Ok, so over the past few months I have been really struggling with my sexuality. I have never been in a serious relationship with someone of either gender, which I think is adding to my confusion. I am female, so I have always felt the pressure to talk about what men I find attractive (which I do), but never felt comfortable enough to comment on how attractive I find women as well. I have been on/off dating different men on a regular basis for a little over a year now, an I cannot be comfortable with any of them, so the relationships are always short-lived. I really want to start to explore relationships with women. I don't want to feel as though I am keeping something from my close friends. I guess my question is, do I have to be sure myself before I tell anyone else? I feel uncomfortable labeling myself as one thing, but I also think I would feel better if I could voice my plans to the people I feel close to. I think that most of them will be supportive, even though they might not all understand it. Or is this just something I should keep to myself for a while? Any advice is very appreciated. I am feeling very alone right now and I don't know where else to turn. nm
It's really entirely up to you. At one point, after about a year of questioning myself, I said "screw this", and told a friend my feelings. You don't need to say "I'm gay", but you could say "I've been questioning my sexuality lately". You can tell this to a close friend, a trusted family member, basically anyone that you feel will be able to talk to you and will also be able to keep it to themselves. Maybe you could tell them your feelings, and they can tell you their input. This site works really well as a sounding board, but I find that telling someone that knows you personally is something that can't be replaced. When you're ready, you can tell someone else that you trust. These people might give you stories of their own experiences in relationships, or give you their opinions of what you're telling them. I've told two people so far, and it has made me feel a lot more comfortable with myself, and gives me a chance to express how I'm feeling without having to tell everyone that I know.
Of course you can come out if you're questioning. But just be sure that you would still be safe and supported if you told someone. Also I'd make sure that they are accepting of LGBT folk before telling them. If they aren't too accepting, they might not be willing to have an open dialogue about your sexuality. That being said, I would recommend it if its something that you want to do and if you have a close friend who you know would be accepting. I actually told my best guy friend when i was questioning, and it was the most amazing conversation I've ever had. He basically told me that love is love, and not to worry. He then opened up to me about issues in his life and reminded me that everyone has their problems, but we don't have to deal with them alone. Not only did my stress level drop significantly, knowing that I have someone who is fully supportive of me is extremely reassuring. And if you don't feel like your friends would take it well, counselors are also great resource. I actually visited a counselor at my school a couple of times which was also helpful. Anyways best of luck to you on your journey. Be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself, these thing take time.
I actually just did this. I told my two best friends I'm "definitely not straight, but don't really know if I'm a lesbian or bisexual." It went AMAZINGLY. I had texted them and said I have something to tell them. They thought I was going to tell them something crazy and when I told them they were like, "oh I expected something terrible. Why were you so nervous to tell us? We're cool with it." And stuff like that. I had already known their views on gay people before and I'm suuuuper close to them. It definitely made me feel better to be able to talk to them. My advice is to make sure you only tell one or two people that you are really really close to and that you know their opinions on gay people. If they don't agree with it you'll need to wait to tell them until you're 100% sure and confident about it. Right now you need to talk to someone who will be 100% supportive. Just be careful who you tell because you don't want to run in to a bad situation too early. If you tell the right people, it will be a great, liberating feeling, at least it was for me! Best of luck!
