when I ask to talk to him. I'll be honest with him and bring up the whole "So, I hear you're gay." kind of way, but more subtle.

I figure I'll make him comfortable, tell him that he doesn't have to tell me if he doesn't want to, and i'm not looking for a reply, just to let him know that I'm okay with it. Or does that sound like pressuring?

I guess if things go awry, I'll come out to him, and make him feel more comfortable and able to confide in me.

 

That's another route I was seriously considering... Only problem is name-dropping is definately a no-no. It gets kind of wierd when I play this in my head.... "So, I hear your gay" (commence chat about how it's okay and I accept him) but, what if it stops at that statement, and he asks who? Well, dang, he goes to a completely different school in a different district. I only know friends of his, and a few other people from that school. Any name that I throw out will be drama city, depending on how it goes down.

I figure the way it's looking, I'm going to have to take the dive and come out first. huh?

You guys have some really great advice and are helping me figure all this out. Hopefully I won't be up 'til 2 in the morning tonight, running scenarios through my head...

Should coming out be THIS difficult. It could have something to do with trust issues. I don't trust a lot of people since a lot of people that I considered extremely close to me have turned their backs on me before.

 

Lex's approach seemed quite reasonable to me. I think he did a good job analyzing my problem, and giving me a logical, plausable solution(s).


Also an update. I was just recently talking to the girl that had originally told me about "Mike". In our conversation, I brought up how I felt it was weird that I knew about Mike, but he didn't know I knew... Yes, brains... numb. But she said she'd talk to him about it,bringing up to him that it's okay if he tells me. But better yet!!! Mike thinks I already had an idea about it.. According to her. She found this out after a party, when Mike and I played babysitter for his gay friend with his head in a toilet bowl for 2 hrs.

I'm feeling the weight lift off me as I type this.

 

Haha, I have his cell number. We text, not as much as i'd like, but we text.

It's not that I enjoy playing middle (wo)man games, nor am I trying to be master manipulator, but I'm just trying to have her help him feel more comfortable with coming out to me... If that makes sense :eusa_doh:

 

Yes. I hope that seeing him this weekend will allow me to come out to him, and eventually more people . Thanks a lot, Lex (!)

 

Ugh, don't tempt me with a good time! I'm not sure if I want to divulge the fact that I'm attracted to him(yet)... I'm desperately afraid of rejection. ARGH

It looks like we'll have an opportunity to spend some time together on Saturday. A lot is still going through my head.